The “How Rude!’ Edition

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S1: This episode contains explicit language. Welcome to Mom and Dad are Fighting Slate’s parenting podcast for Thursday, May 12th. The How Rude Additions. I’m Elizabeth Newcamp. I write the homeschool and family travel blog Dutch Dutch Goose. I’m the mom to three littles. Henry who’s ten? Oliver who’s.

S2: Eight today. Yay!

S1: Oliver and Teddy, who’s five? We live in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

S3: I’m Zak Rosen. I live in Detroit, Michigan, where I make the Best Advice Show podcast. My daughter is four. Her name is Noah, and my son Amy is one.

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S4: I’m Amber O’Neal Johnston and I blog at Heritage Mom dot com and I wrote the book A Place to Belong. My kiddos are 12, ten, eight and six. Nina, Sasha, Beckett and Brooks. And we live outside of Atlanta, Georgia.

S1: And Amber, I am just so excited to have you on.

S2: This show this week. You’re welcome. So I have.

S1: To tell a funny story that Amber and I are like Instagram friends. She was one of the first people I found when I was kind of exploring homeschooling. And then I had messaged her a couple of times about things on Instagram and she’s always wonderfully gracious. And then I sent her like the weirdest message because I was really panicking before I’d gone to bed about some homeschool stuff, and she was in my dream.

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S2: And I woke up and.

S1: I felt I was like, I have to tell her. But she was like in this large lecture hall and came up and said, You’re doing a great job. Keep going, like in.

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S2: And I messaged her and I was like, You’re probably going to block me now. Not at all. I was like, That’s really cool.

S4: I hope I have my hair done.

S2: But yeah, I was like, Look great. You look so beautiful.

S1: It was like such a calming. Just following your homeschool journey and seeing the things you’ve done. And listeners may know I’ve actually recommended your heritage packs before, which I know we’ll get to talk about later. But Amber should be familiar to many of you that are listening just from things we recommended on the show. Well, our letter writer today is actually a non parent. She babysits a ten year old and is sick and tired of his after school attitude. She wants to know how to handle the situation so they can have a good time and be in a good place when mom gets home. Then on Slate Plus, we’re looking ahead as we figure out what to do with the kids for the next few months. Join us for some tips, tricks and lamenting about the lazy, hazy days of summer. Here’s a sneak peek of what you’ll hear if you have Slate. Plus.

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S4: When we’re at home, the children are typically knee deep in some type of passion project. So last year, one of the kids was making soap, so pontification and lye and all of that caustic stuff you’re not supposed to let your kids play with. And the other one was learning how to care for goats at a goat farm.

S3: Got amazing.

S1: If you want a weekly bonus segment from us and your other Slate favorites, consider signing up for Slate. Plus, you’ll also get to listen ad free and get unlimited access to the Slate website. To sign up now, go to Slate.com slash mom and dad. Plus, again, that Slate.com slash mom and dad plus. All right. We’re going to take a quick break. And when we come back, we’ll dive into our triumphs and fables of the week.

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S3: If you’re new to our show. Welcome. Whether you’re a parent, educator or just interested in this wild journey, we’re so glad to have you here on. Mom and dad are fighting. We share our parenting triumphs and fails, offer some advice and share recommendations of things we love. We’re here twice a week on Monday and Thursday to subscribe to Never Miss an episode.

S1: We’re back and moving on with some parenting stories from our week. Amber, as our guest, do you have a triumph or fail to share with us this week?

S4: I am going to go with the Triumph. So, yes. Yeah. A few weeks back. A few months back, actually, my kids, one of my oldest ones, decided she wanted to try out for a musical production. And she practiced and watched the musical 8 million times. And she was all ready for the audition. Her sister was like, I’ll just ride along with you guys. And, you know, when she got there, they said, Well, do you want to audition? She was like, okay. And the little sister got the starring role.

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S2: And the big sister who had been.

S4: Working and working and cared all about it got a really minor role. And so the production is this week, and I’m going to call it a triumph because over these months I have been coaching Big Sister to rock that small role like it was Hollywood, and she’s doing that. And so the sisters are getting along. We’re all chipping in and going to all these rehearsals all week and it feels good. Feels like a win to me.

S1: That’s a huge win. How did Big Sister take it?

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S4: Oh, friend girl.

S2: Not good.

S4: Never was not.

S2: Good.

S4: I was like, I had to call my mom on that. I was like, Mom, she’s not pulling it together. I mean, she she went berserk. She lost it. I’m not going to lie.

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S1: I mean, I would think that’s, like, really frustrating. I mean, in life, that’s frustrating.

S2: And then when it’s your sister, it is.

S4: And then the other sister was like, I don’t know, I think because she didn’t care. She just went in there and was like loose and comfortable and just kind of threw out the audition. But the one who cared so much was tense and awkward and. Yeah.

S3: Are we allowed to know what the production of.

S4: Yes, it’s Matilda. Matilda Junior. Oh, yes. I’m a toddler. My. My younger daughter is Matilda.

S3: Incredible. Becomes like a really fun play. And what a role. Matilda is, like, one of the great heroes of that of children’s literature.

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S4: Tell me about it. And she had never she didn’t even practice for the audition. She was just watching YouTube with her sister.

S3: So.

S2: God damn right. Oh, man. That’s amazing. Okay, Zach. Triumph for fail.

S3: This is a triumph because my daughter is in preschool and we have been living in a plague. And therefore, I have not been inside her class since she started school.

S1: Oh, my gosh.

S3: So it’s just been I’ve just been kind of like guessing at how how her life has been because, I mean, we get these beautiful updates from her teacher via email and I get like pretty much jack shit from Noah. And you know what? She’ll tell me about her day. Sometimes she’ll give me a couple details, but usually it’s it’s pretty minimal. I mean, you know, but she’s I know that she likes school a lot. And so finally today, we went to the school’s May Day celebration. Her school has, like, pagan fairy vibes. She goes to a Waldorf school, which is really fun for early childhood education. I think I got to like go into her outdoor classroom. They’ve been outside for like all of COVID, even in the winter. It’s it’s amazing. She’s she’s become very tough and has a really cute snowsuit for the winter. But now it’s beautiful out. And I got to see what she’s like interacting with her classmates for the first time. Um, they did a little dance around the maypole and saying these songs, and we brought snacks, and I got to hang out with the parents and got to just, like, sit with her and have a snack inside her classroom. Something that I have just been waiting to do. Since when did she start? In September. And so today was like a day that was a long time coming. And I hope that I get to see more of her, her school life in this way. And I hope that, you know, classrooms for for all you out there begin to to open up like ours is because, man, there’s just been a closed door between she and I for this whole time. And it was opened a bit today and it was really nice to be let in.

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S4: My youngest also attends a Waldorf inspired forest kindergarten, so I was really interested when you were saying that.

S1: I think the Waldorf stuff said so nicely with so much of what we all enjoy doing, being outside and yeah. And having the kids be creative and, and chasing their passions has been a nice thing for us as well.

S3: Indeed.

S1: Well, I’m going to I’m just going to take mine as a triumph. We had a crazy Newcamp adventure for Mother’s Day. I wanted to go down to Great Sand Dunes National Park, so we rented a big RV and be down there in Alamosa, which is not exactly like the beacon of civilization. But we found this great house with six bedrooms, went down with some friends, and my dad was there and my girlfriend’s dad was there. It was it was very fun. But we got to the sand dunes and it has been so windy. In Colorado and the temperatures are going from like you wake up, it’s like in the thirties in the morning and then it’s like 70 in the afternoon. So we got to sand dunes really early and had like a good hour without any wind. And we put up this beach time, the kids ran off into the dunes. And this time of year there’s a creek that actually the snow starts to mount and a creek forms running through sand dunes and you can go play. And our kids had not really like played at the beach since we moved from Florida last year. And so they were all excited to be playing with their their sand toys were having a great time. And then the wind started to pick up like so much that it broke one of the tents of my, my beach tent, like one of the poles of the beach tent broke, which we had like put up in hurricanes in Florida. Like there was so much wind. And I was just thinking like, this is going to be a disaster. My legs were all red from the sand, just like hitting me. And my girlfriend that was with us said like, let’s take the top of the beach tent. It’s like fabric and string it between our two minivans and we’ll like put out the beach chair.

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S2: So we can just.

S1: Like, hang out there, kind of where one parent could be out in the water. And it was great. We did that. We had a lovely picnic. We ended up like stopping a ranger and asking for some hikes that were kind of in the woods more sheltered. We found a couple of great hikes that we probably wouldn’t have done, that we wouldn’t have done otherwise. And the kids were just like, so great. And it made me remember why I like to be out with them like that. Work so much for us is like being in this location and not worrying about like, are they learning something and just like letting them be in a place and the whole drive home like we they were talking about the things they had seen and they chose to listen to this audio book in the car. It was just like all these little things, like as a family that we got to do. And I was like, Oh yeah, this is why I love this so much. So I’m taking it as a win. It’s just.

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S2: Three wins.

S1: Mother’s Day. Yeah, three wins. It was a wonderful Mother’s Day to just just be even though it was, like, a lot of work. It was great. So.

S3: Oh, my God.

S2: Triumph week.

S3: I I’m such an idiot. I haven’t even asked you about Mother’s Day. Both of you. Happy belated Mother’s Day. I’m so sorry.

S4: Thank you.

S3: Yeah, we just had Mother’s Day.

S2: You talk to me and I.

S1: That’s her full co-host. So credit there.

S3: But just real quickly, I’m curious about this. I’ve been talking to moms and you can I hope you can be honest. I’ve heard two different answers about an ideal Mother’s Day. One of them is getting some damn time alone because it’s so hard to do that. And another one is like spending time with my kids. And I feel like a lot of mothers like, you know, won’t ask for a long time, even if they want it because they feel, you know, like they need to be there for their family. So tell me, like, what’s an actual ideal Mother’s Day for you, too?

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S4: The funny thing is that early on I used to think, why on earth would a mother want to go away to a hotel alone on Mother’s Day? I am never going to be that type of mother because I love my children and I’m just going to want to be with them all the time. And now fast forward, I’ll have my first teenager this year. I’ve been at it a moment and though I did spend all day with them hiking outside and all that, it was great and lovely, but I wanted nothing more than to go and be alone in a hotel that would that would have been the creme de la creme for me.

S1: I echo everything she just said. It was a it was a perfect mother’s day of being with them. But like, given, like, if I were told, you can do whatever you want.

S2: Thea We know there were people bringing me food.

S1: And just reading and doing the things I want to do knitting, watching stuff on TV that I never have time to watch, like those sort of things. Just for a day of of rejuvenation. Oh, my gosh. Well, a triple a triple triumph week and a happy Mother’s Day. We hope all of you listeners had a wonderful Mother’s Day. And this is our lesson. Next year, we’re going to ask for what we actually want.

S4: Let’s do it.

S2: You can always count on.

S1: Well, it probably won’t happen.

S3: I’ll get these bombs. Our hotel room.

S2: Yeah.

S1: Well, let’s take another quick break. And when we come back, we’re going to get into today’s listener question. Okay. Should we hear our listener question? It’s being read, as always, by the fabulous Sasha Leonhard.

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S5: To your mom and dad. I’m not a parent, but a nanny with a question about building a positive relationship with a cranky and rude ten year old boy. I do school pickups twice a week, and 90% of the time he’s in a bad mood. He takes it out on me and pretty much everyone, including a single mom. It’s just pure rudeness, like directed mean comments, calling names, etc.. I also babysit him and we have a good time overall with periods of rudeness and mean spirited comments sprinkled in. He has troubles with emotional regulation and I believe he either has ADHD or ASD. I really do care about their family, but it’s getting to the point where this is not a nice work situation for me. How can I handle his rudeness? On one hand, I want to be understanding and calm while holding consequences and boundaries, but it’s really hard not to get cranky, especially since he knows what he’s doing is not okay. I’ve tried ignoring, having conversations to see the root cause, moving on, etc., but nothing seems to change. And he’s very resistant to talking about his emotions and apologizing. One. What are the best ways to respond in the moment and stay calm? Two. Should I give up on follow up conversations and try to get an apology and just accept that I’m not going to be able to change his behavior? Three. If I do eventually choose to move to working with another family because it’s getting too much. How do I get past the feeling I’m giving up on him? I don’t want him to get the message that everyone leaves or that he’s too much. Thanks. Out of my league, nanny.

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S1: First of all, the nanny listener for writing in incredible doubt and caring this much about a kid you’re providing care for. I can already tell. You’re like an amazing human being. So kudos to you from the start. For advice on how to handle this ten year old.

S4: Just listening to what she was saying and the idea of how much she cares, I was going to echo what you just said. I thought it was really beautiful. And it seems like other than this issue, this would be a really good fit. I think that I would talk to the mom and ask for some boundaries to be set because the nanny is a person too. And she said that she thinks the child is dealing with some things that might be a little bit out of his control in some areas and getting some help. So just knowing that the family was committing to him, working with someone would probably be enough to keep me in it for a little while while I gave him an opportunity to see if he could work through some of those things. Now, if they said no, that’s where I may have to draw a line in terms of my willingness to remain in a and a what is a really an abusive situation for her.

S3: Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. You need to talk to this. This child’s parent. And I think really, everything you laid out here would be a really strong preliminary conversation if you haven’t had one already. Like everything you’ve expressed here is so articulate and important. And they need to know, because you’re right, it’s not up to you to change this kid. But if you’re forthcoming with the parents, I think that’s going to go a long way. And you’re right, you need them to show you that they’re committed to this and that they’re and that they empathize with your plight right now, if they’re just like like, you know, we hired you like, you know, deal with it like that’s that’s a red flag. So I think you’ll probably learn a lot from the conversation you have with with this kid’s parent.

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S1: Yeah. I think talking with with the mom is a really good thing. I was I was trying to think because we I know we’ve shared we’ve we have struggled with some of this kind of behavior with our kids. And one of the things that really worked was setting kind of like some consequences that could be implemented no matter who was in the house. And for us, that came in the form of this. And I did not create the system. We call them good habits cards. And so basically we sat down together and set out rules of respect for the House so they can be vague, they can be specific. And then we set a number of cards for each of those behaviors. So if you call someone stupid, you pick three cards. And these good habit cards are not things that are punishments. They are literally good habits that we’re trying to reinforce. And you draw those cards and essentially your life kind of stops until you complete the cards. Now, listen, hours are like, go read for 20 minutes. We have things on there like ask mom or dad, you know how you can be helpful. Help a sibling. Like also match socks. It’s like we always have socks to match, like those sort of kind of good habits and they do these things. And I think what was crucial for us was that we did not in that moment demand an apology or demand any sort of them telling us, like, I know what I did is wrong. And kind of we relied on this system and this set of rules that we had posted to understand that, like, we all know what you did is wrong, you know, what you did is wrong. And we have conversations outside of these moments about how those things hurt our relationship. Right? Like, if you’re always treating me this way, I’m not necessarily going to want to spend my free time with you like that. That is just, you know, or I have things to clean up now or other messes to deal with that I then don’t have that that time for you. Not that I don’t love you, I still love you. But these are kind of these these natural consequences. And what we found is that when the behavior stopped because they didn’t want to draw cards. Right, because it’s annoying if you had finished your homework and now you’re going to get to go play or get to do whatever, and all of a sudden you got five good habits cards to do. That’s really annoying. But too, we started to get these apologies naturally and those apologies. It was like if it came right after, we could say like, okay, you don’t have to draw a good habit card, right? Like this was a good habit. You you apologized for what you said when you were angry or whatever. So if you can have some kind of system. But why this worked for us is it was like whether mom was home, whether dad was home, whether, you know, friend was over and helping kind of with the parenting. We all knew the rules and we could all implement the same system. So even if you don’t use this one, something that you can do that the parents are also doing, so this child knows like this is always going to be the response. The other thing I really saw in this letter is like you guys, that car time after school is hard. It is hard. It is hard. I have a ten year old boy. It is very hard for him. And I just when he gets in the car, I’m like, do you want to listen to some music? Like, I do not ask about the day. I do not try to force any kind of conversation about anything. I have a snack, I have some water. I just try to make that a nice time. And you know what? The less I ask, the more he started telling me just by making that a he knew he was going to be able to get into that car and not have to explain anything to me. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to ask about it at dinner or later when he’s in a better mood. But there’s something about like when I was asking all those questions when he got into the car, how was your day? Oh, you look upset like all of this.

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S2: You just was like.

S1: You know, back off, lady.

S2: Yeah, stop.

S1: Stop asking me. Like, I’m I’m in this transition period, so I don’t know if you can just try to be like you have the advantage by being the nanny of being this fun person. Like, you don’t necessarily have to do all this parenting. I do think you should be in a partnership for stopping some of the rudeness, but you don’t have to do that right off the bat. So if you can try to create a fun environment, maybe that be helpful. I don’t ever have you had you’ve had ten year old like do you have attitude problems with them?

S4: Yes. And I’ve always wondered why no one talks about it. Everybody talks about teens and two year olds and ten is. Really hard. It’s a very hard time. I think they’re dealing with like new emotions and they’re wanting to grow up, but then still they can revert and act like they’re six two, you know? So I think had I wish I had been better prepared as a parent for that stage and having some difficulties there because it was very shocking for me. I wasn’t expecting it. But yes, ten has been hard for us so far.

S1: Are you a pretty strict like this is you know zero tolerance. Are are you giving them more leeway? Like what do you do when you’re faced in that moment? Cause I it’s like if you haven’t thought about it and they call you a name or say thing.

S2: I don’t know about you, but I.

S1: Have just like the anger rises and I have to think like, okay, do not board the crazy train.

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S2: Like, what is happening?

S4: Well, there have been times, you know, where I’m like, I’m a person, too, and I actually need you to leave my room. You know what I mean? Like, I would like you to leave this room where I am right now. They’re seeing me do the same things I need them to do. When you feel yourself about to snap, to take some space and time. But I definitely give my kids more leeway than say what I had. But I think we all have a point where now you’ve crossed the line. So I always say you can say anything, but you can’t say it any kind of way. So we can talk about anything. You can stand up for yourself. You can tell me that you think that I’m wrong. We can have all kinds of discussions, but you’re not going to be just blatantly disrespectful. And I won’t be that way to you either.

S1: I love that because it validates like so often the fights I get into with Henry is like, it’s because of the way he said it, not what he’s saying. But then we’re so far down that trying to explain that to him, you know, like, like now he thinks I’m trying to be a thought, like you’ve taken this away from him. It’s like, No, no, I’m willing to discuss that. So I need to, like, internalize that. Like, you’re welcome to say anything to me, but not any kind of way. Right?

S4: I think it’s important because I don’t think that children should ever mistake us for something like a punching bag. You know what I mean? A verbal punching bag like we are. I’m your mother, but I’m. I’m an individual. My feelings can be hurt. I can get upset. I’m not a figment of your imagination. You know, this is real life. And they need to know that their words sting. And sometimes you say things and you said what you wanted to say, but it’s not going to go well for you.

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S1: So what do we think about this nanny leaving?

S3: I mean, you should totally do it if you’re feeling like you can. You don’t want to do this. I mean, there, there there are plenty of families in need of caring nannies who listen to parenting podcasts. But it does seem like, yeah, you you don’t owe them anything. But if you can explore this a little bit more with the parents, you know, things might change. But if they don’t change, if this behavior continues, even even after you have this conversation, then. Yeah. Get out of their.

S4: I agree that her mental health is also important. So I think, you know, I never want to tell someone that they should ignore kind of their alarms, their internal alarms and what they’re able to deal with.

S1: Yeah, no, I agree. I was struck by the kind of reverse of what she asks is like what is the message you are sending by saying, right? Like if the verbal abuse continues and you stay, you’re also sending this message that like people like people will put up with this. And I know it’s hard, but you you can’t be in control of this boy’s feelings. And it’s a hard it’s a hard lesson.

S4: But I think the mom might have additional insight, too. I remember, you know, we were talking about this when I was in sixth grade. My parents, too, did not feel comfortable with me coming home alone yet. And so they hired a college student, a really nice woman, to meet me at my house. After school, I’d walk home and she would be there. Just my mom said it was a friend because I was like, I’m too old for a babysitter. So she was a friend. And I remember being very rude to her. And after a few weeks she said to me, she said, I know you’re you’re rude. You know you’re rude to me or mean to me. It seems like you don’t want me here, would you? You know, is this something we should talk to your mom about? And I was like, yes, let’s talk to her because I was angry. I was like harboring resentment and it was coming out towards her. So this was anger towards my parents for giving me a babysitter in sixth grade, but I was taking it out on her. So when we had that conversation, she told my mom, we sat down and talked about it. Nothing changed. She still kept coming, but we ended up being very close because I got a chance to be heard and to tell them that I really felt embarrassed to be coming home from school to a baby sitter. S in sixth grade. And so that, you know, again, that points back to the idea that that mom might be able to provide more help here than what it even seems she would be able to do.

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S1: I didn’t even think about like including the ten year old in that conversation. But I think that’s a wonderful suggestion because ten is old enough to, you know, maybe you have a conversation with the mom first and that.

S2: It’s a two parter.

S1: Include include the ten year old. But I do think ten is old enough to like understand the challenges that this is causing as well.

S2: Yeah. Yeah.

S1: Like the consequences of that behavior, because maybe it has nothing to do with you at all.

S4: Right. That’s that was my point. It had nothing to do with her. And actually, she ended up being really cool after I got that off my chest. But once you’re able.

S2: To let go of that.

S4: Yeah, I was like, Hey, I have a college friend who hangs out with me after school. Ha ha.

S2: Exactly. The framing is so important.

S1: Totally well out of my league, Nancy. Hopefully some of these ideas help. We’d love to know how it goes. Everyone else. Do you have any tried and true tips? You can email us at Mom and Dad at Slate.com or send us a voice memo. We may play it on the show. That’s also where you can send any other questions you have. And that’s it for our show will be back in your feeds bright and early on Monday with a great conversation about Ambers new book and will of course have some recommendations. Be sure to tune in while you’re at it. Please subscribe to the show and give us a rating and review on Apple or Spotify. This episode of Mom and Dad Are Fighting is produced by Rosemary Belson and Jasmine Ellis. For Zak Rosen and Amber O’Neal Johnston. I’m Elizabeth Newcamp. Thanks for listening. All right, Slate Plus listeners, let’s keep it going. The school year is coming to an end, which means a complete change of schedule for families. We thought we would check in about how we’re structuring our summer schedules. Amber, how do you handle summer?

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S4: Wow. Well, we’re homeschoolers who choose to school year round. And that does not mean we’re doing a whole bunch of extra learning. It means we’re hippies and it takes us all year to get through the same things everyone else does. Yeah. So we kind of slide into a never say no mode in the summer. So we have our normal family learning rhythms, but we say yes to every chance to meet friends at the pool or to hang out at the lake or meet up for good food in any form that that might come in. And when we’re at home, the children are typically knee deep in some type of passion project. So last year, one of the kids was making soap, so pontification and lye and all of that caustic stuff you’re not supposed to let your kids play with. And the other one was learning how to care for goats at a goat farm and three times a week. And the last one, my son really got into Bushcraft last summer and it spread to like, the whole family. I know it’s scary.

S3: I don’t know what that is.

S4: So it’s like wilderness survival, self-reliance, like going way out into the wilderness, making fires, shelters, primitive shelter. Yeah, things like that. Wow, it’s really cool. So yeah, we’ll get into that kind of thing and there’s some reading and depending on the kid, a little math, but it’s just a really relaxed kick back kind of flow.

S3: That sounds really cool up until this summer. My kids were in daycare, so they just had daycare all year round, which was so easy. And I didn’t realize until a couple of months ago that like, Oh no, no, this school year is going to end and there’s three months of time that I’m going to need to figure out with my wife what to do with her. And so we enrolled her in a bunch of camps, which she’s very excited about. She’s going to a dance camp. She’s going to camp at her school. We’re going to travel a bit. But this question of just what we’re doing with our summer, it reminded me of a conversation I had last week with this woman whose book I read. Her name is Susie Wise, and she wrote this book called Design for Belonging, and she introduced me to this concept that’s common to designers. But I had never heard before this notion of assumptions storming. And she used it in the context of summer vacations. So assumption storming is basically just like questioning everything. And if you’re thinking about it in terms of like the summer, I found it a really empowering exercise to partake in, for instance. Okay. Your family, for your whole life has been, you know, going to the lake for, you know, for two weeks a year. And, you know, you used to love it, but now it’s just like, Oh, I got to do this again. I got to go to the lake. But like, when you’re thinking about your summer, just like question, like, well, do we have to do the thing that we’ve always done? Do we have to do our hours, our summer trip in the summer? What if we took, you know, a three week trip over December and forgot about what we usually do in the summer and instead do the thing that I actually want to do or the thing that’s going to save money or save energy or, you know, whatever the thing is. So it’s just made me think about like, okay, this is what I think the summers are supposed to be. But like, actually, let’s just stop for a second and, and contemplate why. Why are we doing the things that we’re doing? I’ve been I’ve been assumption storming.

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S2: That’s what all of homeschooling is. A thousand stories. Oh, why are we doing this? The point of this. Why are we doing this right. So true. That’s a good point. It’s like, oh, we’re just doing this because we do it. Oh, my gosh. That’s so true. So I feel like I need to read this book and be seen. So we.

S1: Also school year round because it takes us that long and because I feel like I’m sort of a say yes to.

S2: Opportunities here round. And so I lose whole weeks, know.

S1: Trips and other things. We are never done with our curriculum. Plus, I don’t know if this has happened to you, but I get to this time of the year and it’s like we’re just achieving less and less in the spring or like outside more and exploring. But I also really love to use Summer to let the kids try a bunch of stuff. It just feels like camps are a great time to let them go. Really try and see are they really into something? Is this something we want to pursue or do they actually just saw something cool? And now that I’ve signed them up for a week of it, you know, they’re going to try it and stop. So we I do try to use this to get camps kind of for everyone. And of course, we had Henry in school this year, but typically it’s also this opportunity for me to kind of have some one on one, maybe two are at camp and one gets a week with me. Like, do some of that, do some travel. But what I have found is that using some of the techniques I use for homeschool that I’ve recommended to non homeschooling families work really well over the summer. So having for example, like a checklist of kind of things to do and I’m not talking about specifically like we sort of say we’re going to play a board game today, we are going to read a book, we are going to go outside, we’re going to do all these things. And then once we check all these off, the time is sort of yours. And so that that gives the kids some motivation to do these things which are not I don’t in the summer tend to unless we’re we’re still homeschooling but I wouldn’t say you need to put like do math work but like hey read something. It it can be a comic book. It can be whatever we’re going to read for a little bit today, we’re going to tidy up the house a little bit today. We’re going to make sure that we’ve all been outside and then feel free to go use your tablets and your this. And honestly, it just gives the day some routine because I know that if all of a sudden your kids are home, it’s like, you know, everybody gets the first couple days are great and then it gets stir crazy. So having some kind of plan or expectation I think can be be really helpful. And I love this idea of like thinking about why do we always do this? And is this something we want to do and do we want to change things like Summer is a great time to try on some new things. If you’re thinking about making a change to your school situation or your schedule situation or anything like that, summer is a great time to to give that give that a try and see how it feels. Wellesley. Please let us know what you’re planning for this summer. We’d love to know. And I know other parents would love to know what your plan is. To be sure to join us Monday for a regular show and Thursday for another bonus segment. See you next week.