S1: And the person I sent you this wants you to know we need to get the game together for a little road trip, you hear me? No cap sex, no fancy coffee, no sugar.
S2: Hi, I’m Madison Malone Kaczor.
S3: And I’m Rachel Hampton. And you’re listening to ISOO.
S2: I’m I’m in case you missed it, Slate’s
S3: podcast about Internet culture. We’ve heard from a number of you special set up, but this one’s especially for you that you really love high speed. Download the game where medicine and I test the capacity of our lungs and tell you as much as possible about something online in 60 seconds flat.
S2: Today, Rachel and I are going to take the maximum amount of inhaler pops recommended by the medical establishment. If you are my doctor and you are listening to the show now, you’re not to talk about four different pieces of Internet ephemera. Mark Zuckerberg finally explaining that sunscreen surfing photo one, a Twitter thread about Ryan Gosling that wasn’t actually about Ryan Gosling at all.
S3: A extremely chaotic tic tac rabbit hole. And Ed Balls. Ed Balls. But first, the Oscars
S2: today, we are not talking about Glenn Close doing that, but I can tell you that much, thank
S3: God, although what we are talking about is, I think, significantly worse. It’s definitely worse today. We’re going to be talking about the Chadwick Boseman NFTE that was auctioned off ahead of the Academy Awards, which is a sentence I never thought I would ever have to say on this podcast.
S2: Yeah, if you had Chadwick Boseman NFTE on your Oscars bingo card, congratulations.
S3: Also, are you psychic? Can you give me next week’s lottery numbers?
S2: So I think first we should probably splaine loosely what an NFTE is, because if you’re if you’re a longtime listener of the pod, you’ll know that our our past descriptions of NAFTA have perhaps been artistic.
S3: You know, I mean, our enough to use not art in and of themselves. I don’t actually know what I understand about NAFTA, which stands for non-functional tokens, which is a phrase I cannot say five times fast, is that they’re a bit like Bitcoin, but not really.
S2: Put very to simply, an NFTE has value in cryptocurrency, like a bitcoin, except unlike a bitcoin of which there are many on the Internet. There can only be one of an NFTE. So this is like a baseball card. If you had the only purple Babe Ruth card left in the world.
S3: Yeah, I guess where I get tripped up is that people can auction off their tweets, but those tweets existed in the world beforehand and you can just take a screenshot of the tweet and then bring it back and tweet
S2: it back, back, back, bring it back. So talk to me about the Chadwick Boseman NFTE. What did it look like?
S3: Oh, ugly is my first description of it, but it was based off of this 3D model rendering that you can actually buy for fifty dollars online, which is a very common thing you can do as an artist, which is by assets when you’re doing kind of 3D art. But it’s a 3D model of his head and it is kind of bathed in gold, I guess, to look like an Oscar statue. And then these kind of Wauconda esque blue and purple leaves kind of flower into the scene. And so it’s this gold statue surrounded by blue and purple leaves, and it’s a gift. So it moves like it’s kind of a little scene. And so this is this is the NFTE that is being auctioned off.
S2: So obviously, because it is an entity, there can only be one. So it wasn’t like every Oscar winner was given this NFTE and a swag bag. What was in the bag?
S3: Yes. So in the bag was this NFTE, along with other NCES and it was basically included in this bag was a way for anyone to bid on what is being described as an ultra rare NFTE creation. So what you get in the bag is a chance to bid on this thing,
S2: this really fucked up thing.
S3: Yeah, this really bad thing. Also, just like a gift like here you have a chance to buy this thing. Thank you. And so this thing was created by this group called Nominees, and they reached out to a bunch of artists and ultimately chose five, one of which was Andrea Shea, who is the one who created the Chadwick Boseman, left a choice, perhaps not the right one. And so now many of those working with distinctive assets, which is this PR group who I think most people are probably familiar with in terms of the kind of Oscars swag bags that go viral every single year, you know, unfortunately.
S2: So like I knew about the swag bags, right? It’s like you get a new car and a villa in the south of France and 12 bottles of Brad Pitt’s rosé. I didn’t know that those bags were not given out by the academy like I thought these were were sponsored by the Oscars capital.
S3: No, they are, in fact, not affiliated to the point that the Academy has sued distinctive assets for trademark infringement with these swag bags because they often tend to go viral for the worst reasons. The Academy also actively encourages nominees not to accept these swag bags and nominees paying taxes if they accept them on whatever they accept. So you might think you’re getting a French villa, but really all you’re getting is property taxes.
S2: Move that bus.
S3: So in cases like this, it kind of it demonstrates why the academy does not want to be associated with distinctive assets. This NFTE went absolutely viral on Saturday night because it’s in such poor taste. People were assuming that the academy was honoring Chadwick with this NFTE and by. Honoring Chadrick meant that he was going to win best actor for his role in my Rainey’s Black Bottom. And so when he didn’t win, combined with this really kind of gross imagery that was set to be auctioned off for one point two million dollars, it was, in Internet parlance, not a good look.
S2: Has the artist said anything since the backlash?
S3: Yes. On Tuesday, he released his apology on Instagram. That was also kind of trying to correct the misinformation because a lot of people assumed that nominees were getting the NFTE in their swag bag like they were also owning it, which didn’t make sense of it was also being auctioned off. So he clarified that. And he also kind of clarified how he came to create this thing. And he apologized and says that he now recognizes that Chadwicks face is a triggering reminder of his death rather than his life. And he will be redesigning the artwork to be auctioned off later this week.
S2: So you keep saying it was going to be auctioned off for one point two million dollars. Who stood to make all that money?
S3: So theoretically, 50 percent of it was supposed to go towards charity. And the charity was to help black men get colon cancer screenings, which is important cause. And then 10 percent was set to go towards the artist. 40 percent, I’m assuming, is going to nominee. Who was the group that reached out to these artists?
S2: The commissioner of the art? Yeah. Yes, shady.
S3: Extremely shady. And also the commissioner of the art reached out to multiple artists and had originally said that 100 percent of the proceeds were going to charity. But by the time the NFTE actually debuted, it had gone down to half the proceeds,
S2: just qadi from start to finish. Chadwick Boseman, we’re sorry. And hopefully your your gold head will not appear on an NFTE auction site ever in perpetuity, ever. I think we can say ever
S3: in perpetuity, forever and ever. Please, no Oscar statue versions of Chadwick Boseman said.
S2: And that really like upper of a note, I think we have to go stretch and warm up to prepare for high speed downloads. We’ll be back with all that good Speedie goodness. That good speed. Goodness. We’ll be back with all that good, speedy stuff after the break. OK, and we are back today and I see why am I we are going to play a game we like to call high speed download if you’re new, it’s very simple. Rachel and I each get 60 seconds to explain something from the Internet to each other. If you don’t like listening to people talk or really, really quickly, I recommend that you change your podcast playback setting to, you know, point five X, because we’re about to talk really, really fast. Rachel, are you ready to do some high speed downloads? Yeah, tentative.
S3: The first one I’ve chosen is just like a bit. I think it’s going to it’s going to be a mess, but we’re ready.
S2: OK, what is your first topic?
S3: I’m going to be explain to you why Ryan Gosling was trending over the weekend. And Spoiler has literally nothing to do with Ryan Gosling and everything to do with, like, the fact that men suck on the Internet.
S2: OK, you’re ready. I’m ready. You’ve got one minute on the clock on your mark. Get set.
S3: Go. OK, there was this tweet that went really viral. It’s just twenty five quote tweets just like over and over again. It had like and it ended with this guy who was like, this is my girlfriend. And everybody’s like she looks like Ryan Gosling. And they were all dragging her to find out why they were dragging her. He had to go all the way down to this first tweet, which began with this woman who is just like, why do Brockmann? Oh, so they don’t want gold diggers when all the assets they have are like a pair of Jim shoes. And then this guy was like, oh, no, the assets are like the children that you force on men. And like you can garnish people’s wages for what’s gone to a conversation about child support, at which point, like the woman, it was like you’re literally forcing your child to, like, sell shoes on the side of the road. And the guy was like, he’s being an entrepreneur. And the woman was like, Baby, I’m an architect. Like, we are built different. It was point she was somehow getting dragged for the fact that she had a job. Like women were like, your degree is not going to keep you warm at night. And it was like this started with gold diggers and now she’s too expensive and what the fuck? And so then this woman was like, why is always the most undesirable men making this point? At which point a man was like, oh, you would die if you saw my bitch and his bitch was a woman for women, a person is a Pussy Riot dog.
S2: That that was a choice. Rachel, there were so many characters in that.
S3: I don’t think I distinguish the fact that there were at least like four different people replying within this, like, nested, quote, tweet situation, like the original guy who was like so making his child. So T-shirts on the side of the road is not the guy whose girlfriend is Ryan Gosling like this. A lot happening. And it was. I did. But more than I can do about it.
S2: So you do get one more sentence to add any any final details. What do we need to know?
S3: I mean, what she needs to know is that if you clicked on, like, why Ryan Gosling was trending, you got nothing related to Ryan Gosling. You got this nested. Twenty five tweets within each other, having to click each one all the way down. And in every single, like the replies to every single tweet, you would see someone saying you’re almost there for more tweets and you got to the original one.
S2: She does kind of look like Ryan Gosling. I mean, you got MySpace it she responded.
S3: She was like, this is a compliment. Ryan Gosling is a pretty a pretty man.
S2: This lady’s hot. This is.
S3: Yeah, she’s living our best life.
S2: Well, thank you. Thank you for that, Rachel.
S3: HUF All right, Madison,
S2: are you warmed up? I am ready. I mean, I’m like the math lady meme face right now trying to understand what was just explained to me. But yeah, I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m going to talk about Mark Zuckerberg wearing a lot of sunscreen.
S3: Oh, yeah. Well, he looks like a ghost. I remember this photo. There’s more to the story. Yeah, I can’t wait to hear it. All right. Three, two,
S2: one, go. OK, Mark Zuckerberg is the CEO of Facebook. He’s guy who invented Facebook in a college dorm room after building a website to rank women by hotness. Real bright guy. Maybe he’s the ruiner of our democracy are like the savior of the modern era, depending on who you ask. He owns a house in Hawaii. It’s not really a house like one hundred million dollar estate. Unquit thing is fucking huge and fancy because again, the man founded Facebook made its neighbors really mad when he and his wife put up a big ass wall, blocking everybody’s views. Anyway, in Hawaii last summer, he was photographed surfing on some kind of like fancy electric surfboard. But you don’t actually have to know how to surf. I don’t know. My only surfing references come from like Nickelodeon, a.k.a. Rocket Power. Hello. Already rocking. The thing about the photo is Mark is wearing like a full face of insane sunscreen, super white heavy coverage. He looks like he’s playing like a corpse. Extra on like The Walking Dead. We stand SPF. But this seems like overkill. A week this week, a year later revealed why in an Instagram lie with Adam Masri, who runs Instagram, which Mark remember owns, and Marc said that he thought the sunscreen mask came from the paparazzi, which is insane. It’s clearly Mark Zuckerberg. And also this is a man who invented a platform that can identify faces and he thinks a little sunscreen is going to throw off the paps. Like, come on, my guy.
S3: That was really good.
S2: Thank you.
S3: You really got a lot of little clips there like Reggie Rocca, that you just you unlock the memory there.
S2: She was so hot.
S3: You get one more sentence. It’s not about race.
S2: You say anything else you need to say. She gave this quote during the live. That was the delta between how cool you think you look. And the worst photo a paparazzi can take is pretty funny. So, Mark, Mark is a pretty good attitude about the sunscreen photo, which will put Nahshon out, because if you haven’t seen it, you got to see it. Rachel, are you ready to give us your your second high speed download of the day?
S3: I don’t know if I’ve quite recovered from how bad my first one was, but.
S2: All right. Take a second and tell us what you’re going to be talking about.
S3: OK, I’m going to be talking about the drama that unfolded after this specific tick tock Daniel cued up.
S1: And the person I sent you this wants you to know we need to get the game together for a little road trip. You hear me? No cab facts, no fancy copy.
S2: Just really in a word. What?
S3: Oh, I will tell you in more than a word.
S2: All right. Sixty seconds on your mark. Get set.
S3: Go. OK, the girl in this video is named Bria. She posted this Tick-Tock. Where is she? She’s in the bathroom. You can’t see this because you’re listening to a podcast which is in the bathroom and she’s like, says this. And then this guy is behind her and he looks like, did you ever watch a family movie? He looks like the Penha in the Family movie. And he says the way they talk is just so deeply funny. And so she’s and they all these people just come out into the bathroom and just start like saying you hurt. And I’m just like, what? This is a pandemic. But so anyway, this girl talking with the girlfriend voice, but worse. And so there’s another dude, Samuel. Adrian does what you do want to talk. It makes fun of it. And he’s like car, no wheels, mom, no dead tree, no branch booty, no hole. And it gets really, really funny. And this video goes entirely viral. However, Algeria did not like that and got Symbol’s account suspended was I didn’t even know you could do, I think, for like bullying. So you made a backup account called Pimpin Sixty Nine, which also got
S2: bad ten seconds.
S3: And so they had a whole feud, ended up doing a TED talk live together where she yelled at him and called him a child, which only added fuel to the fire. So the play where don’t you get MacDiarmid original video before making a hole as big as my back and saying, fuck no,
S2: I was really doing fine, as you said, budy no. OK, you get one more thing. Donya Cat Jogjakarta.
S3: So here’s the guy that got suspended. This is the video that got him kicked off Tic TAC apparently.
S1: Yeah. The person I sent you this wants you to know we need to get the game together. So I mean, you’re going to regret
S3: the years that were there in here. And then here are some more iterations, including one from none other than Dodger cap.
S1: Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, wow, wow, wow.
S4: Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
S3: Oh, I bet she does a really good Daffy Duck. Oh, I can only imagine. What’s funny about this trend is that this was the first video I saw of this trend. So I was just like in Hansel and Gretel bread coming my way back to it. Exactly.
S2: Oh, that’s so dark.
S3: If it’s also really hard to find because there’s no reference to it in the video, you just see people in the comments like she’s going to get your account suspended, dojo like toked. And so then there’s this other video from Christian Dennis, which is, I think probably more indicative of what exactly is video of
S5: a the person saying this wants you to know we needed to get a but to give her. OK, that’s pretty green. No water sky, no clouds or no handle TV or no talk about him. French nothing. Yeah.
S2: And all I want now is a cheeseburger with no pickles.
S3: Burger, no bun.
S2: No I want the bun. That was incredible Rachel. And I feel you really redeemed yourself.
S3: Thank you. Madison, are you ready. Are you ready for the last high speed download of the day?
S2: I am. I’ve been training my whole life for this. What do you got for us? OK, so you may or may not have seen a trending topic on Twitter earlier this week. Ed Balls day.
S3: I did. I didn’t investigate, so I don’t quite know what was going on.
S2: It is an annual Internet holiday of sorts with a comical back story involving a British man named Ed Balls, whom we are going to honor today in the next 60 seconds.
S3: All right, Madson, I have one last question for you before you get started. Are you going to do this in a British accent?
S2: Oh, Rachel, no, please. But I just fine. But I feel like I should mention, like on the record, a disclaimer that, like, my conception of a British accent was heavily influenced by Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap,
S3: honestly saying
S2: you want to know the real difference between us, let me see. I know defense and you don’t. Or I have class and you don’t
S3: take your pick. All right. But as listeners, we love you. Thank you so much. We’re listening. We’re so sorry in advance. Madison, are you ready?
S2: Oh, God, we’re going fine.
S3: Three, two, one, go.
S2: There’s a man named Ed Balls poster laughter here. Because if you like me, a ten years old and find that name absolutely hilarious, it’s funny. The man’s name is Ed Balls. He’s a British politician. His wife is also a British politician. Her name is Yvette Cooper. You will note she did not like to go by Mrs Bowles, which like points to Yvette. Ten years ago, Ed Balls was a member of parliament and a leader in the opposition Labour Party. He had just begun working as the shadow chancellor of the Exchequer. I have no idea what that title means. I think Exchequer is like British Treasury and I’m sorry, but this is not the podcast for you. If you need that information to enjoy a story about a man named Fucking Balls ten years ago in 2011, on April twenty eight, Ed Balls tweets a simple tweet his own name. That was it. Just Ed Balls. No subtext, no punctuation. Ed Balls might have made more sense, but nothing just said, look who here among us is not done around tweet. He was trying to search his own name while standing in a supermarket. It has become something of an annual British Twitter holiday, one Ed Balls is totally in on and using to his advantage. He’s a bit of a good sport about it. Jenya Victor wrote a piece about Ed Balls Day this year in The New York Times in which he said that Mr Balls was second. Mr Parks, Mr Bush was seen as a political heavyweight, proves that and the tweet did not square with his public image. Which is why was so funny that this guy like totally goofed in a supermarket just tweeting his name at all. It was was voted out of Parliament.
S3: Good job.
S2: I’m so sorry. I was voted out of Parliament in 2015, but has continued to celebrate Ed Balls day in perpetuity. Happy Ed Balls Day everyone.
S3: Does he act those Ed Balls himself celebrate it with you. Kind of just like an unwitting participant.
S2: He tweets about it. I think Ed Balls is doing fine. I mean, he was voted out in 2015, but since then has been on like British reality television. Like he is on like a cooking show and a dancing show, which honestly, Britain, just like America.
S3: I don’t know, man. I felt the downgrade from shadow chancellor of the Exchequer.
S2: They definitely say the word exchequer in love, actually, which is where I picked it up.
S3: Oh, I mean, I have read it in the other Boleyn girl. But like I say, I don’t know what it means, though. Cromwell is probably involved in it.
S2: Well, that is our very speedy show. Thank you so much for listening. If this is your first time, thank you for giving us a try and be sure to hit that subscribe button so that every episode lands in your feed. We’ll be back with a new episode on Wednesday where we’ll probably talk a little slower, but no promises.
S3: We’ll probably also have a little bit better lung capacity. But please leave a reading room, view an Apple podcast and tell your friends on social media it really helps us find new listeners. And we love seeing what you say. Thank you so much to Sarah Stark, Sammy Liebman and Marie Connellan for the shout outs on Twitter.
S2: Also, thank you to everyone who has emailed us a special shout out to listener David, who has offered to make shelves to fit in my crappy IKEA besta David. I’ll be in touch. All this is to say, please keep spreading the gospel of. I see. Why am I with the hashtag? I see why am I pod and truly feel free to drop us a line anytime. I see. Why am I at Slate Dotcom.
S3: I feel I is produced by Daniel Shrader and supervising producers Derek John works with many Slate’s culture editor and gay brothas editorial director of Audio See Online or Not. I see why I’m no wheezing, OK?