Bim’s Thirst 123’s

Listen to this episode

S1: Luka pressed his.

S2: To me, again, it tickles. I hissed. Take a deep breath. He said in that low rumble. He looked up with a crooked smile. That usually helps. He looked at me.

S3: I what bitch.

S4: Hello. Hello. Hello.

S2: Hi, Ben. Nicole. Plus a lot. Very 90s greeting just yet. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. How are you today. I am sweating like a pig and it is hot in this room. Well, you know, it’s hot all over. I really wish we were outside enjoying the heat. But, you know, it’s fine. We’re healthy, right? You know, what’s that really? I. Every time I say it, I sound like an old church mother. But I do believe we are healthy. There is much to be thankful for. Yeah. Yeah. I feel you.

Advertisement

S5: I’m currently in my sweatbox closet recording also, and I’m alleviating some of the heat by eating some chilled slush frozen grapes.

S2: Thanks, Phoebe. Okay. I’m really in the mood. Listen, my point of listen, there is a pandemic on. There is a lot of civil unrest. Like there’s literally a series of rebellions and revolutions occurring right now. If I can add to that the sense she was image of my teeth biting into a grape. I’m really pleased to do it and I’m grateful to be of service. Yeah. This is what we need to do. We need to do a do the right thing. But like with female gays, there’s an element, you know. So we’ve got all of this civil unrest. There’s a pandemic. And then instead of like somebody, you know, rubbing ice cubes on somebody’s nipples, if somebody will feel like a close up of a woman peeling a frozen grape, you know what? I started laughing, but I’m actually fully on board. I’m 100 percent good. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. This is the origin of a fantastic idea. And listeners, you heard it first today. I’m excited because we are going to talk about your foundation all. First, we talked a little bit about mine a couple of episodes ago. We did a very good episode. Yeah. Things I think we did a good job on that. I think we did an excellent job. Now is not the time for false modesty. You are amazing. Well, we’re going to we’re going to hear about you today and those childhood, adolescence, early adulthood crushes that, you know, brought you to this point where you are the thirst expert extraordinaire. You know what? Thank you so much, festival. I’d like to thank my agent. That’s like my parents. No, seriously, that is that is incredibly validating. I feel like many of us actually have a thing that we know we are experts about. But there never seems to be a place to kind of like display that. And every time I’m recording an episode of this show with you, I’m like, wow, I’m so glad that all this knowledge has a receptacle, a really ready and willing receptacle, a.k.a. the podcasts that we can like actually through our expertise into. So I’m always delighted even when we are self identifying as first. I kind of like, no, we really, really are. And everyone has like it, you know, childhood crushes, foundational crushes that they kind of hark back to and think about. And I really have to kind of rack my brains. And I consulted the next best thing to my memory, which is my sister’s memory. And I was like, did I fancy a lot of people? And she just generally said, I think we I think you it most people I think it was for a boy crazy. I’m just I fancied everyone, like one of my earliest memories of, like, crushing was on Diana Ross. And I remember being so overwhelmed by her beauty and her glamour that I crawled underneath the coffee table in our living room and just, like, cried because I was so overwhelmed. Oh, baby. I know. I know. I was just kind of the.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

S3: Whatever it was like, okay, we’ll get out from under the table. Nothing. No, it’s too much. It’s too much.

S2: So although I’ve always been a crusher, shall we say, I crushed crushing. And so I had to kind of really kind of like dig deep to figure out the ones that I thought.

S6: Oh, for sure. That set off like series of like, I don’t know, some sort of some kind of base one like the bottom layer of like my first like.

S2: What was that. Who were the people that kind of made me think all for that for life. Right. Well, that’s the thing that I’m always going to, like, think about. And I kind of narrowed it down as much as I could because like my sister said, I really wanted to kind of be like, oh, I wanted everyone. Nicole, like you were a human person. Sometimes a casting character I was in. So, you know, I was Ozora advanced very early. But I’m excited to kind of share with you some of my favorites of that very mixed bag. I’m intrigued because I know you have a lot of, you know, pop culture favorites. So from, like, all different, you know, from movies, TV, music. So I’m really interested to see who who it was that shapes the bembe that you are today.

Advertisement

S6: Well, Michael, it’s your lucky day. I’m about to dig deep.

S3: It sounds so sort.

S7: You know what? I didn’t mean it that way. It’s too late.

S2: You have such a mixed bag of thirst. I guess there’s no other way around that. You’re completely 100 percent right. I am a mixed bag myself. I understand we are all complex. You know, it’s it’s finesse, you know. No, judge me here. I’m just saying so much. So you’re right now. No, Lemon. Oh. So let’s start with, you know, some kind of early childhood. I don’t know, maybe tween years maybe. So who were you listening to? Who were you watching? That was like the one that just focused all of your attention.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

S6: Okay, so I’m going to begin this journey with a boy that I really and I use, boy, literally, because I was a girl and he was a boy. Could I make it any more obvious?

S2: But I’m talking, of course, about seven, Campbell. Oh, that’s unexpected. Tell me on stage. Listen. There is often times when I say something.

S6: And I’m like, wow, I have put my date of birth very firmly in the 80s.

S2: No shame. No shame. Listen, we listen.

S5: That’s part of the reason why we are so amazing today is that we have these amazing sources. But Tevin Campbell, for me, he was someone who in the early 90s, which is when I was just coming out of, like childhood into Queendom seven, Campbell was incredibly important. First of all, that voice. Amazing.

Advertisement

S2: Just an incredible singer like an angel on Earth. I couldn’t I couldn’t understand when he would sing. I’d be like, how was that coming out of his throat? Like, how is because I keep thinking, like, we both have throats. We have, like, larynxes. Why is it that when I sing when I was a fine singer, when I was young.

S6: But how come I can’t do those runs? How come I can’t go that high or go that low? Why doesn’t it sound like when when I heard Devon Campbell sing, can we talk? I was like, I don’t know, seven canwe.

S2: Hayworth. He has a distinctive voice. He was a little. You know, I’m a little older than he is and he was a little too young for me. But I recognize that he was special. Yeah. He had incredible talent. He did that, you know, the people the dogs around him recognize, like Prince and Quincy Jones. And those were baby feet. Yeah. People who were kind of like, wait, this is like he.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

S6: He reminded me. I kept imagining what it must have been like for Berry Gordy to discover Stevie Wonder and just kind of be like, wait a goddamn minute. Like this is star quality. And Tevin had that in spades. And like, I remember listening to him and just like hugging myself, you know, just kind of like this is.

S2: I bet he’d be a really wonderful 14 year old boyfriend. Yes. Yes.

S6: And that was about the same age. And I was like, yeah, I bet he’s just like, super sweet, super kind. Like, I bet he asks you what you like to drink. Then he gets it for you, which, you know, the bar was very high. Yeah. Right. I was just really into the idea of just like, sweet, lovely. And, you know, because of the timing and how we didn’t know how to market people, or maybe that was how we chose to market people. They often put him in these little suits.

Advertisement

S2: Right. But there were oversized and I like double breasted like vagal Apel. Yeah. It always looked like he was slightly drowning and that triggered something in me. I was like, oh my God, he’s like it’s like a tiny man.

S6: And you know, that age when girls kind of fancy people who aren’t that far away from them, who say seven, Campbell was like the venue of all my safe fantasies of what a boy should be.

S8: You know, like he was just like the landing spot for every projection I had about, you know, I. Was that your first boyfriend? Yeah, that’s Tevan, you know what I mean? And he just he he fits so perfectly into my ideal. And I remember kind of feeling incredibly validated when I watched that episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

S2: Yes. Yes. And Ashley. Yeah. Ashley loved you. I was like, Ashley meet, you say.

S8: And that was another validation. I would be like, if Ashley Banks fancies him, then who am I to be? Resistance to his charms is obvious charms. And he had like a really soft, sweet, spoken boy that he sings Happy Birthday to her happy birthday to.

S9: To me. Happy birthday, dear. Happy birthday. To. Happy birthday, Ashley.

S2: At the end of it, he says. Happy birthday, Ashley. And his voice is so soft and she faints dead away. And I was like, saying yes. Say yes. It’s really sad. I mean, you know, maybe that’s for another episode, but it’s really something about the way teenage heart drops. Male teenage heartthrobs are kind of. I do want to say feminised, but in order to make them safe for both, the young girls are targeted. And for the parents, you know, the boys have to come across as very, like, soft and gentle and soft spoken and, you know, to have your daughter home by curfew and not take advantage.

Advertisement

S8: I will give her a respectful peck on the cheek as opposed to, like, you know, putting his fingers up her skirt, you know what I mean? Right. There’s an element of trying to appeal to exactly that. The parents, unlike, you know, Mr. Banks, who in future episodes would go on to be kind of weird about actually dating or being a sexual kind of person. You know, there’s an indulgence long because it’s Tevin Cupful and how bad can he be?

S2: You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yes, every couple was very important to me, and I put him in a class of kind of like boy next door.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S8: American imports, kind of like when I think about my crushes and any kind of grouping. So it was him. But also I was doing a lot of consuming all teenage boys on American sitcoms because we had a bunch of stuff export.

Advertisement

S2: So I want to talk about Dwayne Wade from A Different World. Listen, I could be partisan to this day. If he turned up, I’d be like Lisco, like why I was.

S8: So I understand that he was meant to be like this geeky guy. He was kind of like mooning after Denise Huxtable. And I think he was meant to be like a sort of like a silly a silly creature, sort of like who was like, you know, because Denise is like this cool being. You know, she’s come from like Brooklyn and she’s out in this HBC you and living a best light skin life and all that stuff. And this guy with his silly little glasses and his big hair and his, like, patchwork clothes and whatever was meant to be a sort of a figure of fun to kind of be like, oh, look at that guy mooning over her. But he developed over the year.

S2: Yes. Yes. And to loving one another life again. Woman. But, you know, we like what we like. Nothing wrong with that. I mean, that’s all. Why lightly. Melanocytes, this is proud of you. Kathleen Cleaver is looking down, proud of you right now.

S8: But like, really and truly, I looked at Duane and I was like, again, I think it was an element of, like, safe boys next door. And he was in many ways a continuation of my T7 Campbell fixation of this kind of like code. I imagine he’d just like a really sweet, loyal puppy. I think I think of these people as just kind of like people who I think were not necessarily there to challenge me, but was a kind of like they’d be there to sort of make me feel good about myself, you know? And Duane, I think, was so clear about how much he adored the very ground that Whitney walked on. Then I was like, please cut me off a slice. I would very much like that. And he also seemed like a guy who was like he was conscious, which I was, you know, again, right out of the Anchia. Yeah. He was just somebody that I just I just thought, oh, God, yeah. Imagine you can grow with him. And you would all you’d end up being a happy kid like he was the person that I imagined. As when people talk about a childhood sweetheart, I was like, if Dwayne had grown up next door to me, I would absolutely have been in love with him, you know, not because he was especially cool or anything, but he was there, which is very important when you’re that age. Yeah. But also, he seemed like a good man. And I think especially now when I think of portrayals of like anti-heroes on TV and so on, there is such a concerted efforts right now to kind of show these complex creatures who are battling with the light and the dark and whatever. And Dwayne had like very special episodes on a different world and what, you know, talking about drugs in a city bubble blower of blackness. So why like we get it, this is like a this is this is gonna be the vessel through which we learn about some kind of issue or whatever. But I what I liked about him was that for the most part, he just he was a good boy. He was just a good boy who became a good man. And he’s probably a very good man. Still A and Whitley are in their little house in Washington Heights.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: They’re happy that kids are doing great. You know, they go to homecoming religiously every year. They’re just like great people. I’m sure they have a life donation set up on a monthly basis. Back to the school. That’s black love. Right. And I was like, yes, give me some of that. So do I.

S8: And I was I loved his glasses that, you know, I say this all the time is people see it on our Tumblr. I love a man in glasses where your eyes are also slightly ruined. Let’s get it on.

S2: Why don’t we give our kids terrible eyesight? Yes. You know, like a variance. And also, Dwayne was very loyal. Like, he fought for his friends. There was. So they went to this cabin, you know, on the beach or something. And Freddie was there. Witley and some kind of way, they got their bags mixed up with these men who were drug dealers. And so, David, of course. Of course. So Freddie and Whitley had the drug dealer’s bag of stolen bad stuff, you know, whatever. And the guys came, you know, to try to get their stuff. Well, some kind of way. I don’t know what happened. I can’t remember, you know, how it got there. But Dwayne and Ryan, his best friend, crashed the situation. And, you know, they realize what’s going on. I said, Duane, Mike jumps the guy. They start fighting, then everything. See, cause he was like, you’re not going to treat my friends this way. And I just kind of said there was another incident, another episode where Lisa was singing the national anthem. And Dean came and he was he was on. This episode is a different time, a different time. But giving us a preview of current day, Dean came because Lisa was singing it. Singing the national anthem. And he made some kind of racist remark. So Dwayne was like, hold up. Now I’m going to have to punch you in your face. You know, like he was real. Yes. Take charge. Yes. Yes, sir. When I love a culture gentleman who is not afraid to throw hands as the occasion requires. So he was clearly, you know, a well educated man. Had his mother was Patti LaBelle. I was like, that is the blackest mother they could blame. Yes. And he was it was a good friend. And he was a good romantic part, though, because Whitney was clearly very satisfied. I mean, he walked around like a cat and I got the cream because I think she did. She was Witley looked like a woman who was kind of like, oh, don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. And you know what? I never worried about her.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S6: And the other thing to point out that I really like, which is something that I still enjoy in my fiction now, is Duane was a very good Piner.

S2: Yes. Yeah.

S6: He loved Witley like he is the person, you know, when you read about women who say, oh, my mother told me about a man should always love a woman more than she loves him for a hanky. Really? That is the epitome of Duane and Whitley. Like I. I remember kind of thinking to myself, well, that’s good advice. Like, I think my mother has also said this over the years and I’m like, I believe you. And I think a big part of the thing that confirmed that for me was Duane and Whitley, like Whitney was a spoiled Southern belle. And every so often Duane would get like Stern with her, which Al, right?

S2: Yes. Yes. But other times, he was a complete fool for her.

S8: And I loved the absolute dedication. He loved Whitley. And he started off as a sort of like a crush. And you think, well, you don’t really know the person, so how much can you really love? You know, you love the idea. And so on and so forth.

S6: Then, of course, came the wedding scene. Yes. Well, he crashes the wedding to Byron. Yes.

S10: Well, you ask the question. Oh, I love you. And if you’ll have me. I’m sorry. I love her. Just. You need to weigh in as your lawfully wedded husband from this day forward to having a richer for poorer baby, please, please.

S3: And baby, please, please leave. Oh, my gosh.

S2: It was the begging heard around the world. I mean, the reaction.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S6: I mean, I remember kind of thinking to myself, like, man, I wish I had somebody. I wish I had a wedding to break up. Like, I’m I want someone to do this at my wedding. So unsuitable man like this is perfect. And I just loved and I love Whitley’s mom’s reaction, which was you die. And I was like, hey, hey, hey, Diane. Carol. All right. But I loved so much just the passion. It always followed. There was like a barely banked passion that the right thing would ignites it. And that was exciting and thrilling to me as a teenager, as a teenager, I suppose, where I was kind of like, oh, that seems exciting. And that feels like a model for the things that I should be looking for, where a man is obviously absolutely in love with me and is not afraid to kind of like show that in like really big gestures, but also in small ones. Like he knew he patently knew that his girlfriend later, his wife was sort of a ridiculous creature. And he was like, well, I choose her, you know, get on our level. And I loved that without even being able to articulate that at the time. Now I look back, I’m like, oh, that’s well, that’s what was attracting me here was a man who understood that. Yeah. You also wheatly how you see her and that’s fine. But how I see her is an imperfect being that I love. So you’re all just gonna get on board. And now that I have the vocabulary and the knowledge to kind of articulate that, it makes me love him even more like in hindsight.

S2: Now, Kevin Campbell and Dwayne Dwayne. Yeah, they kind of look alike, you know, like I say, that swim brown skinned man, you know, a little nerdy, you know, a little unassuming. Yes. Right. That’s my catnip. Yes. But we have a third gentleman from the boy next door. Yes, yes. Yes.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S3: Who looks nothing like these two. He does not. No, he does not look anything like that.

S2: We are talking about Pacey Witter. Now, listen, now we’ve done it. Yeah. We do the whole episode on Joshua Jackson, our whole episode.

S6: And the bulk of that was about Pacey Rae, because Pacey really imprinted on me. Like I started watching Dawson’s Creek when it came on. I was a teenager. And, you know, the show was called Dawson’s Creek. So you’re like, oh, I bet Dawson is gonna be the person to kind of fix my gay zone.

S2: And I think somewhere in the second or third episode, I was like, no, it’s just no. But there’s just no, I’m sorry, but it’s not.

S8: And it became so clear to me that he was very much the churgin. Like Dawson was a Trojan horse. And Pacey was the army inside, like he was the thing that made the thing go. And I think about Pacey, you can listen to the whole episode about this, but I think about Pacey as the sorts of emotionally available, emotionally aware, absolute heartthrob that shakes so many of my interactions, like with real boys and real men. I’ve just kind of like, are you willing to buy me a metaphorical war as if you are not? There is a fictional boy who is literally doing that for some Joey Potter. And if I can just get to him, I bet he’d do the same for me. So if you’re not bringing that energy of wall buying to this quarter, we even doing Pacey was a bit like Pacey. Again, a clear a clear case of, oh, adults are writing this character. There is no teenage boy on Earth like this. Right. He just couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be real.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: And I think even as a kid, I was like, yeah, I know he’s not real. Yeah, but. And he would do these things.

S8: But at the time, with thrilling to me, like when he would kiss Joey, he would hold her face. Yes. You know, that really hit.

S2: That came from your shoulder. She was like, yeah. But like, imagine watching that when you’re 18 years or 17 years old and you’re kind of like are like I mean, I was watching it in my early 40s and I was like, what does he know?

S8: And I was like, sure, they wrote amazing lines. And he you know, my point is, though, that more than the lines was the delivery. And he seemed to me to be a master of timing. He was the person who knew what to say for the most part anyway. Knew what to say, when to say it. And the tone of voice was always just right. Like that speech he gives in the final episode where he’s like, I’m letting you off the hook. I’m like, on the one hand is like the most annoying kind of martyrdom. Like, fine. Right. But on the other, it’s someone kind of being like, you know what? I’ve been doing some work on myself. And I held you in a weird position and it’s been unfair to you. And what I’m gonna try and do is just like walk away from this, because this is an unhealthy way of being and I’m trying to move on. And in that moment, again, I just want to kind of thinking, because, you know, the finale came years after, you know, I’m originally falling in love with him. Yeah. And I was like in my head just kind of like I was right to love you.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: Like you’ve confirmed for me my good tastes. Thank you, Pacey. OK, so we’ve got the boys next door with Kevin Campbell, Dwayne Wayne and Pacey Witter. Yes, but then we’ve kinda move, you know, you’re moving into adulthood. Yes. College life and all that kind of good stuff. And you’re starting to feel attracted to more grown men, shall we say? Yes. OK, yes. And that very quiet voice. OK. Yes, Nicole. Yes.

S6: But I will also say that there is some crossover from childhood tween hood, teenage hood into kind of like, you know, university.

S2: So it’s like it’s more of a continuum. OK. All right. You know her well, but we’ve got we’ve got Dr. Ian Malcolm, a.k.a. a Jeff Goldbloom. Yes. OK. In the Jurassic Park movies. All right, listen. All right. So listen. Double time. All right. So, listen, I was very much still a tween when Jurassic Park was like in my consciousness, OK?

S8: And I don’t think I looked at Dr. Ian Malcolm. Was let. Break me off a piece of that. Right. Look, I wasn’t I wasn’t in that mode of life yet. But I remember kind of thinking, Homesite, is that lizard like motherfucker. Yes. In the black shirt with the black trousers doing that loose limbed, sexy walk across the screen because, my God. Ian Malcolm is essentially a dynamo. Like he’s like sex on legs. Right. And he’s meant to be like the cool leather jacket, sunglass wearing, kind of like, you know. Guys, I think he might be a bad idea. He is basically the conscience of the film. Like I’m a bad boy. I love science. Okay. I love the possibilities. But do we want to be bringing fucking dinosaurs into the world? I appreciate that, because that was me. I’m a cautious person. I love possibility. But dinosaurs. I have a line. Dinosaurs is my line. And I remember looking at Ian Malcolm kind of being like, I don’t know what it is, but I’m attracted to this character. I just want to keep watching him. And then came the later movies. And then Ian Malcolm had a daughter. Yes.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: Who was black bitch. And a very brown black lizard. An identical twin. At that point, I was like, hmm. Is it. I think it is. It’s very icky because you’re like, oh, I don’t want to, you know. You know how I feel about daddies in that weird way. Yes. Yeah. For it. But.

S8: But I was like, if you are a father to a black girl, you could be a husband to a black woman. And that black woman could be making big motherfucking deal. That was made by Mathes for the day. That just really put me in a place of like, oh, comfort. Like, all right. I was right to fancy you let the confirmation. Was it okay if you can love a black child? Thank you.

S2: No, I didn’t watch. I’ve never seen any of the Jurassic Park movies in there. Yeah. In their entirety. But I do remember watching or I think maybe my sister was watching that second one where the daughter shows up on TV. And I was like walking through the room and I saw them. I was like, who’s all that supposed to be? She told me. And I was like, Oh. So I’ve never forgotten it from that moment. But like I remember Jeff Goldbloom from Earth Girls Are Easy. This movie where he plays this alien that comes to the planet with Jim Carrey and Damon Wayans senior now. And there’s a scene there. They come to the earth and they’re all covered in fur. Right. They look like little toys or something. And so Gina Davis character takes them to get Groomes. And so all their hair is removed so they can look more human like. Right. And the part opens up. And Jeff Goldblum comes out. And of course, he is bare chested. He might have been totally make it. But, yeah, you know, it’s not wearing any clothes. He’s gleaming. If I remember Grimmy and his eyebrow is doing a little art like what’s going on here? You know, like that. And his hair, Cami, make it and his hair is full of, you know, the curls and his swoops and, you know, Schram’s and everything. And I was like, I will never forget this man.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S3: Exactly.

S2: You know, so I understand where you’re coming from, the Jeff Goldblum attraction. I think many people out there are feeling you. And, you know, sometimes attractions change for whatever reason. Oh, for sure. For sure.

S6: I you know, like I feel like there are all sorts of stories kind of swirling and you have some kind of well, it’s it’s a dangerous game. Fancy men in 2020 and beyond. But I will say that in terms of foundational crushes, I can’t whatever comes to light, comes to light, whatever. But I got shake. Yes. What it meant to me to watch Dr. Ian Malcolm walk across the screen, pass a big pile of dinosaur poo poo poo poo in his black on black ensemble. His hair curling gently in the breeze. And I was like, oh, shit.

S2: And so as you moved away from the boys next door, you know, we’re talked about this person a few times now, but Bruce Willis as David Addison in Moonlighting. Clearly not the boy next door. Not no, it a Monday.

S5: I mean, we covered this when Jason Mantzoukas was on the show about capable men who act and look like capable men, but also have a quip, but also a soft and tender when they’re required to.

S6: Yeah. Yeah. But also, like, you know, can throw a punch. Can take a punch. Right. Leo’s dudes. Yeah. Again, I feel like that taste is permanently locked in the 80s and 90s for me. It’s a very weird sort of like throwback feeling or admitting to fancying that. But every so often David Addison a.k.a. Bruce Willis, would say something to Marty and he would twist his lips into like some sort Doneck smirking situation. Boom. And I would just find myself like, excuse me. I found him to be the hottest thing on two legs that I was obsessed with. I remember looking up boys who had smiles like Bruce Willis. And I was like, yes, that’s the shit you were trying to find your own.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: David Addison. I was I was like, let’s start a bloomin agency right here. I mean, look, I was all the way so into Bruce Willis. And like the biggest legacy of that for me is that I am so attracted to bald dudes. Yeah. We’ve talked about this. I mean, and that’s because Bruce Willis was at that point beginning to bald. Yeah. Well, he took it all off. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. And when he took it all off, I was like, do that shit again. Ranks like run by me one more time. Love it. You know, it’s interesting to see how hair, the way hair and masculinity run together. You know, it’s like when the man is balding, but he still has it. You know, so we can see the receding hairline. It’s like, okay, you know, whatever. But once he is, you know what? He takes it all the way off. Yes. Suddenly, he’s very manly, man. Now, is it because it’s brave of him to go bald, completely bald? I don’t know, because I think, you know, obviously you’ve got Yul Brynner. You’ve got Kojak. You know, you tell his. Yeah. All right. People, you know, they’re always different. Michael Jordan, of course. Yes. All these different men who make bald head baldness. Such a masculine thing. But like heading into it, it’s not so much. I think. I think yeah.

S6: I think there’s something about the quote unquote bravery of taking it all off, because we’ve been told that, you know, long hair is a sign of virility, fertility for quantity, as it were. And if you take if you don’t have it, then you’re somehow less than. Which is obviously a very old idea. Right. I think there is something for me in the the act of it. It’s like I’m getting ahead of it as a proactive element to it that I really, really I’m drawn to because kind of like, listen, we can’t be doing with wisps, you know. Yeah. Yeah. The fuck are off. And I’m like, yes, let’s do that. Tops off. Let’s go. There’s something exciting about that. I mean, that’s the other thing with Bruce Willis is like before him, I don’t really think that I thought bold men who are white really pulled that look off. I feel like it’s a very short hop, skip and a jump into some really dodgy territory where I’m kind of like, what are your political leanings?

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: This is very true. Well, you know, I grew up in the U.K., in Nigeria, and like I know all about the skinhead culture where I’m just kind of like, this doesn’t feel safe.

S3: Look, I’m laughing, but I know exactly what you mean.

S2: Like, it’s a laugh borne of terror. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I don’t know how to feel about bald dudes who are white, but I know how to be the butt bolded to a black like male crooning something sexy.

S6: They are being manly, man. That’s good for me. Like I’m all into that.

S3: But Bruce Willis, I was kind of like, oh, why? Bald people are not bad. Oh, baby, you’re not a neo-Nazi. Cool beans.

S2: Now, this next person I am not familiar with because I did not watch E.R.. Oh, my God, this is real 90s shit. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. Luka Kovac. Okay, so listen. Yes.

S6: He is a Croatian doctor who comes to the E.R. and he kind of cuts a swathe because he’s kind of like a dangerous dude is kind of like. He’s he’s seen some shit. You know, he’s lived through the fucking Serbian war. Like, he knows some shit, you know what I mean? And they had he had, like, this really lovely accent because he was European, you know.

S2: Oh, I’ve seen him before. Oh, yeah. I was practical magic.

S6: Like, he he had a sort of dangerous kind of like if you saw him turn up and he was playing like a sort of killer, you’d be like, yeah, he’s got a killer’s face. Like, it makes sense.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: But then this goes back to Jason and Zuka saying, we’ve got to go to European countries. We’ve got to go outside of America to get like man. And he has a definite, like danger. Yeah, me, the chiseled jaw, like, there’s something that’s old jaw. I mean, when I first saw him, I remember kind of like who cost this motherfucker? I’m in, like, who is? And then he.

S6: And then he spoke. He had like this voice on him and he had like the longest fucking lashes. And he was kind of like this bad boy. But you could tell it was coming from like a well of pain. You know, he lost so much. You were kind of, oh, my God, how can I help you replace some of that? I know I can’t do all of it, but I’m really willing to try. Luka, first of all, Luca is also very heartening.

S2: Yes, it is. I love it. It’s like a with a K.. I guess I was like, oh, my God. Put a K name. Yes. I was all the way. You just you didn’t want any part of it like that. That’s a good point. Well made. That’s correct. Yes. But it’s striking the striking thing on him.

S6: And I know you’ll like this. He had like long hair in the E.R. Like he would sometimes swoop over his eyes in a very dramatic way, which I know you would approve of if you had watched E.R. at the time. Yes. And you combine that with the white coat of some kind of authority. He’s trying to save some motherfuckers life. You’re like, yes, look, I take it.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: But the thing the feature on his face that just again, a whole mock of everybody, I fancy is he has a nose. Yes. I’m looking at it right now, right there in profile or full on that nose. Mm hmm. I don’t even know what I wanted from that nose, but I know I wanted a lot from it, you know. Yeah. You know, like, I was looking at him and I was just kind of like, man, I just I could feel it on the side of my face if I really concentrated enough, you know what I mean? That’s not what I thought you were gonna say. But I’m glad that I feel like everybody else can make the leap that you clearly just did as well. I was a little bit too young to be thinking about that at that point. But let me tell you something. Years later, I’ve just kind of like, yeah, if you have a characterful nose yet again, I’m already in the car, like, pull up. Well, it’s why it’s such a good nose, though. Like, it’s big. It’s kind of angular. So what was it on. Yeah. The whole time.

S6: Cause I know he was not. He was not. He was introduced like at some point in the run of it and then he exited also before the end of the show. OK. So he kind of blew in like a hurricane, hot hurricane, the big nose. And then you got a swoop down. And he fell in love with the character Abby, who was played by Maura Tierney. OK, I know that really tempestuous affair and it was kind of whatever, but I loved I loved them together. When he would get so tender with Abby, he kind of like presses his face close to hers and you’d be like, oh, my God, I am. I want you to kiss her. But and I also want you to kiss me like I thought he was just like the sexiest thing. And a lot of it he was kind of terse. He did speak his English was very good, but it was heavily accented. And I think they made a lot of his sentences kind of like shorts, Loreta, like to the point. And that just really did it for me. I was like, oh, shit. A language barrier. Don’t look. I’m into it. I was really into Dr. Luca like I remember. I remember at that point. I kind of like Dunaway with a lot of, like, reading thick. And I went back on line and I was like, I wonder who’s out there, right? Think about Dr. Luther, man. Look, I want to. I want to. I want to die. Then I want to I want to read about this motherfucker.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: Did you find what you were looking for?

S6: I mean, I found it. I found a version of what I was looking for, and none of them had any female characters. Will been for examples that in the house. Yes.

S5: But, you know, yeah, I always thought of him as just kind of like this sort of to me, he was kind of like the epitome of one of my big romantic. Those ideals of someone you know. I don’t believe in soul mates. What I think is too many of us spread out over too massive an earth.

S6: But like I always harbor a thing at the back of my mind. What if I met? What if my soul mates at it or whatever the closest thing to that existed in another country? And then by some twist of fate, they turned up at my place of work. And whenever there’s like a foreign character that is brought into the show, whatever show moves, kind of like, huh, I wouldn’t be averse to that love story. Yeah. It’s like it’s not some next person, your building or in your whatever. It’s like an express delivery for you from abroad. It’s air mail coming in. I kind of like home. I go all the packages for me. I always loved the idea of that so much. And Luca kind of fits into that, which is kind of like, oh my God, the hot foreigner who I’m not supposed to fall in love with. But guess what? Because the universe said, yes, you will.

S2: I love that love.

S11: It’s.

S12: Now you’re next guy.

S2: We’ve talked about him before on a little bit on the show, but also just between the two of us. Because I’m feeling you understand data company. All right now. OK. Now, who that knows? That knows, I would I would legitimately like to know what does it do? I just want to know. What do I look? I have a genuine scholarly interest, like, what are you saying, David? Call me. No, that is a white boy with a flavor like you’ve got, like finding something. I don’t know. Thwacker Sauce, whatever you want to call it. I would say this is what he radiates, sexual tension.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S6: He to me, is like one of the few unqualified radiator’s of BDD. Like just straight up. We just kind of like, I believe anything like I, I like I just, you know, you look at someone and you do that stereotypical thing of like biting your straw. Or like just like cutting your eyes or making them real big.

S5: Like, if I was to be in the same space as David’s a company, I think I would do all of those stereotypical behaviors. Like I’d be like, oh my God, I would be out there doing like a cartoon character who was going to roll up their tongue.

S2: Yeah, yeah. I find him so hot. Like, and it’s not even kind of like handsome, which he is or whatever. It’s hot. There’s just something about him. And the other thing as well is like the nose is amazing.

S5: And you know, I love a big nose, but is the nose in conjunction with his lips and the cocktail together?

S8: Wow. Actually, I’m finding myself vigorously. Yeah. This sweatbox of a studio. Because suddenly it’s not just the temperature. It’s my feeling.

S2: I’m very hot right now. Like I’m having to. Yeah. It’s swallow’s alive. I know. I watch I’ve watched the show Californication. I didn’t finish it, but I. Why is it. I got enough. Yes. Because I do think that they were just like really running that into the ground. How, you know, sexually appealing. He was. And I just like, okay, this is getting a little too corny and a little too late. Yes. I’ve actually used that with female characters. So I was like, oh, it’s refreshing that you’ve done this with a dude enough now. Yeah, but it just felt so much like, you know, when you have these white men who write novels where they’re clearly just acting out their fantasy masturbatory. Yes. Yes. So that’s how I felt about the show I. Which was good. You know, I recognize it was built up to a point and it got not good. Yes. So I think the kind of that kind of ruined him a little bit for me. I had to, like, take a break from from him. And then the reboot of X Files had happened. And so that shows why the reboot was OK. But the promotional stuff, again, with him and Gillian Anderson and then playing up that chemistry between them and all the stuff that’s unsaid, if, you know, left in back in the past and whatever else, whatever else may have or may not have happened. I mean, I loved give it to me. I don’t care if it’s fake. Yes. Give it to me. That line that you just said is exact. Don’t care if it’s fake. Like I’m invested, honey. And it’s things I didn’t watch X Files as a teenager. It wasn’t really I watched a little bit of it, but it wasn’t like one of my shows.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S6: So I kind of miss that version of Fox Mulder. I acknowledge him as a hottie, you know, G man who also believes in things that are outside of this world. You know, I love that they also cast him as a wide eyed, kind of like believer in the courser. As a skeptic. I was. Okay, I see what you did there.

S2: I didn’t hate it, so I didn’t really get into Fox in that way. But I remember that was a terrible show that used to come up on Channel five in the UK called the Red Shoe Diaries. Yes. And it was basically soft core. Yes. Oh, this. It was awful.

S6: And I would come out at about eleven thirty at night on Channel five and my little puffy eyes would be like wide open, like Lysenko. And he was kind of like the presenter in a way that he would read these letters, this Red Shoe Diaries. And he would you know, he’d start reading it. He would be walking on a beach somewhere with a dog, a faithful dog. And, you know, it would start with his voice over. He’d be reading through. Then he would kind of go into the acting of it and he’d be like, okay. And of course, the action was kind of like softcore.

S2: Like it was it was trash. Like, how much do they pay you, David?

S5: But every so often in those in those episodes, he’d be wearing like a long coat. And he just looked like the epitome of a 90s boyfriend. In a way that I was just kind of like, I love all of this. I, I was. So I would watch. This is the thing for someone who was clearly tuning in to see, like, you know, side boob or whatever. I was really kind of taken with a fully clothed man at the top of the show. I’m just gonna be like, oh, my God, I don’t even care that much about the. Come. I’m just really looking at this very handsome. He would do like little smiles. Yes. And they were all kind of like just like, you know, like, oh, you’ve caught me off guard. You know, those kinds of things.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: He’s really good at doing those little smiles that indicate only you. And he knows the secret. Yes. And he wants other people to know that the secret is just between the two of you. And they have this. Yes. Yes. I would be so disappointed if it turned out that he was terrible in bed. Stop. So don’t put that down. Put that energy into the world. Don’t do it.

S3: Even as a thought exercise. Don’t do it.

S2: Oh, my goodness. OK. But we’ve got two honorable mentions. Yes. That OK. I know you’ve already made your judgment clear, so we’re not going to linger for it. Right. But I just wanted to throw these in there because if we are talking about foundational firsts. Right. Yeah.

S5: I can point to Tevin Campbell and Dwayne Wayne and Pacey Witter. I sort of like the part of me that even now is looking for an earnest boy who is kind of like sort of devoted to me and is just kind of like really sweet and has almost no edge to him is just kind of like a good person who is emotionally intelligent and present. And it’s just gonna be a supportive partner. And we can look at Dr. Ian Malcolm and Bruce Willis as like dangerous boys who make you feel like I guess I could switch it up a bit. Like that feeling. And if you also want to talk about Dr. Luka and his nose, Jeff Goldblum and his nose dive into me and his nose, that is still very present. And what I’m looking for these days, I’m not even kidding. Like post quarantine. Just find me a big nose ball, dude.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: I’m not. All right, let’s go. Yeah, I’m just saying, I think you’re just gonna elope. Like I love in the moment. I’m really ready to listen this. Up next, I’ll be married. Don’t worry about it. But this pandemic have turned you out.

S3: Well, I mean. And do I have a horn dog?

S2: I’m so sorry, everyone. It’s because there’s no outlet for any of this. I’m just in my house all day. I’m so sorry, everyone. Oh, yes. It was a lots, but that was a that’s it’s quite the mixed bag. I’m well aware. Yes. Yes. But I also can’t stop myself now. This was fantastic.

S3: I learned so much about you. I’m so sorry.

S7: You don’t get to see, like, the too deep down because it’s it’s a mess. It’s a mess in there.

S2: But I’m glad I’m glad I shared a little bit of the first cover that I basically, you know, there’s no order to it anymore. I have to kind of like, stand on the door in order to shut it. Yeah. It’s just kind of like this makes no sense. Yes. It’s a collection that makes no sense. And you’re right. But, you know, again, it speaks to the many layers that make you. And that’s why we love you.

S3: Oh, Nick. Oh, wow. This is the first example today. I can’t believe this is what precipitated Bargo funding crushes. And you like, wow, we love you. I don’t think you have ever said I love you to me in your life. And now on this show, what I reveal that I used to fancy Dr.. We are. I’m Tevin Campbell. You’re like, wow, I am. I love you. Wow. Is that what it takes? Wow.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: Club them. I’ve learned so much about you today.

S7: Thank you. I’m glad to have been teaching you something today about myself. I don’t know if that’s all good. I don’t know what it says about me fully, but I’m glad to widen the palette, as it were, of our unknowingness of each other. Much like you did a few weeks ago, where I’m like, oh, I see. No, I get it. Everything becomes clear. That’s the one.

S2: Everything is illuminated what you have. You know, you’ve given us quite a list of people to choose from. Sure. And for today, fanfic ward.

S13: So I’m very interested to see who you actually wrote about, who you wrote your travel about.

S7: Right. Well, the thing is, to be honest, I made a list that big, not even for me. I did it so that you would have the option of so many people. Thank you. I appreciate you being here for me because you’re so welcome. It’s literally all I do is think about you. But I kind of I went back and forth on this because, like you said, the list was so long. Like trying to kind of like whittle this down. I was like, man, I really have a lot of feelings about a lot of people. But in the end, I went for the one that I think caught me maybe at my most romantic or at least my most idealized version. OK. And specifically, I’m talking about the character and not the. Necessarily. Yes. I think you know what I’m talking about, of course, I’m talking about Dwayne Wade. I had such a crush on, you know, and I can’t even I’m smiling just thinking about it. But he is the person that I have put my my Drabble energies towards this week. And I hope you enjoy it. I don’t even know what this is, but it feels like wish fulfillment slash like really and truly what I was thinking of at the time, like, my God, I believe it. Dwayne is a great boyfriend. All right. I mean, look, you know, the foot white male authors do all the time, right? Other books are wish fulfillment. Oh, my God. So I’m going to call it the Friends and Method or the Rotha method. This is me right now. Yeah. This is the idea when we method a marriage suing myself into my dream life. All right. Here we go.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S14: Dwayne was doing an exaggerated bounce on the sofa, but his eyes were steadfast on mine as he beckoned me over. Come try this one. He called drawing the eyes of a few other shoppers in the mostly silent store. We dedicated today to finally getting our act together and making a selection. Moving in together had mostly been a breeze. But now, two months in and tired of lounging in bed or on the low key, disgusting beanbag he’d had since we’ve known each other at university. It was time today I’d been designated SOFA Day and here we were bouncing on sofas in public together. We’ve been doing this all morning. One couch was too soft. Another didn’t have enough give. Some were too deep. One was short enough to, in his words, keep a chiropractor in serious business. But this one, this one had promise. The spring was firm, but soft enough for a long nap. And the collar was rich. The deep, jewel toned velvet emerald. It looked like a throne. A cap might one day want to curl up and fall asleep on in a sunbeam. Duane’s arm sneaks around me as soon as I sat down, drawing me until I was mostly in his lap. I can’t test the sofa if I’m sitting on you. I said pointedly, That’s okay. He replied immediately. I’m testing it, too. This is us testing it. See, he moved his hands to my sides and I knew what he was about to do. Don’t. I started to warn. But I can see the mischief in his eyes. Just a second before he started to tickle me my yelping. He made him laugh harder, which weakened his hold until I could eventually escape his clutches and jump out of his reach. I was still out of breath when I heard him say, Yeah, this is the one. I looked at him glasses slightly askew on his boyish face and felt a rush of love. He was talking about the sofa. But when I echoed his words in my own head, I was talking about him.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S7: And then if you read the domesticity to public public, you see call sometimes. I love how you see me. And I’m so glad you saw it. What I did. That was like, well, I hope. But were in for harmful. Yeah. Thank you, Nicole. Wow. Thank you.

S3: Thank you for seeing me. I really mean that. Thanks, babe. You are a true. I love.

S7: Thank you very much. I appreciate it too. I. Yeah. I’m gonna sit with that driver for a while even after we finish recording. But I want to hear who your Drabble is about and also the content of said Raval, because so many of the options I gave you were kind of like. I know, not necessarily up your street. Yes, this is true. Okay. But I decided to go with David, the company. You know, what I knew was going to be I knew he was good. You had the most to say about hands. I was like, my deductive reasoning has led me to believe Nicole is gonna be doing something about a certain large nosed man. And sure enough, that’s where you went. And I love it.

S2: I don’t know. It’s something about these East European defendants that have been ruining my life for the last five to seven years.

S7: That’s your memoir. It’s gonna be Nicole on the slabs. And I’m here.

S3: Okay.

S13: Of course, I recognized him immediately. I know that nose anywhere. But he clearly didn’t want to be bothered. So I thought the whole sat him at a table in the back in the corner, a place for lovers meeting and those who wanted to be so. That’s why I was there. My coat and oversized purse in the chair opposite me, a huge pile of pasta, my own bottle of wine and a thick book in front of me. The only company I needed before he sat down, David glanced at me at my table, took quick milk of all of my Do Not Disturb signs, and smirked a bit to himself. He sat in the chair facing me his back to the rest of the restaurant. It didn’t mean anything, right? I mean, he obviously didn’t want anyone to notice him. But every time I looked up there, his eyes were watching me. His face was a little swollen, perhaps from two early morning or two late at night. But his eyes were bright with whatever story he was telling himself about me. After the fourth time of settling on each other’s faces, he raised his own glass of something brown to me. I returned the toast and we both smiled into our drinks as much as I wanted to see what that nose do. I found my book to be more interesting and soon lost myself in it and the rest of my bottle. I came back to reality when I heard Davis chair pushing back from his table. We caught eyes again and he gave me a little salute. Enjoy, he said. As he left, and I nodded my head wordlessly. About fifteen minutes later, I asked for my check. The waiter brought me the slim folder, but there was no check inside. Instead, there was a handwritten note. I hope you don’t mind, but I took care of your check, including tip for you. Thank you for such a pleasurable meal. Maybe next time we’ll be at the same table and I will know your name. He left a number beneath his signature. The waiter came back around to start clearing the table and winked at me.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S7: I love it. Oh, my God. What a scenario, man. Put me in. I’m ready. I’m ready for that to happen. Open up the world. Once the rohner is done with, then, yes, send David a copy around to. Yeah. Pay my check and also leave his number. Wow. Nicole, what a world. Thanks for doing that.

S2: Yeah. You know, sometimes you want to be left alone, but also not you know, you want to be seen.

S7: You just don’t want to be seen. Yes, exactly. I also just want to note something very quickly, which is I didn’t realize, as we said before, we don’t see each other straggles before we read them. But I hadn’t known you were going to include his nose in literally the first sentence. And I just want to say sometimes I think to myself, are we hatched from the same smutty egg? And the answer sometimes is yes. Yes, we are. So thank you, Nicole, for dropping that in there for me.

S3: My pleasure. I love that.

S13: Well, listeners, you know what we’re going to do? We’re going to give you a day to let these travels marinate in your spirit. And then we’re going to post a poll on our Twitter account that’s at first aid kit on Friday. You can vote, which Drabble, you know, did it for you. And, you know, whatever your choice is, please. No, we are all winners here.

S7: That’s the spirit. Thank you so much, Nicole. I look forward to seeing where the listeners landed this week because I’ve made a choice and I’m not even going to save it’s mine. I don’t think it is. But like a lot has happened since I heard your drivel. And I’m I’m very into my feelings right now. One minute ago. Listen, you don’t know my life on the inside, man. I’ve read every configurator. Like a whole bunch of. Yes. This week I suddenly lost sheep. So I’m gonna I’m going to sit with that rabble a while, too. I’m excited about this week.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S15: Thursday Kids is a slate production produced by Chauvin’s and on us Monday, when me and Nicole Perkins’, our music is by Tanya Morgan.

S16: You can follow the show on Twitter at Thursday. And we’re on Tumblr at Thursday. Kit podcast at Tumblr dot com.

S15: The show goes out every Thursday or first day and quite a few people like to like to listen. And you can join them by using the hashtag tac board. That’s t AK t Odie’s. Or you can write us an email at first aid kit at Slate dot com. If you prefer.

S16: If you’d like to use after Somalia service, just send us a short and we mean short short shorts no longer than a minute message. The number is five one zero nine eight four four seven seven eight five one zero nine first nine U.S. spy kids confirmed as a short voice note via email to thirds state kit at Slate dot com.

S15: You can find all of our episodes and links to listen at Slate dot com slash podcasts. And if you find yourself wishing you could get even more thirsty kids every single week. Well, now you can. All you have to do is become a slate plus member. Slate plus is Slate’s membership program. And for just thirty five dollars for the first year, you’ll get a little extra from the show on all other slate shows. Plus, there were absolutely zero ads. Visit dot com, slash first aid, plus sign up.

S16: Be sure to take care of yourself. You know, we still have a lot of work to do. So stay away from the crowds, wear a mask, save a life by buying.

S5: When I was 16, I got a job at Sainsbury’s, the supermarket in the UK, and there was a boy who looked like maize and I lost my shit every time he spoke to me.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S2: I was a mess. I’d be like, yeah, my my shift starts and saying I was a mess. I was a mess.

S5: He was so handsome. And then I saw him make maybe a few months later, he was kissing some next girl. And I was like, oh, course I did, because I’m a narcissist and I’m going to fancy I need me back. And he didn’t. But like, I’m not kidding. When I first saw him, I literally stopped in the middle of my walk. I was like, oh, shit. This is Sainsbury’s Mace.

S2: OK. Welcome back. First aid kit plus less. How are you doing? I’m good. I hope everybody else out there are you. I mean, here we are. Yeah. I mean, literally all I have like this is this is this is us. At this point, I feel like I’ve become one with my apartment. I am down to basically a large array and winter clothes for what I can’t wear because I have not gone done laundry and so long because my this is my terrible routine. Right. Okay. I’m interested already. So it’s not going to have a lot of clothes, but it’s just that, like, I have a lot of underwear and so when I get to the like the bottom of my underwear drawer, I’m like, oh, okay, it’s time to do laundry. However, quarantine. Quite frankly, I have not been wearing any underwear because I’m not going anywhere. Oh, God. Oh. Oh my God. So basically, I have a door full of underwear and all of my clothes. Yes. Not a unique problem to have. So the next time we recorded everything, I might just have like this sheer leopard outfit, you know, my nipples. But they’ll pay anything. Whatever whatever we get is what we get. Nicole. OK. Other listeners will know because it will feel like an extra sexy, you know. I know. It’s very sad. I’m sorry.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S17: I make no such promise. I will absolutely be taking a screen show. I just like presenting it every so often. We’ll be like eighty five. Bubbling Hey, remember that summer ever recorded a podcast. Nipples were out and I just present the photo anyway. Oh that’s extra sultry notes. Let’s get into today’s Thursday. Kate Plus I am excited because it feels like one of the things that quarantine has kind of brought forth is that a lot of us are thinking about what is universal to us and our experiences. So there’s been a lot of conversation about things that we know that we are we’ve noted over the years and we’re wondering if other people, you know, the whole concept, the whole conceit of is it just me or. And then. Right. Right. And that’s happened a lot, I think, over quarantine, because suddenly we’re at home and we’re forced to kind of realize, like I think a lot of us are watching far too much television and movies. And so we get to see in rapid succession, like the same old, same old and like, wait a goddamn minute. Is this something that they do? I was like, yes, yes, it is.

S18: I’m not even going to talk about this episode is going to be all about, you know, these cliche, sexy moves that happen in movies and on television.

S2: Are they really sexy? You know, are we just going along for the ride because somebody somewhere decided, you know what, if we just make this room as messy as possible, it’s gonna be hot. We’re going to look at those today and figure out, you know, are they really hot or not? Like, what is that? Or some old cosmopolitan shit, hot or not. Oh, my gosh. Nice retro idea. Okay.

Advertisement
Advertisement

S7: You can really tell we are not. 24 year olds. Let’s wrap this up to People magazine. Thank you. Remember Cosmo. Remember, hot or not? And literally, there are people scratching their heads like, what’s Cosmo? Right. Anyway, it’s not just a drink. Used to be a magazine that was very influential kids. Let’s talk about the first one, which is actually one of my favorites, because every time it happens, it pulls me out of the movement.

S17: And yet I am still so invested that I just I’m just like, all right, fine. Get it over with. Nicole, I’m talking about a very specific troop, which is when a couple getting hot and heavy and they in an office. And one or both partners uses their arm to. Keep everything on the desk to the ground so that they can, I suppose, do it on top of the desk, right? Yes. It grinds my gears. I hate it so much. I’m just like, who is going to clean that up? Right.

S2: I that’s what bothers me because, you know, they don’t clean it up. The couple doesn’t clean it up. They just leave it for the cleaning staff, which is really fucked up. But, you know, I remember one episode of Friends where he is with her little scientist, Boo Ray, and the guy that was going. David. Yeah. Yeah. As played by Hank Azaria. Yes. And so they were. He was about to sweep everything, the lab stuff off of a little island. But then he was like, wait a minute. No, this is actually really expensive equipment here. So he flaps and he kind of like, you know, gingerly moved everything out of the way. And hops are up on to the to the island where all his little stuff is. But I loved that moment because not if not recognized often that, hey, this shit is expensive. And maybe if I brush some chemicals to the floor, we’re going to have a problem.

S7: He eats, unlike laptops, a really delicate things. I know we put them through a lot. But like, I’ve had a laptop die for no reason. I think I knocked it accidentally on the screen door, said, Bitch, I’m out. And it’s kind of like, why on earth would I actively, through a very expensive literally depend, I’m dependent on my laptop for my work, literally. That’s how I pay rent. Is using this like why would I sweep it to the floor just because we’re going to do something we’re like a few minutes at best, like. Right. Tables are not even comfortable to do stuff on. Let’s be very real. Like if you have good lumbar support, unlike the desk got the right height. It’s not designed for anything other than work. I’m sorry. I just.

S2: You basically have to, like, get right. Like physically on top of a desk, like it’s a bed. It’s very rare that you’re able to, you know, especially I mean, come on. Height differences and all of that. Yes.

S3: It’s just not.

S7: It’s just that’s not realistic, guys. But like, again, like you said, somebody somewhere was like, oh, my God, if you do this, then it shows that you’ve abandoned your cares. You’re really into it. And I’m like, I don’t know about you, but what I find most attractive is when somebody does care, actually, because the other thing is, if it’s not the cleaning stuff. If you actually clean up after there is nothing unsexy, you’re not picking up your little desk caddy and trying to get back into the car afterwards and like folding some papers and oh, let me put that back in the fold. It’s no need, my boy to the situation altogether, which is why it’s since you brought up friends. I want to talk about there’s a scene in particular with Rachel and her assistant tag where there’s a similar thing because, you know, they’re in the office. Yeah. Like the sweeping of. And this is going like I have to. Could you not do that, please?

S3: I just tidied my desk and it’s just like it’s really hard to tidy it.

S7: I live in a perpetually messy desk situation, so I’m like, if I take the time to tidy and then here you come with your forearm. I like Swype. That’s sexy. I actually could you pick that up right now and I’ll put an end to any shenanigans. I’ll tell you that for free right here.

S2: I am not the most organized person. I’m not the one that has like, you know, everything labeled just so. But I do have my desk, a desk arranged. I do have my desk arranged in a particular way. And so unfortunately, I would definitely be one of those people who like after it’s all, you know, over and were, you know, coming down from the high, I would be like, I got to fix this because, you know, and I would just like ruin the afterglow because. Exactly. I have to put everything back. You know exactly the way that I had it, even though it looks messy to you. I know I have a system. Yes, exactly. I have to say I will say that there was one moment. Yes, it is. I know where you’re going and I’m already here. That was not supposed to be FXE, huh? But it absolutely was. Save more. Nicole, it is the moment in the Good Wife when Will realizes that Alicia has betrayed him and the firm. Yes. And so he goes to talk to her in her office to confront her. Yes. Love a confrontation. Yes. And he starts out very, you know, like you could tell, he knows something is wrong. Now, you could tell that he’s, like, holding on. Yes. Like, you know, his fingernails. A sternman doing some stern things. Yes. And then he let go and he clears her desk in one swoop, like the day rambles and lifts up from the power.

S7: Oh, it is such an insight. It’s like a whole feeling. I’m just like, yes.

S2: And it’s. Why that desk? Well, why that it’s absolutely wrong because here is this man in a position of power. Yes. You know, showing violence towards a woman. Right. Spritely, wrong. Yes. He’s angry and he’s like, yeah, he’s expressing that rage.

S7: And it’s manifesting in, like, literally physically moving stuff.

S2: So not in any way acceptable guy, but also hurt like he is emotionally hurt because of the killing. And it’s like, why would you do this to me? Never mind. That’s how he started his own firm, Will. But Alicia points out. Which only further enrages him. So no fly. Don’t you dare compare yourself to your dad and look like actually you’re the only one to compare it to.

S7: But also Nicole. I also for the first time as well. What is it? Don’t you dare. But what if I did? Well, so that’s just how I’m feeling today.

S2: So that’s why you don’t have these glass windows, because, you know, I would have written to see and it would have been terrible because it’s not what the scene needed. I would have written it where, like, he, you know, trashed her desk and she gave him as good as she got. You know, and then they just were like, let’s just fuck it out.

S7: Listeners. Nicole, another licensed therapist. So whatever advice you’re getting from. Let’s take it, I assure you. Let’s just fuck it out is not in any standardized textbook. That is not healthy. Not healthy. What I like what you have is that for fictional purposes, Nicole.

S2: But speaking of the good wife, yes, that allows us to transition into a mother popular trope. I love your mind. Take me there against the wall, bitch. You come into a room and your balls are so heated that one of you pushes the other against the wall and then you go at it. Right. When we first see, we first get absolute confirmation that Will and Alicia have, you know, made their relationship physical contact. You mated. Yes. Yeah. It is actually in Will’s apartment. They have sneaked off for a little afternoon delight. Listen. And we see Ruskin’s in flights and we see Alicia leaning against the wall in the flower shop. What are you doing? And then slowly will rises up. Then that female. Yeah, I don’t know.

S7: The king said its network. But you’re gonna get the goods. We don’t need to be HBO for years and seasons still. I do feel some feelings and shout out. Shout out to CBS. I did not expect that a honorable networks CBS.

S2: Listen. And then, you know, they’re joking with each other because, you know, she’s like, oh, I’ve got so much work to do. And, you know, she she said something like, I’m up to my knees. And it’s like, oh, oh, oh. All right, here I’ve got low. I love that theme so much. I love that scene. I remember it like isn’t like the neighbors next door, like the kids, and he reminds her of her kids. A vigil was gets pulled out. But Will is like a pull you back in. Yeah, it’s like I got this nose. Listen, let me help you out. Let me help you out.

S7: That’s a favor for me to you. I like that scene. I remember kind of thinking, how are they making everything that is unseen so hot? Yes. Shout out to the writing. Shout out to the actors because they really killed it. And you know what? When you’ve mentioned the wall thing, when you said people get heated, then one person like like shoves the other against the wall and that, you know, the lips barely disconnect. So into it. I actually used to find that really does kind of like, well, that’s just not fun. Like, you get the wind knocked out of you. That’s not like that could trigger an asthma attack. Let’s just do I. I’ve never really enjoyed when people are so. Oh, and they’re they’re kind of like three one another. Again, I’m just like snot WWE like let’s just calm down on the flinging of people. However, that Good Wife scene really helped me move somewhere. But then I realized when I was thinking about it, another scene that really helped me with the whole kind of slamming and like, you know, this is hot and heavy, of all things. As a teenager watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and in this scene where Spike and Buffy consumate my sweet Jesus.

S2: Oh, Columbus watch. Yeah, I don’t watch. Buffy and I tried to get into it back in my late 30s to see, like, what the hype was, but I really just miss them. I just missed the mark on that. But I have seen clips where all of these what are Buffy fans called? Are they called something in particular? I don’t know. The Scooby gang. Oh, yeah. Well, whatever. So I always see clips of people showing where they’re in a basement spike and in a basement in there. I was like, this was on.

S7: This is on TV, unlike network and is the kids show like it’s a TV. It’s a tween show. So when you say when you said the thing about just walk it out like that, really, what like they it was kind of like rage sex, which again, not sure how healthy that is, but like they did that till the house collapsed around them. And I was like, all right. There’s such a thing as subtle metal for guys in the shirt. Makers were like, fuck metaphore and disagree. Subtle and teenage. Me was like, yeah, put it in my eyeballs. You inject it. So like, that’s the only time that I’ve understood the whole, like, slapping someone against the wall, because at this point, like, he’s a super strong vampire, she’s the super strong slayer. I’m like, they were floating. This is happening. I’m into it. But generally speaking, the the wall thing, the slamming specifically I’m not into. But once we are in a place of just like equal happiness. Nicole, tell us about the next wall situation that has piqued your interests.

S2: We’ve talked about this a little before, but, you know, it’s so good we have to talk about it again. So if the book Casey from Atonement, just so and so well shot, first of all, just on a technical level, it’s just a beautiful see. Come on. Film credits. But also it’s just so fucking hard to see. It’s like you get these close ups of his hand on her. We’re talking about James McAvoy and Keira Knightley, of course. So he kept his close up of close ups with his hands on her, touching her, you know, gently and then so gently, but clearly in a way that, again, is permitted and is about how impassioned they’ve become. Right. And sensual passion. Yes. And then also the look on his face. I mean, you know what? James McAvoy is one of the few women, I think, and who allows his own pleasure or his character’s pleasure in the sex scenes to come forth on his face. It just sounded really terrible. I don’t really they don’t love Google. Do it. But you already got there. Thanks, Michael. Because so often, I think when we see men in sex scenes, they’re just kind of like concentrating on whatever it is they’re supposed to be doing to their partner. And they don’t often they’re not as expressive about their pleasure that their character is also experiencing. Right. With the recent exception of 365 days on Netflix, which he is just very expressive. But it is horrible. I just never want to look at a man’s face ever again. It’s basically like watching John Mayer’s guitar.

S3: Oh, my God. It’ll go into that mine right now. Just stop. Just stop it anyway. Oh, I hope so. Geez, man.

S2: Anyway, I watched that movie. So what do I say? James McAvoy against the bookcase. Just I mean, are clearly enjoying himself. Yes, he is enjoying himself. Yes. And then also curious Faith, you know, she is going through you know, there’s a little discomfort because we’re to assume it’s her first time. Yes. Also, her back is against the bookcase. Right. Which she drops her shoe at one point. But we see that, you know, this is a little clumsy. It’s not going to be like, you know, we’re not going to stay perfectly attired throughout this whole thing. But it’s just I love it so much and more and a little bit from the bookcase and at home. We have talked about the scene and always be my maybe when Marcus and Sasha finally get it on again as adults and he lifts her up against the wall and we get to see that mark.

S7: I will like Lisa Randall said, I think Jim, he said sometimes I go to the gym like I might be a slacker living in my father’s house, but I do be lifting weights. And I was like, okay, because the scene is like that in like the stairwell. So, again, it’s not like the sexiest of locations like I think I want. But we can see the thermostat and it’s like, okay, this is a well regulated home. Okay. Right. Yes. But there’s a movie like he’s he’s like he’s little like white undershirt situation. And, you know, they’ve been kissing very passionately. And then Marcus, just like ever so casually, I think that’s the thing about it. You wouldn’t have expected it really just like lifts. So she’s like she’s against the wall. So we have, like, his back and we can’t really see much of her ex at her arms. And they are looking very happy. And he just lifts. And in doing so, he has his biceps like flex a little bit. Yes. His back flexes a little bit. Yes. And I like he has. And then the next like frame he takes off the top two and I’m like. All of it is good. Do it. It’s such a great scene. Because again, it’s like this on, I suppose, unexpected power in Marcus has it as a character, especially because you don’t necessarily think of him as like this, especially. Listen, at this point we are doing it. Perski on it. Right. Right, right. So it’s just kind of like. Well, I guess, Marcus. Well, good for love. And then he takes off his top. You like also good for the gym. You know, all bodies are good bodies, et cetera. But I wasn’t expecting that from Marcus. I was happy with whatever was gonna be revealed. But I was I was surprised.

S2: I thought I had already said that Keanu, like, put it down. Right. Cause she was she was in another world with Keanu.

S7: Listen. But my expressions on their face and I was like, okay, I guess I know you’re acting Ali Wong, but also don’t tease. Okay, we’re gonna segway directly into another trope that I think, again, like you said, the wisdom of it is, I don’t know, it doesn’t feel correct to me for many reasons, which we will get into very shortly. But for me, it’s the way more often than not, food gets deployed into like like lusty love scenes where I’m just kind of like, no, thank you.

S13: Yes. I can’t stand it.

S2: I have I have a real strong aversion to food waste. And I don’t know if that’s just, you know, a black cultural thing where it’s like food is expensive and you’re going to eat it. And, you know, I’m just being raised in a certain environment where it’s like, eat this and then we’re gonna eat it again to Brown and we’re not eating tomorrow. So forget it. Yeah.

S13: But yes, I don’t like when food is used for pranks, you know, on social media when people are wasting food for pranks. I don’t like food in sex scenes. Right.

S2: It is something that in in my partnerships, in relationships, I would put that very quickly on the table very early, like, oh, we we don’t do it. No, honey, nowhere, honey is pretty good when I do it because, you know, what I got has a very delicate ecosystem. Okay. I see. Means if nothing else, she has the whole system worked out and yes, as best we not disrupt that.

S17: So one of the things of my life is that as I got older, I got an increasing and much more aggressive intolerance to certain things. And that’s for me is dairy. And so many scenes where was supposed to be you know, they’re supposed to be telegraphing all this is sexy, involve whipped cream. And I was lactose intolerant person. First of all, if you’ve ever had to, like, chew a Lactaid, that Troicki taste never leaves you. OK. I do that begrudgingly when I want to eat like a mountain of cheese. I hike. I pop my Lactaid. I do the same thing when I mean like a bunch of ice cream. I tell you what I don’t want to do before getting hot and heavy with someone is like chomp down on a.

S7: And that’s just not OK. It’s just no, there’s no way of making it. It’s not sexy. It’s it’s a choky anti enzyme pill. It’s just it’s not a whole thing. It’s not gonna let me just chew on this lactose in, honey. No, it’s there’s no way to sex it up. That’s one. But also, dairy goes off real quick. You do not want to be making cottage cheese in the crevices of your hot body. So this stuff is disgusting. Just keep your food in the kitchen. Eat it and then retire to another location. Take take. You finish your cake in the in the live in the kitchen and then take you off to go to a second location and enjoy yourself. But you can’t mixing the two. And I know who’s to blame.

S2: Nicole, who is not on a half weeks goddess. Yes. Nine and a half weeks. The erotic thriller of like the mid 80s I believe. Yep.

S13: Starring Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger. They just really did something to put food and erotic foreplay on the map.

S2: But they were just and it was OK. Not only was it wasteful like food, but it was wasted all my electricity because they were in front of the refrigerator door, open for a salad, you know, 30 minutes or some shit like ritual. I was unblinkingly on.

S7: First of all, you were running and all the other food that’s in the fridge. Yes. And second of all, that is a lot of electricity, I think, of the future generations that you are damning, just wasting electricity in the here and now fossil fuels bitch like this is not a this is not a game. Climate change is real.

S3: And also to me, I don’t want to be on the kitchen floor. The kitchen floor is nasty. No matter how late. And I’ll clean it yet.

S7: It’s still disgusting. It’s still disgusting. I listen, Nicole, I fried some chicken the other day. And I had to wipe it up the next. I’m telling you, it was like an oil slick. Yes. So I’m kind of like no matter how often I had to mop the floor twice. You’re telling me that post that mopping, that’s the time for me to sit in front of a fridge and be in fucking bananas and like, I sprayed strawberries and honey and whatever else. I never. It’s like, no, no. Oh, I love. I love. I were both, like, disapproving. Answer no.

S2: OK, so nine and a half weeks time goes forward. Whatever. Then there was this movie called Varsity Blues, which somebody did a whipped cream bikini, which was then parodied in not another teen movie, Jackass. Senator Chris Evans. Yes. He had to wear, but he had to wear the. I think we’ve proved this time. Yes. And so a lot of people, you know, some of the younger folks don’t realize that what he was actually parroting the theme that he was parroting in that butt whipped cream. No. Again, very. Also, I don’t like whipped cream. I have texture issues. And it feels. How can something like fill your mouth but also be empty? You know what I mean? I don’t I don’t like the consistency of it. I don’t like the way it taste. Yeah. Just it always makes me want to gag. It’s a sweet home. Yes. I don’t. I don’t want foam in my mouth. No. Who does it go on. That’s it. So like the thought of trying to be sexy with whipped cream is of gross to me. I don’t want it now. There are some things that are like, OK. That’s cute. OK, Armageddon. Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler.

S7: Yes, I know the scene you’re talking about. Very cute. Yeah.

S2: Cute little animal cracker. Doo doo doo doo doo. Climbing up her body. OK.

S7: That’s cute and sweet. It’s very key. Is it? The important thing is that he didn’t then, like, crush the animal crackers into her navel. That’s why it stays cute and respectful and not wasteful. The animal practice days and there are no crumbs. Life goes on. You see how it gets done.

S2: And it was outside a little picnic outside. It’s not like crumbs are in the bed. And a lot of mess on the living room floor. If you’re doing a living room picnic, you know it’s outside. And so that if something does, you know, get a little messy. There birds and raccoons that we call. We do some biodegradable little circle of life.

S3: Nicole? Yes.

S7: Let’s provide a little worm friends so they can provide for us. That’s that’s the spirit. That’s an egg. No one talks about the eco friendly message at the heart of Armageddon tale about the miners going off to destroy an asteroid. But no, the real story is making some biodegradable fun for the birds. And there’s nothing that rained unhealthy. Oh, they’re going to space. Yes, that’s yeah, that’s not the real story of that movie. That’s another scene that I really like that’s also very cute and like, I’m quite sexy.

S17: And it’s from a movie that I love. They talk about fairly often on the show. Truth about cats and dogs. Oh, right. And there is a scene where Brian, played by Ben Chaplin, feeds with Thurman’s character like some cakes that are in his fridge. And it’s very, very hot. And there’s that last literally the whole scene, like they’re talking she’s come there to kind of confess, you know, the deception that, you know, actually we’re pretending blah, blah, blah. And he’s like, oh, wait. And then he brings some food up from the fridge and she’s like this, like, model who doesn’t eat very much. And he offers us some cakes and she just she eats it and the music is playing and he’s he’s feeding it to her. This should be icky. It should be gross. Come on. We both have opposable thumbs like she can eat herself. There’s something about him just like putting the fork fulls of cake right there. You just gonna. All right.

S7: Feed me Ben Chaplin once. It really works. Anyway, that’s my only food scene. And that’s again, because all the food is consumed via her mouth and it is eaten. It is not a prelude to, like, sexy times. It’s just a lady eating a meal. Right. That’s the shit that I want to see you. My love sees with food. Just eat the meal and then retire. Elsworth a good thing of the post meal activities, but don’t combine the two. That’s not safe. That’s. No, you’re not saving anything like just the two. They should have that designated time slots. Just follow the rules.

S2: One of the more recent examples that we have of food and sexy time comes from call me by your name. The piece, The Infamous Peach.

S7: That’s the sequel that James and the Giant Peaches. The Infamous Peach.

S2: So we have Elio, who is by himself at this point.

S13: This is much later in the movie. Right. And things have happened between him and Oliver.

S2: And so he is know spending some quality time with himself. And he happens to have a peach show. And so he wants to enjoy that peach all by himself. OK. You know, I mean, slice it up in a cobbler. Do know, OK. And we see him like, you know, put his finger in the page and look at tell. OK. We see where this is going to go. Right. More educated field watchers we know about. Yeah. So he uses the peach and he fits it to the side. Right. OK. So he’s in the bed, but it’s like a mattress on the floor.

S13: He sets it to the side next to him. And then Oliver eventually joins him.

S2: And Oliver goes to, you know, enjoy Elio in a particular way. And he realizes from the taste of him that Elio has been doing some intense conversations with his speech.

S3: Oh, OK.

S7: Is a series of terrible, terrible euphemisms. And I love ever.

S2: And so he tries to tease me all about it a little bit. But Elio is you know, he’s a teenager. He’s fucking embarrassed. And it’s awkward or whatever. He just did it. So a beach fly. And Oliver is like playing with the peach to the point where you would think that Oliver is about to eat the peach and whatever else might be, you know, added to each. But they we don’t see that that doesn’t happen. And then I think not at risk. Not not in the film. It doesn’t. Right. In the film, it does not happen. And so I remember when the movie first came out before I had a chance to see it and I did eventually see it.

S13: Of course, there were a lot of people who were just like he should have eaten the peach.

S7: Why didn’t he eat the pizza? Yes. Yes. One of our favorite guests, Hunter Harris, who you I’m sure you’ve heard on our show before, she particular was obsessed with the peach and how it should have been consumed and by whom. I believe there was a time when she would go online everyday on Twitter and just say he should have eaten the peach that that was. That was a hole content of her tweets over and over. And what I love was all the replies going Hunter. Full stop. People, just as she would look back wide eyed like Walt, he would have he should have his lines.

S2: I have no strong thoughts about whether he should have eaten it or not, because I feel like good peach would not have been intact.

S7: Oh my God. They had to eat the structural integrity of the peach. Are you. Are you a physicist right now?

S2: I love it because. OK. Did he take out the seed in the pit of the beach. Yeah. The peat. The pit of the peach. Did you take it out? And if you did the inside one. Take out the pit. The fight is a little rough. It’s kind of prickly, you know, are you a sensitivity reader for Peaches right now? Oh, yeah, I forgot to. The scene doesn’t work, guys, because structurally the peach couldn’t take it. Peaches are my favorite fruit. So I. Oh, my God. Look, I know what they feel like. Oh, you like their softness. And maybe it could have, like, withheld the abuse that Elliot gave up.

S3: But now, Nicole, I’m in a hell of my own making.

S2: You know, I really want to know this because how did he get the pit out and leave the peach in tact enough for him to do what he needed to do, huh?

S13: And it’s still like it’s its little globe form.

S7: Huh? Huh. Well, these are the questions that we will absolutely be posing whenever we reach out to either the director of the movie or the writer of the book. And once we have an answer those buckets, we will be sure to bring that to you. OK. These are questions that Nicole needs answers to.

S2: So we have discussed the table clearing and how sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. Huh? Wall and bookcase and stairwell sessions. Yes, vertical love only a vertical love only. I like that again. Sometimes that works sometimes. But the food never works for us.

S7: A man. That’s the whole seven right there. Sometimes. Sometimes never.