The 2019 Thirst Report

Listen to this episode

S1: High them Hillen coal power you today. I’m doing a OK. I am cold. But like that is correct for December. Yeah. You know what I’ve been doing ever since our Joshua Jackson episode? I’ve been watching Fringe again. Oh, really? Listen. And it holds up.

S2: I guess that motherfucker can wear a pea coat. He does what a lot of people so good revisiting.

S3: Like my earliest bars. I’m like man face.

S2: Still got it. Oh, was it the PS, Pacey? Peter, people wait. Oh, yeah, that’s it. That’s his Petronius. OK. Lots of people that’s happy. It’s like a Sesame Street character. Joshua Jackson brought to you by the letter B. I got a letter P.

S4: That was so forth. And, you know, we’re gonna keep it.

S5: So we’ve had a hell of a year. We went on hiatus for a very what’s the word? I’m looking for a very kind of symbolic nine months.

S6: Yeah. We need to, you know, be reborn. Oh. I feel like a dream.

S3: Yes. We were both. Tell me more about myself. Yes.

S2: And we came back. Thirstier than ever. Why did you do it?

S6: It has been so much fun being here at Slate. And the hiatus served us to, you know, pay attention to the newcomers. Yes. Look at the people, you know, our old faithfuls and see what they’re doing. But, you know, it’s been good to kind of, you know, sit back and watch everything.

S7: Okay. You may have noticed there was no redacted first buckets. Right? That’s OK.

S8: Because we hope to fill the next several minutes with just the goodness that’s coming mostly from you.

S6: Yes. We are going to read some of your questions from Tumblr. Yes. We’re going to get to some of those stars, Somalia requests that have been piling up. And we are so sorry. Not have gotten to them sooner. I just so much thirsting to do, Nicole. Yes. Yes. And of course, we’re gonna do a quick here in roundups about what has been happening in first all the occurrences of this and how they’ve affected us, what’s left us swooning, what’s left us a little bit oddly cold.

S5: I what is absolutely heated up. Are pajamas. So let’s get into it, Nicole.

S9: I’m ready, Nicole.

S10: Yes, ma’am. If you had to point one delicate forefinger and Kamna and one finger only at perhaps your number one either knew thirst or someone blazing a trail in both your mind and in pop culture at large.

S5: Who would that finger? London many.

S11: You seem to tell me more. First of all, his cheekbones are amazing, and I know that’s always like the first thing that people see and talk about how chiseled his face is. I haven’t no, I really don’t know that I have seen someone so physically attractive. Yes. And just like I could look at him and just be like, oh. He is too much. Yes.

S12: Not bad.

S8: I went a little overboard on the cheekbones, but still like purely aesthetically. Yeah. I don’t know that I have ever looks at someone. Or maybe not ever, but not recently looked at someone and just begun giggling. Yes. Like it’s a very girlish feeling of just like.

S13: Yes, there was. He posted a picture of himself. I think it was after the Emmys and good plays did not perform as well as people expect they were snubbed. Yes. And he posted a picture after showing him taking out the garbage in his tux and his suit the hat on.

S6: And he’s looking back at the camera, looking back at something. Oh, my gosh. And it’s kind of blurry. It’s a little out of focus, you know, but it’s still one of the most beautiful images I have seen in all of 2019.

S2: I holding a bag of trash, literally. Bag of trash. Actually, I’m not. This is not a euphemism. No, like just garbage in his hand. And he’s looking back at like, hey, life goes on. Do you know how beautiful you have to be to be a guy carrying a bag of rubbish to be a blurry photo? See the night after a big night out the night before.

S10: And he looks fresh as a motherfucking daisy and hot on top of it. So you’ve mentioned the cheekbones and the jaw line jaw. It’s new. It’s no small thing. It’s a it’s a it’s an attack. Yes. It looks like this is gonna sound weird, but it just looks like there’s just barely enough skin to keep you from looking at skeletal.

S3: That but I should have before. It should not.

S7: So I just I want to know the angel that was put in charge of crafting his face because that angel went on a long break. Maybe a smoke break and came back and was like, now watch me work, because the whole configuration, it just feels like an indulgence. It feels like somebody was like iron guns. I’ve been taking a little bit easy. I’m going to show you what I’m capable of.

S10: So we’re going from a brand new role and encompassing things to a very old, all encompassing things. Yes. Yes.

S6: Our favorite, our patron saint, Keanu Reeves. And I feel like we have brought him up almost every episode this season, but that is fire power. Yes.

S7: Listen, if I were Keanu Reeves, I would expect to turn up in every episode of everything. Just I want someone to reference me every so often.

S8: Just casually. But that’s the power of Keanu. A, he. He had a very big year.

S13: Yeah, he was. And John Wick three. He was Toy Story. Yes.

S3: Was playing that Riddick. Yes. Kaboom. Which is it? Incidentally, the sound my aunt makes whenever I think about can. Shout out to you publicly. Name their picks up.

S13: And then, of course, he was and always be my maybe the cameo of all cameo.

S7: Yeah. An extended cameo. That was actually pitch-perfect.

S6: Yes. And it was so good because he was playing someone so not himself. So not what we know of him. Right. You know, he was playing himself, but he was playing an evil version. I guess you could say a bad version. Exaggerate. Yeah. Someone that was clearly into celebrity in a way that Keanu is not in real life. Demonstrably not at all. So there was also this flight that he was on. There had an unscheduled landing. There was something wrong with the plane or something like that. And so people had to the passengers had to get into a van and travel to the next airport. And Quijano was part of that. You know, first, why he’s flying public. Right. He’s flying commercial.

S2: The most commercial. Yeah. Enough that he doesn’t have your money cheap enough to just be doing this kind of mass.

S6: I’m like, who the fuck are you flying with spirits in the van in order to keep people’s spirits up and to keep them from, you know, being terrible customers. He decides to distract everybody and like join in the conversation and show them little things on his phone. And it was just a sweet thing. And everyone was again, just very impressed by back by how kind.

S5: He was sickly. And you know what? It costs so little. So, yeah, counterman is a reason why it’s off of the first tree for us this year. He added several reasons. Yes. So of course, this was also the year of the end of phase two or three or seven or whatever of the Marvel Cinematic Universe because Avengers and Game came out.

S6: Right. Right. Right. And you know, we’ve talked about this before the beginning of our first episode when you coined the very memorable new name for Hulk.

S3: Oh, Professor Daddy. So it was a sweater. OK.

S6: Yes. But we also realized that there were a lot of people who were lusting after Thanos. Exactly.

S5: And this is a holdover, of course, from the first, you know, first part of The Avengers and game nonsense, which was Infinity War. And you know what? We don’t yell at anyone’s young. There is very much a lid for every pot. Listen, we have done a whole episode about animated hotties.

S14: Shout out the Looney Tunes, shout out to Eugenia more Barrett. Yeah. Amazing guest on that episode. Yes. And she also led the charge this time around for fucking Thanos. And if I see Gina, I will fight her. But, you know, she spoke for a very large group of people.

S7: And in fact, in October, there was the interview with the Korean filmmaker. Bong Jin Ho, who said about superhero movies, this is around the whole discourse around. We’ve known forever this year. He basically said, you know, the problem with superheroes is that they dont have any sexuality, that they are neutered, which, you know, there’s arguments for and against. Right. And Gina quote tweeted that quotes and said in all caps, Thanos would beg to differ, you lying bench, which I feel like is the final word on Thanos.

S6: I mean, OK, if I can see if for Professor Daddy Hawk, I guess I can understand why people see it for this big purple like Frankenstein footed scrotum chain.

S3: Yes. Fucking alien who wants to wipe out everyone.

S15: But you know what? To each their own. Lean into your buzz. Do it responsibly and stay the fuck away from my time.

S16: Enjoy. Enjoy. benos by yourself.

S8: One of the things I realized in twenty nineteen is that for someone who watches a lot of telly you don’t watch nearly enough telly. Oh okay. Yeah. So obviously one of the biggest shows of the year has been Watchmen on HBO. And of course it does. My Queen and yours, Regina King, who’s amazing. She is consistently has been, as someone pointed out onto his original Ben King.

S7: She is amazing.

S5: And everyone around her, they’ve really got this remarkable RAICES room. Mockable directors’, this fantastically moody thing. I’ve only seen a little bit of this guy that we’re about to talk about.

S10: Not even the best part of him, God bless him, but like, he is so handsome. Like as a standing, just like an object in the distance. Yes. He’s just an attractive piece of the landscape. Like he’s very, very beautiful. But also he can just act. Yes. Ya-Ya Abdoul, my team. The second to listen on the name of a king somewhere’s just for royalty there.

S6: I first saw him our first realize. That’s what I was looking at in the Black Mirror episode, striking vipers here, which was actually pretty good. And. I was just like, wow, who who is this? Because, you know, in this particular episode, he wasn’t necessarily put out there as a thirst object, but he is just a handsome man that there’s no way you can not notice that he is handsome and stereotypical handsome as well.

S8: It’s all the best features. He has that smooth, dark brown skin like it just looks like it looks like the surface of a pond. Yeah. This shit is just smooth on healing. You just want to run your hand over his face chin like run your fingers through his beard. I’m doing live drabble now and I apologize.

S6: I just he’s very handsome guy. Yes. And then I went back and I saw him in Aqua Man. Yes. He is playing black manta.

S14: And I felt like the most about it says as a black guy, that black black man. Black man. Yeah, that’s the one. And he was an us.

S13: He was young Lupita and Django’s character’s father. And like the flashbacks. Yeah. I never saw it. Yeah. Right. Yes. But he has had you know, he again, he’s one of those people that were watching his star rise slowly but surely. And he is beautiful. There have been some moments where he has his shirt is off. Yeah. He’s got a great little Jif story on our attack Tumblr.

S10: And I just I imagine he’s just like so tired of people kind of a you know, a beautiful. Right. But does he know? I don’t know. I don’t know. Like. And, you know, you spoke about some of his projects. I remember watching a little bit of the get down on them. The time was one of the most expensive products. And in that, he also has a shot of more than once, which we thank Gordon best lemon. He’s just like this. He’s he’s very because of the way he looks. I think they give him very physical roles. Mm hmm. And he’s not he’s not he’s not shy about the show. He’ll know he’ll come on. But I guess. What do you need me to do? Yeah. Where do you need me to be? Yes. And I’m grateful every time. Because it never feels gratuitous, which is saying a lot. If you’re top is always off because you’re gonna like. You should wait to see his nipples. But like, it feels like it’s folded in in a very kind of believable way. And I think part of that, of course, is that he actually has a lot of depth to him because we’ve gone on and on about his physical beauty, which is not what this show is about in whole. It’s part of it, obviously. But like, he can act. And isn’t that wonderful when the show the packaging kind of matches the insights?

S6: Yes. And from what I understand, I have not been able to watch Watchmen yet, but I’m gonna get to it soon. But from what I have been able to gather from all the tweets that populate my timeline every Sunday, if he is doing some work on that show. Yep.

S5: And imagine being on the same day as Regina King and not putting in your best listen.

S6: Yes, I am. I’m looking forward to that. I’m looking forward to see what happens for his 2020. And you know, again, we may see him pop up on the show next year. Not necessarily him in person in an interview. But, you know, we may talk about him. I don’t know. Who knows? Who knows?

S5: Our final little round up for 2020 is gonna be brief because Lord knows there have been enough column inches about this. Yes, it’s about Chris Evans sweater. His knitwear situation drives out rain. Ryan Johnsen’s, who done it, has been getting lots of rapturous reviews. I really loved it.

S6: Yeah, I love the movie as well. That is part of that is one of my many catnip situations. I love a good who done it right. I love a good ensemble cast where every performance was incredible.

S5: Rich white people in a big old house. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, it’s good. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty solid. Yeah. And shout out to Ryan Jones for delivering on the promise of his youth. Not many of us get to it. That’s all right. Now, the key thing is we don’t want to talk about those fucking jumpers. Those sweaters, as you call them in America. We want to talk about something else. Nicole, tell me about the tweet that you sent out on the first of December.

S6: So I said I gave a little thirst report after I went to see the movie and I said the sweaters were fine, I guess. But Chris Evans is lashes. Make him a dirty fucking slut.

S7: There you go. That’s the best journalism at its finest. Where’s the Pulitzer committee? Because you nailed it.

S1: The jumpers, the sweaters, they’re fine, right? There’s the white jumble that everyone lost their shirts over. Fine is fine. There is a slightly better blue jumper. Blue jumper is much better than the cable knit one. And the blue brings out his eyes, as you know, whatever. It’s grey. The lashes listen. They are like camel’s lashes. They are so long. I got to breeze off the screen every time he blinked. And they’re not even like particuarly curly or anything. They’re actually fairly straight, but they’re thick. And you can see just enough gender. Cause, you know, I love my gender. So it’s like a little gallow radar. So I see some ginger in the lashes with like the dark blonde and brown. Like he’s got like when the light hits it just like a quick flash.

S2: And I go, Hey, Nicole, hey, Chris is lashes. Hey, Chris. Got to show Chris. Just come back on the show who you already know. It’s a good time.

S5: So we’re switching up all of our little segments. End of year mailbag special. Yes. And we are going to one of our more reliable sources of mailbox. Listen, we asked people to send us questions on Tumblr and youth. US buckets are like, all right. Then you send us five million asks. And very slowly we trudge through them because we type like tortoises. But we are trying to do something here where we’re bringing some of the Tumblr questions from the ask box onto the show, which I don’t think we’ve ever done before, but we’re going to power through quite a few right now. Yeah. You ready, Nicole? I am ready. Let’s go. Has an anonymous question that will send to the air to the inbox on Tumblr. And they said, how do we feel about Timothy Oliphant specifically in his role as Raylan Givens in Justified? My favorite episode is Blowback. If you’re interested, first of and on Worrell was interested. But yeah. Nicole, how do you feel about Timothy? I love Timothy because he did.

S2: His name is not dissimilar. It’s a bimonthly, which is mine.

S6: We talked about Timothy briefly in our episode called Southern Base. Our first episode.

S5: And I remember that we were babies. I know now because I loved him and justified so much.

S17: And he is one of the few people, I think, who gets a southern accent. Right, because he’s from California. But he has this really good Southern accent justified takes place in eastern Kentucky. And I feel like he nailed it. And I think that he’s very handsome. Yeah, I think that he is very sexy. I think he’s very funny.

S6: I think his career he’s had. He has a long career. He has varied roles in his career. Right.

S7: He’s doing it all. I did a profile of him a few years ago, a couple of years ago, which, you know, we can link to on the Tumblr.

S8: And I spoke about his range. He has the range. He has the receipts to showcase the range. He’s very good at comedy. I wanted to do more comedy because he’s very funny and justified is kind of like a dark humor. You know? So he gets the kind of showcase, very kind of deadpan thing. I really love him. I think the world can only benefit from what Timothy Olyphant and I didn’t say that about many white men, but I mean it. Timothy, call to go back to your comment about his perfection of his accent. There’s a clip that you love with every fiber of your being.

S6: Absolutely. Anytime someone is like, Oh, should I watch justified, I pull up this clip because I’m like, yes, and here’s why. And it’s not even anything sexual or thirsty or anything. But as such, it is. He gets the accent so good.

S17: I just. Yes. It just really gives me strong feelings.

S13: And this episode is from Season 3, Episode 3, and it’s called Harlan Roulette. And in this in this clip.

S17: Raylan Givens is confronting, you know, this guy Duffy, that he has had some, you know, some dealings with.

S16: Duffy has kind of betrayed him or got him in a situation that Raylan tried to avoid.

S6: And so he, you know, is he punches Duffie for a little bit and he’s trying to let him know that the next time that they get to this point where he’s got to come correct him, there’s going to be some gunfire. And so, yeah, here’s this little clip.

S18: Floatie found another one, a shallow reston’s spot. I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit because I know it was you that called a shot on me. Duffy, I know. I know. Just like I know. It’s no accident that Emmett Arnette and his assistant are missing.

S19: Next one’s coming faster.

S13: OK, listen. What he did, he threw a bullet at him. He said, look here. Cock the gum pocket. Pull it out through the bullet at his chest and said, next one’s come in faster. Right. As in he’s going to shoot him. Right. But that look here. That what now?

S10: Say it again. Look here. It’s so good. Look, he’s got the base in it. He you know, it is slowing. It is so good and creamy and just.

S3: Right. Well, it’s really good. Oh, thank you for that. Yeah. You want to be alone, right?

S13: I love Raylan Givens so much that I was like, if I get a boy cat, I’m gonna name him Raylan.

S10: That’s beautiful. A full power. Ladies and gentlemen, lean in.

S6: Our next question is also from Anonymous. And they ask any thoughts on Bob Mallie?

S10: Now, when this question first came up, I was not sure who Bob Marley was until Bem showed me a picture. And then I was like, oh, yes. She didn’t say just, oh, yes. Listen, is she. She made a sound that came from deep, deep in her alimentary canal. The shit came from her guts and it kind of manifested. She kind of like swung her chair on over and she was like, yeah.

S1: Yes. I watched the one hundred. We all did. We are we have many, many a history of watching some questionable shit. Yeah. Too long.

S6: And I you know, I saw that he was a very handsome man. But again, because he was kind of playing someone a little younger than I would prefer in real life I could. I didn’t feel comfortable attaching myself to any kind of thirst for him. But, yes, it is there.

S11: And I understand did. And. Yes. Thank you, Anonymous, for that question.

S2: He’s so handsome. He also has a really lovely head of hair. Yes.

S10: He’s actually he’s actually 34 years old. So he has his attention. Yeah. He was basically playing a young girl like everyone playing a teenager on American TV is always like you see someone who’s like he has like four children and like, he’s 19. I’m like, he is so bubbies actually mixed race.

S8: His mother is from the Philippines and his father is Australian. And he has, like we mentioned before, a beautiful head of hair, beautiful, gorgeous eyes. And he has this really lovely smile. Yes. It’s just very warm. Like the photo of him on Wikipedia is him smiling. And when I first saw it, I smiled back at him and I was like, why?

S2: Why are you smiling at your screen?

S10: Okay. Here’s a question from the wonderfully named person Hot Bitch Wednesday and they said hello. I just started listening and I love the way you’ll talk about desire. So, so much. I’m wondering if you’re familiar with Slash. What are your thoughts on Oded Fehr of the Mummy and resident evil thing?

S4: Yes, that is a big capital.

S1: All caps. Yes. Two thumbs up. Oh, yes.

S6: Oh, that is a very handsome man. I mean. And even as he’s gotten older, even front, you know, of course, the mummy, he was beautiful. Cause now he’s almost all grey. Fully gray beard. Yes. Yes.

S8: But the full answer, Harbage Wednesday is y e as he is just a man to evil.

S6: Our next question is from Krakoff Fallah. Great name. Also, thoughts on Hozier currently obsessed and it kind of came out of nowhere. OK, Rockefeller, I’m so glad that you asked.

S10: I love Hozier.

S20: I, I I.

S3: Okay.

S6: I have seen him twice in concert now.

S11: Huh. He is everything for me. He is tall, huh? Skinny. Yes. Ginger, huh?

S1: Long hair, bearded. Work it poetic. Okay. Plays guitar a bit. A little sad and kinky. Psychologists to say all of it. Yes.

S15: It’s just.

S6: And he’s got this beautiful, deep, rich voice when he sings. He’s Irish. So. OK. When it comes to accents beyond like my southern accent, my love for southern accent, I’m not like super into accents. Well, you know, like a lot of American people are just like, oh, this doesn’t sound like home. I love it. You know, they’re very into any kind of accent that’s you know, that’s fine. But Irish accents are the ones that really get me. I would say so. When he’s talking. Yeah, I’m very much just like drooling, like, what do you like? I have been lobotomize like would like. Tell me where to go. Wow. I love him.

S10: Just as a sciences that loves out your frontal lobe. Yes. What a. Wow. I.

S7: I mean, I think he’s OK, but it’s not my opinion you’re here for it’s Nicole’s very detailed plus breakdown. So lean into that. Say, if you are currently obsessed, Nicole is permanently obsessed. Yeah. You should definitely find one another in the crowd at a Hozier concert. You’ll know each other by the lobotomize drooling you’re doing. It’s fine so far.

S6: Our last question from the Tumblr inbox. The doctor’s fallen angel asked, Is there a way for us to still get Merche curious, thirsty minds want to know? OK. We are working on that. And hopefully, you know, toward the start of the new year, we will be able to get you more information about that. It is. You know, these things take time. And we have put out on Twitter a question where we asked you what kind of merchandise you want us to relaunch with.

S7: So we have a lot of people did a lot. Yeah.

S2: And why do we have a branded airplane? And it was like five. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don’t think we’ll do panties, but we appreciate the thought we did.

S13: You know, we want to do something that’s going to, you know, work for everybody. But we are working on marriage. It will happen. Maybe we can’t say like January, but it will be the first quarter of twenty twenty eight men. How little? Let’s just say that. Thank you for asking. Yes, thank you.

S5: The doctor’s fallen angel. Good name. Also, I love Tumblr for names.

S13: Yeah. Yeah. And one more thing. Yeah. This is a housekeeping thing. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. We get this obviously a lot on Tumblr, Twitter and our personal inboxes. Instagram is like wherever people think that they can find us, someone is always asking us, can you do an episode on X, Y, Z? When are you gonna do an episode on this person? And we appreciate your enthusiasm. Love it. Love it. But we do not take requests.

S6: And really, we do want to know who you’re thinking about because it does help us formulate who we talk about, you know, helps us plan our episodes and things like that. But we cannot do personal episodes for everybody. And, you know, for many reasons, sometimes we don’t like the person that you like.

S5: That’s the most common reason. It’s kind of like, I’m so glad you feel strongly about this person. There is absolutely nothing happening in the food. But you know what? Goforth and fancy who you fancy?

S6: Yeah. You don’t need us to prove your thirst. You don’t need to hear us necessarily talk about your person. You can just kind of imagine what we would say if we like that person.

S10: Exactly. Sometimes, you know, if you go back and look at our archive and we have all our episodes up on our slate page, you can find us every single episode we’ve ever recorded. Sometimes we’ve already covered your face. Yes. Sometimes I’ve already done it. Sometimes they are not the main things object, but they’re in there. Sometimes we discuss them and thus Somalia. So there are lots of things out there. And yeah, Nicole said it. We have to fancy the puzzle and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we just think this person hasn’t done enough for us to do like a whole episode on Ray especially.

S6: They’re fairly new to the scene. And, you know, there are people that we are keeping our eye on for later episodes and then sometimes there are people that we just cannot talk about for many different reasons, some of them semi-legal.

S2: Yes. To have to roll with it.

S5: We hope that we eventually cover some of your faves. We’ve been doing this for a while. There are very many hot people in the world and we are trying to cover as many as we can. Sometimes all tastes and utilities will not gel, but that’s mine because you will clearly the lid for that pot and we will do our best to be the lid for our pot.

S8: So carrying on switch it up kind of mode for this episode. Hmm. We are not doing fanfic wars, right? Yeah, spine time. So we have quite the archives. You can go back and listen to your heart’s content.

S7: Yes, but we have reached into our inbox, which is groaning under the weight of many travels. And in a lot of you straight up, just disregard our request to keep it brief.

S2: Yeah. There has been quite a few who have sent us to pages. Somebody attached a word document of p_d_f_ said it’s fine. It’s fine.

S7: We love reading them right. But we cannot read them on the air. It’s just not gonna get to the air. And that’s my. Maybe you don’t want them to get to the air. But, you know, we do ask for you to keep it brief and all of you will like, yeah, fuck you.

S15: You know what? A part of me respects that, right?

S14: Yeah. It has to come out at any length that it comes out. That’s not a pun.

S15: So shout out to everyone.

S6: Yeah. And again, we want to stress that these are that they’re good, that we enjoy them and they’re solid. But we just for sake of time, we cannot read your two page Drabble ad thing. I don’t think there’s even a Drabble anymore at that point. But I like you.

S10: End of term paper. Yeah. It’s just straight up some flash fiction. Like it’s like an involved one shot. Yeah. We’re not in though. This is an three so we can read it on air. We can read it and like chuckle warmly in the inbox but you’re not gonna hear your name on the show. But we have gone into the inbox and we have selected a a few dribbles that we think yeah. That some of them, even these ones are a little bit long because you know, like I said, instructions one of those.

S8: But we have three first buckets who have put their pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and they’ve typed out all sorts of scenarios and we’re gonna read we’re gonna power through them right now. So these are not original fanfic from us, but they are original fanfic from the community. We’re all about community here on Thursday, Kit. Okay, Nicole. You ready?

S10: I’m ready. Let’s get it. Let’s go. So this is from Liza or Eliza Trushell.

S21: She sent us this about one of the consistent and constant best objects. Mr. Christopher Evans. And this is her drabble. I yawn as I pad into the kitchen. Chris, his back is to me. His head bowed over a sizzling pan. He sneaks and bacon to the dog. He really should stop doing that. Unable to resist temptation. I wrapped my arms around his waist, sliding my hands under his shirt. Luxuriating in the warmth of his skin. I press my cheek to the dip between his broad shoulders and let my eyes close. He hums low and soft, and I humpback. I scratch my fingers through the hair below his navel. Not too coarse, bitch.

S10: What are you doing?

S22: I open my eyes again when he shifts to take a sip of coffee. Oh, my God. Coffee. I reach for his mug, which he holds just out of reach. He chuckles as I make my way to the pot, inordinately pleased with himself. I pour myself a cup and perch at the kitchen island. Chris places a full plate in front of me, and I grunt appreciatively. You’re welcome. He says Litsa.

S6: Oh, and that’s not even all of that at all. Yeah, we had to pause.

S14: There was going some places. Are we? We appreciate that, Litsa.

S7: That was a good drabble. So thank you very much. Apologies for not doing all of it because like I said, it was a little bit long. But we appreciate where your head was. Yeah. I just very quickly point to the fact that Litsa specifically mentioned the broad shoulders and the head below the navel.

S15: Eliza. You bitch. What are you doing? Why? Good. Visualize. What are you doing? Hi. Right.

S6: Our next job from a listener is by theto or thatto. And they are writing in about Frank Ocean. Ah. Truly.

S10: And you know, mostly untapped source. Yeah, you’re right. It’s very, very hot. I think he’s very cute and he’s singing out there. Yeah. Feelings and emotions. Yeah. I’m excited about this, Nicole. Okay.

S23: We’d both been crying after a week of silence. We spent the evening speaking in muted tones, reciting our way to the inevitable after three and a half years. Our conversation had reached the point where his questions morphed into a monologue. Do we waste each other’s time? No. We were wonderful together. You still want children? Both a question and a statement. I’m sorry. At that moment, all I wanted was for him to sink his pelvis into mine while he vanished, the taste of brined from my lips. Instead, he cushioned his onto our spot where my job meets my neck and I would never see him again. What’s.

S2: That’s some outbreak shit, that heart hot heartbreak. I was in The O.C., taught me well.

S6: Oh, my goodness. Theto or fatto. I’m sorry if we are mispronouncing your name, but that was really good. It was the third tablet that we haven’t covered before. No. A Swede’s yet steamy heartbreak situation. Which is very well done. It takes it, you know, it takes really good care to to make that good. You know, and that’s I said what they wanted. Also, Francis think his Pulver’s into theirs. And I thought Cink. Yeah, yeah. All right. Have Brian fucking dusty poetry. He’s going to make me queue up some frank later tonight.

S5: It was a place of thinking why our final drabble this week from are incredibly talented. First bucket pool is from Rose Cossa and it’s another Chris. But it’s Chris. Bang. Yeah.

S2: Oh, feelings. He is so hot here and I’m so grateful he exists and is in the world.

S5: And again, we have 20:20 brings more Chris paying into our lives. But this drabble is someone feelings and feelings. So shout out to you, Rose.

S21: Here it is. Despite the racing of my heart, I felt cold and clammy as I walked towards the coffee shop. The nausea roiling in the pit of my stomach and the anxiety hurtling through my brain.

S22: We’re just barely in check. Chris was in there and I was freaking out about seeing him again. Chris and I had been close friends since our early 20s. Our relationship solidly built on laughter and good food. But after an argument near last Thanksgiving, we stubbornly hadn’t spoken in almost a year except for the simple takes I had gotten. Last night’s letting me know that he was in town and would I like to meet for coffee? What Chris wasn’t aware of was that at the root of my embarrassingly petulant behavior during and after argument was the fact that I had fallen in love with him years ago and have been too insecure to let him know I’d missed him terribly. Scanning the cafe, I spotted him before he’d seen me. He had a day’s worth of stubble on his chin and was wearing a navy blue button down, rolled up at the forearms and opened at the neck, which, as was his habit, giving just enough glimpse of his chest for me to know. I’d start hyperventilating if I let myself think about it even a little bit. But as soon as I saw him, the strangest thing happened. My impending panic attack simply melted away. This was just Chris, my goofy and sensitive friend. As his eyes found me warm and open, a huge grin lit up his face and my own smile followed. Here you are, he said, his voice a bit rough, and the words tiny with his accent. He pulled me immediately into a hug, his arms tightening more closely around me, just as I expected him to begin pulling away. Then he bent his head down until his smiling lips were resting. Right where my neck met my shoulder. A little firework of hope rose and burst in my chest. I turned my head towards him, resting my cheek on his warm temple so I could whisper into his ear. Rose.

S4: Hey. Okay.

S3: I see you said there was a whole firework. This whole firework busted.

S15: I’m sitting here pressing my hand to my chest.

S4: President firework. Okay.

S15: This was a really good you. Yes. Suddenly, like someone’s grandma got a hold up.

S7: I mean, come on, grandma. No. That was lovely. That was really sweet.

S6: I like that. My goofy, insensitive friend. This is all sweet.

S10: I’m looking. Hey, are you good? Are you my friend? Reach out. Oh, my goodness. I love it. Yeah. That was really good. Thank you. All of them were really good. This is what I’m saying. There is such a talented pool of people out there. How do you know what this is? How rosemann. That was not a shoulder of the know. Well, we read the whole thing, Rose, because of your goofy, insensitive friend Chris back. Yes. Yes.

S7: That’s talent. So, listen, you can send your own rebels. Then we will be reading them all. Like we say, we love getting these troubles.

S5: It’s been a very particular source of pride and joy for us. When people tell us that it’s because of us that they’ve picked up a pen and begun writing fanfic either for the first time or they’ve re found their joy, right? Yeah.

S8: And writing fanfic fiction. We appreciate it. Please send us your troubles. Please make them short, please, and send them to first aid kit at slate.com. And perhaps we will read them out on the air. So please include your pronouns as well.

S6: All right, so we’ve got a bulging inbox of third familiar requests as well as always, Bolger’s. So we’re going to, you know, play a couple of those voicemails and see if we can help Arthur’s buckets out.

S5: I’m really excited because again, we haven’t really done a lot of Somalia this this period. But we’re definitely going to do more of that. Yeah. Really? You know, as we go on. Don’t worry about it. There will be more. We’ve had a couple of panicked people going, hate you. So defensive. Yes, we do. We’ve just had a lot of things to get out. So there hasn’t been time. We apologize. Well, we’re doing that now. Little bump of Somalia. I’m excited.

S6: Yes. So our first voicemail is from Maddie.

S24: Hi, ladies. I’m Maddie. A member of our society needs to stop having sex crushes on them. But I would like server commendations. As far as Nick Miller from New Girl is definitely a first. Just offering someone in the C for younger girls recommendations are for any male sexual character crashes. Thanks again.

S16: God bless you, mighty. Yes. You know, we just did an episode on Jake Johnson did. And obviously we talked about Nick Miller for quite a minute. And in that episode, we have strong feelings about Nick Miller.

S8: I mean, he’s he’s someone you shouldn’t fancy and yet do. Yeah. And that’s down to Jake Johnson. The thing about Nick Miller is that he is, of course, if you add up all his bits, you shouldn’t fancy him because he’s a massive human being. But of course, he’s played by Jake Johnson is not Imus who’s a very skilled actor. Yeah. Who brings Nick Miller to life? Yes. So I see what Muddy is seeing and Nick, because I see it, too. Same cynical. Do you have a suggestion?

S13: I am going to suggest Jake Peralta from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, as played by Andy Samberg. You know what? That is inspired. Yeah, I think you would like. Yeah.

S15: Correct. Take the praise, Jake Peralta.

S6: When the show first started, he was another one of those, you know, cocky white guys who wanted all the accolades, you know, all the praise for his cop skills. Right. I know. But then he slowly learned that he cannot be diehard by himself. That’s one of his favorite movies of all time. Maybe his actual only favorite. Yeah. So he can’t be Bruce Willis. He can’t suck up all the credit for everything. He has to work with his team. But when he started out, he was also a mess. He was one of those people who did not know how to take care of himself. He kept food in his file cabinet at his desk. To the point that it rotted and attracted raccoons. And, you know, like all this kind of stuff. But you also knew that there was a sincere heart, you know, to him and that he was definitely trying to help out people as much as he can.

S17: As a cop and in as you know, as his friendships with everyone grew. And then he became, you know, a lovely husband to someone.

S6: And, you know, on the show, Amy Amy Santiago, who the proposal that he gave was one of the best proposals on television that I have ever seen.

S8: Michael show so often knocks it out of the park. Yes. When it comes to portraying a meeting of equals. Yes. Minds and personalities just kind of gelling. And Jake, for also, like you said, a mess. His car is essentially like a condemned piece of like scrap metal. His home situation is terrifying. Like, how are you still alive? I do think he knows what nutrients are. I don’t think he eats like real meals. Right. And then, like you said, he grows, which is the the actual motif of Nick Miller’s life is to go from being an island and a pretty shitty island full of refuse and like, you know, dead animals and becoming a human being in a community of other human beings.

S22: I think that is inspired. Thirst, Somalia action.

S17: Thank you. Doing amazing. Thank you. Do you have any suggestions?

S8: Yes. I am staying very firmly in the world of Michael Scheuer, who is again one of two white men. I stand when it comes to TV because he just mostly gets it right. And, you know, upload it where you see that shit. I’m gonna go a little bit left field. I don’t know what your sexuality is, muddy, but just in case I’m gonna throw into the mix. ELEANOR Shell Strobe from the Good Place, played by Kristen Bell. And the reason why is exactly what you said about Jake. ELEANOR is a shit bag of human beings.

S7: Yes, she is the worst person who has ever accidentally been even close to have. She is awful. She is pretty bad. And she. Gets that way because of various circumstances in her life, but also as is the way with most horrible people, she just is terrible.

S2: Some people just like it was one saying like she has like these terrible histories with a previous partners.

S8: She’s kind of like mean and she’s selfish and she’s greedy. And then slowly she comes into a community of people and she becomes something more. What I like about her also is that she is very much like Nick Miller puts a hand. And she’s like, yes, I’m pretty sure. Yeah, I’m pretty bad. Helped me be a better person. What I love also about her, much like Nick Miller, is that she’s striving to be better, just like Jake is in Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I can see that this course of action isn’t perhaps the best way forward. Right. Yeah. Want to change? Yeah. And that’s Nick. When he first goes out with Jessica, when he they break up and when they get back together, all the things are. It’s basically a man striving to reach the potential that he knows lives inside him. And ELEANOR does a similar thing where she’s conic way I can affect change and that change starts with me. Shut up, Michael Jackson. But she’s trying to kind of be better. And that’s just very attractive. You know, we talk a lot about competency kink, but there is also something about striving kink. Yes. Improvement, Trumans. You know what? I want to look at your you know, your report card at the beginning of the year. I look at your report card at the end and kind of see that D low turned into A, at least a B minus. Isn’t that nice?

S6: That’s very nice. I think also looking at these characters, Nick Miller, Jake Perotta, el-Nashar, Strupp, these are people who yes, they’ve had outside people like romantic interest that kind of motivate them, but they stay motivated for themselves. So they’re not turning to people that they are not they’re not re-creating themselves. Again, they aren’t just like this is the potential that I’ve always had inside of me. Let me just go ahead and activate it for, you know. Yes, for my loved ones. But also because it actually feels good to be this person.

S5: Yes, I love it. Yeah. So yeah, essentially go and find all the works of Michael Show and just watch them. You’ll find many of those subjects in that day. I hope those two options open up the door for you. But yeah, hopefully that works out for you.

S6: Yeah. Thanks for calling in. And we have one more voicemail from Emily, who is looking for a very particular kind of first object.

S25: Hey, guys, I love the podcast. Just fire sweet calling for celeb crush requests. I would like to put in a vote for none other than Greg Sprinkel from succession. He is an actor named Nicholas Braun. He is apparently approximately 6 foot 9 inches tall. And Instagram is fire. And I think you guys should check him out. All right. Keep up the good stuff by.

S2: Emily, six foot nine.

S5: Greg Sprinkles, a.k.a. actor Nicholas brawne is your crush. And we think that’s wonderful. Yes. Yes.

S6: I have watched succession yet. I have definitely seen Meemaw’s. I’ll go. jeffs’ clip’s everything. Many. Yes. Yes.

S23: And I can kind of see why anybody would want to thirst after him, even though he seems to be pretty goofy.

S2: Yeah. Yes. His middle name is Greg Goofy Sprinkles. That’s a no no. But yeah, he’s very endearing.

S8: I’ve only seen the beginning of season one. So I have a lot of stuff to catch up on over the holidays. But I like his face. It’s incredibly open. It’s almost childlike. Like he’s the kind of person who you imagine is very bad at poker. You go to good how you go like this the. But you just won’t like.

S2: I guess it’s good that he’s an actor. Yes. He has to lie for a living. Exactly. His face is wide open.

S7: He has like a nervous smile and every other shot. Well, you can see him looking around like these rich people. Not so. I mean, is trying to kind of hold on. Greg is. Cousin Greg is. Yeah. He’s this awkward, weird guy who is not as rich as the other branches of the family.

S21: And he’s trying to kind of find a place in there.

S5: So his overwhelming characteristic is just nerves, like he’s just like a ball of dust up. What the fuck the mug, which, you know, I can relate to in some moments. Not always. You know, I’m pretty confident. Beautiful woman. They find it like it’s very interesting to kind of see that portrayal on TV in the show that’s full of like rich dickheads. Like he’s just like this person who’s like very not very much. Not that I’m just trying to fit in. So my suggestion for Baz and this is gonna be super obvious and I apologize. Emily, the first person I thought of, like I mean, instantly the minute you said anyone else, I was like fum. Can I interest you in the work of Zack Woods or I like Zack Upshots.

S6: You do? Yes.

S1: And they go by his broad.

S6: Listen, he is a tall, skinny thing that looks just like he is going to explode into a pile of nerves. But also, I think that he is very much a man in the privacy of his home.

S2: I’m just going to I’m just going to I’m just gonna say that you say that with the love that would wake of the dead is EPO filled? I hear what you’re saying.

S5: He does look like a bag of nerves. He’s very pale. He has like circles under his eyes, like dark circles. I saw a great tweet a few years ago that called him a pale Victorian ghost. Yes.

S7: And I see it. And he has, in fact, played a spectre of the Ghostbusters remake a few years ago called Garrets. So he’s very much.

S8: He has a very kind of his laugh is awkward. His eyes are very shifty. Who he kind of does this thing where you kind of hikes his nose a little bit when he’s, you know, in a place of not like discomfort. He played this kinds of cool Chad on in the loop. He turned up in Veep. He does this thing of being someone who is just on the edge of comfort. He’s always just a little bit off. And I know many a strong, capable woman who’s kind of like, oh, yes, well, that’s what it do.

S6: Yeah. There was an article about him during the Silicon Valley years, the TV show Silicon Valley. And I remember I don’t really remember the contents of that article, but it was circulating on Twitter because someone had his caption, the article, this man Fox, because they could tell whatever his you know, his answers in the interview, in the profile were, you know, revealing in a particular kind of way.

S16: And I was just like, yeah, I know. And I could tell you from the office when he was playing this terrible person, Gabe, on or off. I mean, he was a terrible, terrible ended up being there. They all. Yeah. But I knew that he you know, he’s very tall.

S6: Yes. And I feel like everything is proportionate. Oh, wow. Okay.

S2: Well, that’s quite the statement. You know, I think you might leave it there. Nicole, do you have an option? Yes. Emily?

S6: Yes, I do. This person is not particularly tall, but I think he still captures that awkward, burning, anxious energy that also kind of translates. Ah, that hides, I should say, some grown man business. OK. And that is Jesse Eisenberg.

S8: Interesting. A.K.A. Mark Zuckerberg in the fictional Black Mirror. Yes.

S13: Yes. I saw Jesse Eisenberg in this film called Adventure Land. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. 2009 with Kristen. Sture, Ryan. Ryno. Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, it’s a really good movie. I will watch it. I think I watched it almost every year until maybe like two years ago. And I was just like, okay, I gotta move on. But there is this moment at the very end where Jesse and Kristen, I say gather and he pulls out and for a kiss and he pulls her in by her hips.

S23: And his hands on her hips was very much.

S13: A confident man which belied his awkward recent college graduates persona in the film.

S11: But the way that he just kind of yanked her to him. I think that anybody else see that? What in the hell?

S13: I think that his. I like his face. He has a very chiseled jaw as well as weird because he looks almost chubby. Yeah. And there’s like a very defined Joan on like one. Yeah. It makes for an interesting face. Yes. I like his face. I like his hair. He is kind of an asshole in interviews and stuff like he I don’t wanna say he pranks interviewers you know, because he is not doing anything like pranking but he plays roles.

S6: Yeah. I trolls interviewers a lot I think and sometimes I can come across as him being an asshole and he may very well be.

S7: I don’t know who knows but. Well the point of this is not so kind of deal necessarily into the psyche of any of. Yeah. Well yeah. We’re looking at packaging here. Yeah. Impressions.

S17: But he also again has that lanky nervous energy.

S6: He often plays awkward and I think he was kind of typecast as awkward for a while and I think he’s been trying to get away from that a little bit. But Jesse Eisenberg I think would be a good, you know, a good next step after Greg Sprinkles.

S8: Emily, I hope that was useful to you. And we thank you for taking the time to leave a message. If you would like to leave a message for first Somali, a very important service. Please feel free to ring us and leave a very brief. We mean less than a minute, maybe even shorter than 30 seconds. If you can add the number to ring is 5 1 0 9 8 4 4 7 7 8. That’s 5 1 0 9 first.

S12: So we’ve just finished doing a look back of 2019 inversed, and we are looking forward to a new year of first in 2020. And speaking of, we are going to begin the year with a bang. That’s right. We are going to Sundance. We are thrilled to announce that we’ll be at the Sundance Film Festival for a very special life show presented by Dropbox. You can join us at the Filmmaker Lodge on Main Street in Park City, Utah, at 4:30 p.m. on Saturday, January 25th, 2020. It’s going to be a free show, open to all. Sundance pass holders, but also the general public space is limited. So please go to Slate dot com slash live to register for a seat. That’s slate, dot com slash, live to register. Make sure you pack your thermal underwear and we will see you there.

S26: Thursday, here is a Slate production produced by Cher Vincent and as Nicole Perkins and them at On Me, the senior managing producer of Slate podcasts is June Thomas and the editorial director is Gabriel Roth. Our music is by Tanya Morgan.

S12: But never fear we will be back in January after a very brief hibernation in which, you know, we’ll grow all winter cob cushion and we’ll prepare more quality content for you. Our glorious dust buckets, you can expect more US object analysis, wonderful guests. And if all of our carefully planted seeds comes to fruit, maybe even a celeb guest or two.

S26: In the meantime, we’ll still be lightly on the internet. You can follow the show on Twitter at first aid kit. And we’re at Tennessee Whiskey Woman That’s tea and whiskey with an E! Woman And Bindu B I am a d.w. Use the hashtag tac pod TDK p.o.d.. Whenever you’re listening and answering your questions over on Tumblr at Thursday kid. podcast. Dot Tumblr dot com.

S12: If you’ve got a thirst that you want to refresh. You can use AUTHERS Somali a service. So please call and leave a brief message about what you’re looking for. That’s 5 1 0 9 8 4 4 7 7 8 5 1 0 9 first. For those not in the U.S., you can leave us a short voice note via email. We’re at first aid kids at Slate dot com.

S26: As always, you can still head over to Apple podcasts and leave us a review and rating, if you like. We will take five stars, please. Thank you very much. We’ll be off your podcast. Feed with Thirst is never ending. Wear a scarf and stay thirsty out there and we’ll see you in the New Year.

S11: And as much as we hate when people describe black people as food, he hates does hate it. He is chocolate. He is just smooth, rich milk chocolate. Just I want to bite him like a little chocolate Easter bunny. I just want to, like, buy a part of his ear off. That is truly disgusting. 100 percent.