Maximum UST

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S1: Over Ichabod Eyes.

S2: Is that comfortable? I ask.

S3: It’s a little tight. He replies, but I don’t mind if this gives us a new game to play.

S2: I run my fingers through his hair. Are you ready? I say, close to his ear. Yes. Teach me. Luckily, I’m a fast learner.

S4: You know what’s horrible is exactly how he would say it.

S5: I have watched this show too many times.

S6: Hi, Nicole. Hi, Ben. How are you? I am surviving. How are you?

S7: I feel like I feel like that great reaction meme from Broad City where somebody asks Ilana how she is and she says, how am I?

S4: And she puts quotes around. And yes, that’s how I feel. Whenever I ask people, I can just see them looking at the phone like once, how am I?

S7: We’re all in a new reality is is how I am. And I’m coping.

S5: Yeah. New reality is it? You know, for me, it’s not it’s not too new because I am I’m an introvert, a person with depression. So I’m used to being in my house sometimes for two to three weeks at a time. And it’s it’s OK. I can amuse myself. I’m also a middle child. So I’m used to like not having enough attention or what I think is enough attention.

S8: So I’m kind of okay with that.

S3: But I have already been inside my apartment. I I started self isolating before everybody else in America did because I was sick already before, like the epidemic epidemic started here.

S9: So I’ve done my two weeks. It’s going into my third week now. And I am you know, I’m ready to go outside. Actually, I would like to sit at a restaurant and with my friends and be silly together. So I’m ready to move on. But I you know, I’m I I’m I’m gonna do what’s the best thing for myself before the people around me. I’m I’m a stay at home. But I sure do miss restaurant life right now.

S7: I fully I fully understand. And I think. Yeah, like people who work from home. People who have depression, all that stuff. I’m like for sure. But there is something different about the choice being taken away. Right. Like, you know, you could technically you go for a walk. You could do this, that and the other. You could meet friends and all that stuff.

S10: And I was going to like not, you know, working from home is not just the only thing that you can do. It is literally the only thing you could do.

S11: So it’s like there’s something about taking away the choice.

S7: So, yes, listen, we understand that it has been a very difficult period for a number of authors buckets. And we know this because you guys are all over Twitter detailing how thankfully we are able with our massive back catalogue to help you through some of the worst of the isolation. So we’re very happy to be of service in this period of time.

S5: Yeah. I love the people who are just finding us because, you know, so many of you have been recommending us and we really appreciate that. And so we’re also getting all these people who are like, oh, my God, I just discovered you. I can’t believe you did this episode and this person and this person on this person and all this kind of stuff. So I love seeing the new people come on board and find the find us. I really appreciate that. So thank you to all of our thirst buckets out there who are recommending us and sharing the wealth. We really appreciate you.

S7: We really do. And we have done a fine line, I think, in trying to amuse ourselves, because here’s the thing. We talk often about how the first well should never run dry, but it’s kind of difficult if you’re not out there feeding the well, which sounds truly disgusting.

S12: And I don’t mean it to know, but clearly I understand what you mean.

S5: Right. Of it like. Right. Thirsty is, you know, this performance of an unquenchable thirst. Right. Because for most of us, we are never going to reach out to these celebrities and we’re never gonna have that fantasy come to life. But when you’re horny, it’s usually like, oh, there’s somebody you can actually like, you know, rub on out there. Maybe there’s a possibility, even if it’s not somebody you love or even if it’s like against your better judgment, there’s somebody there’s some little fuck boy, which is a gender neutral term that you can it truly, truly is. There’s somebody usually that many of us can go to, even if it’s just like a quick text exchange to get that attention and then you can move on. Right. But right now, it’s hard to be thirsty and think about what you can not have when we’re already in this position of what we cannot have, you know.

S7: Right. Right. I think that’s so spot on, which is why I think a lot of people have taken to nostalgic rewatches. Yes. I’ve seen a lot of people down my Twitter timeline. And they are just, you know, rewatching a classic series or they are rewatching films from childhood, all some of them are watching for the first time films that they’ve have only seen gifts of or films that someone told them to watch five years ago. I guess I’ll get to it now with nothing but time on their hands. They’re like, all right, I guess. And there’s been a lot of that. And I’ve actually been really pleased to see people like oftentimes shows that I love people. I can see them tweeting, oh, my God, I just so blah, blah, blah. And in my head, I’m just like, told you, I don’t make bad recommendations, cause that’s all I do is good recommendations. So it’s always like thrilling on a personal level to watch that. And of course, I took my own advice and I began rewatching a TV show from a couple years ago. It ended a few years ago. I’m talking about Bones.

S1: Yes. One of my favorite shows, Nicole.

S7: You know, people often ask us whenever they’re interviewing us about the show, how did you two meet or how did you guys get to get the idea together? Bones, I think is one of the fundamental texts of our relationship because I think we were talking about it at some point online. Because, you know, part of the reason is that we understood that we had similar first profiles. Yes.

S13: In some regards, we sound like fuckin serial killers. Yes. Their profiles matched. But but but the truth is, our profiles did match.

S7: And so we were talking about the ice coldness of Brennan and the superhot bloodedness of Booth and how that really worked together and how especially in the early seasons, the writing was so well done that it kind of showcased how different these two were. So anyway, I’ve gone back to Burns and I am getting my life. But the thing that we are talking about when it comes to bones is the elephant in the room. The mammoths in the clearing there. Listen, listen, I am talking, of course, about the unresolved sexual tension between Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan, which went on for literal seasons before it all became something else. But we’re not just talking about bones, are we, Nicole?

S3: Now, we are going to talk about the definitive text for us.

S5: T we’re going to talk about the TV show Moonlighting, what we’ve talked about a little bit before. But we’re going to do, you know, an actual deep dive, get the attention that it deserves in this episode.

S11: I appreciate I appreciate you, Nicole. I know that we have spoken about moonlighting before, as you said, and I am excited to get into it in a big way.

S5: Yes, I know this is one of your favorite, favorite TV shows of all time. And then we’re gonna move into The Good Wife, which is one of my favorite TV shows. It’s so good. So good. And then we’re gonna talk about Sleepy Hollow. Yes.

S14: And we’re gonna get into all of that, the good and the bad and the truly ugly of. So he’d be so ugly.

S11: And we all know that God doesn’t like us. So imagine how angry God is with Fox right now. Okay. I’m excited to get into all of these things. And we hope you are, too. So let’s get into it. Nicole, let’s go.

S15: Bam!

S9: Why don’t you tell us about moonlighting, since you are our resident expert and you can tell us why it is the definitive text when it comes to us t.

S16: All right. So, Nicole, picture the scene. It’s the late 80s. I’m living in Lagos, Nigeria, with my family. And then one evening. I hear the smooth tones of Mr. al-Dura.

S12: I stop in my tracks. I turn around. I say, what the hell is that?

S11: What is this music of the gods? The song Love.

S4: Listen, I’ll really put his foot into that beat, dude. And I was I was hooked.

S7: I was hooked directly from the theme tune. And then I started watching that and being completely pulled in by the Moonlighting is a TV show that starred Cybill Shepherd and Bruce Willis.

S17: Back when Bruce Willis had her back, when Cybill Shepherd was one of the biggest stars in the world. And it’s about this detective agency called the Blue Moon Detective Agency. And they are two partners. Sybil plays Maddie Hayes and Bruce plays David Addison, a.k.a. Bay.

S18: And it’s basically about how Maddie has fallen a little bit on hard times. She used to be a model which fair enough, in the 80s, that was really what white women look like. And she goes bankrupt because her accountant embezzles a whole bunch. So again, a TV show that was telling you of the shit to come in the financial markets. I just want to say what a legend, what an icon the show is.

S19: Anyway, she takes over this failing business, this detective agency.

S17: And then she meets David. And he is the one who is essentially heading that up. And they clash because they are so different in every way. And of course, in the clash comes the tension.

S3: Right. This is very much like an opposites attract kind of thing. Right.

S11: Nailed it. Listen, Nicole, I’m telling you stuff you already know because you also are fond of moonlighting.

S5: Yes. Yes. I love this show. But I was young. Like you said, it was just you heard the music. You immediately turned to see what was going on on the screen. Then you have these two white people who were just like, clearly, they needed to fuck. Like they just they didn’t like to get together and they would not get together.

S20: Like to the point where even as a kid, again, I can’t stress enough. This was the late 80s, early 90s, I was watching this. So I was clearly a child and I didn’t really have a concept of what USD was. But I am watching. I kind of go, hey, something about these two? And it’s only when you look back on you’re like, oh my God, they wanted to do it so bad.

S5: Right. It was very much like this playground situation that, you know, people always like, you know, you tell your mom or whoever sent this boy, push me down. And then they say, oh, well, that’s because he likes you. Which is really fucked up. But, you know. But moonlighting very much had that were they were constantly bickering. It was very early Hollywood.

S3: It was very golden age of Hollywood. Right. And you go back and look at it, you can see the influence of those old Katharine Hepburn movies and things like that where people were just in order to flirt.

S5: They would be mean to each other and very sharp. And, you know, kind of witty. But it was still like dark, clearly like each other. So why don’t you just kiss?

S11: This is it. And what I really like about it. You’ve nailed that thing about the wittiness of it. And there was so much shop like really smart writing. And it was so clear to me, even as a kid, that David was clearly an idealized version of like the 1940s guy, like the modern update of these kind of tough talking, like hard-boiled detectives, people who would take risks but would never you know, they respected women and they were they had hearts of gold. And, you know, there was it was kind of an update of those kind of like gumshoe kind of detectives. And the thing I really loved about it is that the show never it never felt to me like the writing on the show was talking down to anybody. It didn’t. It basically said, listen, if you don’t what we’re doing here, step up your game. Come join us on our level. Yeah. And as a kid, I remember feeling so accomplished whenever I would get a joke or an obscure reference like, oh, my God, I’m so smart. I got it. And he’s part of the reason why I really, really like bald dudes.

S5: Because. Yes.

S11: Yes. At an early age, I realized that, you know, war that should a sexy shout out to Bruce. And so until the day I die, if I see a ball, do I have to like at least give him a second look like, hey, what’s going on? Because the first one is this is the power guys of birth. It changes your whole best palate. But the thing that I really like was that despite like the idea of whatever rules that they had, like drawn around their relationship, they still flirted so heavily.

S3: Yes. And I remember like being in the grocery store and seeing the tabloids that tried to say that Bruce Willis and Sybil Shepard were actually having an affair in real life, things like that, because the tension was so good between them.

S20: It was just unlike anything I’d ever seen or even really seen since.

S21: Like it’s it’s one of those rare. It felt like once in a generation, kind of like, oh, my God, I’m seeing something truly impressive kind of unfold. And what I really loved also.

S11: Is that because the writers. I think, you know, a lot of the writing you do, you hope you have actors who give it life, right? You hope that they say the thing that you hope to showcase in the writing. And I think they really lucked out with Sybil and Bruce. And of course, let’s not forget, Sybil was the biggest star at this point. I always find that really fascinating.

S5: Yeah. And that, you know, moonlighting was, as you mentioned a little bit earlier, moonlighting was about this kind of modern take on on those old Hollywood sensibilities.

S3: But there were still these elements of old Hollywood where you have the two people arguing and then, you know, she would slap him and then they start kissing and then whatever, whatever.

S14: And so there’s a part of that in writing.

S11: Yes. Yes. In a big way. But again, these ideas kind of lingered anyway.

S18: I really like the fact that, you know, Maddie was supposed to be this woman of the world. She traveled everywhere. She’d done everything. She was so chic. And he was kind of like more rough and tumble. And he was kind of like, you know, he learned on the street. He was a university of hard knocks and life and all that jazz. One of the great things that I really, really enjoyed about the show is that once it recognized that these two had such undeniable chemistry, it basically allowed the format of the show to really throw them together a lot more than I think many other genres would allow.

S11: So they were often undercover or they were on car chases or they were, you know, like enough enough situations that kind of threw them together so that you could actually see that stuff in motion. And I did love the undercover episodes the most, I think, because it always felt like, oh, they played dress up and maybe something will slip. Right. Like the whole idea of it was like, oh, maybe the mask will fall aside just a little bit and they can see beneath it and then they’ll realize that these feelings are real and true and all that jazz. But of course, it never slept until Season 3.

S5: Yes. Let’s get into it. OK.

S4: Ready?

S17: OK, so season three for me is the pinnacle. It’s the thing that’s like Nicole said before, it’s this is the thing that started a very specific kind of relationship on TV throughout the series. They had been this powerful will they won’t they element to Maddie and David’s relationship. Right. And then finally and I can’t stress enough how much I am stretching out the word finally it became something so that everyone remembers the scene. And because, first of all, everything about it is wildly over the top. So Maddie arrives home. She does like this impassioned, quiet monologue to who she assumes is her boyfriend, who has recently asked her to marry him. So he you know, there’s a figure in the bed. She stands in the doorway, kind of backlit. She delivers this whole thing about, you know, I’m so you know. Thank you so much. The best question ever anyone’s ever asked me. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it. But maybe, you know, I don’t think I’m ready this time. The other she’s kind of basically letting him down, you know, easy. And all the while, the body in the bed, you know, she’s kind of like, stop, don’t, don’t, don’t move. No, don’t say anything. She carries on with her whole spiel. She delivers this amazing, amazing speech. And then she gets this huge kind of strips off as she gets into bed. And she realizes when she gets in there that it’s it’s David.

S11: She kind of like. And then she kind of is like what’s you know, it kind of rolls over a strategic sheet placing right above the boobs. Right. Because it was the 80s and this was this wasn’t premium cable. There were no dates. And she kind of is holding it to her chest. And they have this discussion where he’s kind of like, you know, the thing that you’re saying and this doumbia that there’s like a little back and forth. He kind of smirks his way through it.

S17: He gives her the note that her ex, Bo, left for her and all the stuff he intimates that he’s read it. He’s being super dickish in that really hot way that only help people can get away with let’s be very fucking real. And then we have this amazing series of scenes.

S22: What about just now? What about just now? I thought that was how my dad knows you. You said some things and you didn’t. Nothing during the whole thing. David, you haven’t said a word to say. What do you mean? You don’t have to say anything? Stop smiling. Why are you smiling? How can you be so smug, smug?

S23: I’m being honest. I have to say that, you know, and I know it. You feel it. And I feel it.

S24: Stay away from me. Here I go. But I don’t want you. I never wanted you. All right. I heard the speech about the goodbye.. group, but that was for him, not for you.

S25: Wake up. I’m not leaving him for you. I’m leaving him for me. Me, me, me, me, me, me.

S23: Is that clear? Let’s try and see. Flat. Get back. Put that down. No. Put it down. No. I got to force myself when you want to force myself, when you tell you the truth.

S24: You’re not worth it. What you heard me. Me now were not worth it. Not worth it. No woman is worth this. All right.

S23: Never mind, just forget about. This was never meant to be.

S5: OK, Wolf. All right. So that was first. He’s such an asshole. Yes. He’s you know, she’s like, I’m leaving my fiancee or boyfriend or whatever for me.

S3: Me, me, me. He’s like, try to see flat.

S4: I mean, it’s ridiculous. But also, it’s so hot. I’m so sorry. I hate myself. I just I’m so drawn to him when he says that. It’s just like what goes. He says it while he’s advancing. And you’re like, what are you going to do?

S26: David, I’m so sorry. So basic. I’m so sorry. No, but that’s the thing.

S5: Like these things like that are there because they you know, they’re for that primal part of us.

S1: You know, that very vague, primitive thing that’s just kind of you know, we want someone who is confidence and, you know, firm in his desire for you.

S4: Bitch, you’re using all the words. Yes. I’m so sorry. Wow. This is special. This is. And it really does something to me, huh?

S1: It’s a been you know, she’s like I guess she’s, you know, trying to make sure that he’s not going to do anything bad. He’s like, I’m not going to force you, you know? He’s like a little offended and hurt by the idea that she would even think that, you know, so cause he lashes out, you know, wounded animal lashes out. And that’s nice. Right. You’re not worth it. So then, of course, and you could tell like this was written by a man or like this, like stronger, you know. Yes. Because she’s like, what do you mean I’m not worth it? Like, I’m not worth being raped. Why?

S13: It’s so problematic. It is. But it is offensive. It was offensive then. It is offensive now. It’ll be offensive forevermore.

S5: It was just I mean, but this whole thing leading up to like that, you know, it’s like it’s so good. But then they keep going. They have this like, you know, more tension between them and then we finally get to be moment.

S27: Would you believe it? What do you believe in a good party? Well, I don’t believe. I don’t believe in wasting any more time. I’m sick of this. Two years of issue is our issue.

S28: Two years of BS being index tucking in a man. I think the culture is dark beer. This is ridiculous. I’m miserable. Yeah, well, I may have just said the best thing that ever happened to me. Get away and look at me. Here I am spending the evening having another pointless argument with you.

S23: Fine, fine. Good. Good pitch, bastard.

S29: Get out.

S11: Every time the music comes in, I’m just like, oh, my God. It is almost cringeworthy, except it fucking works.

S30: Yes, that’s what makes it so bad because it, you know, cheesy, but it’s working.

S20: You know what? Sometimes you just want to gorge. Unlike a wheel of cheese. And that scene gives you like I hope you’ve taken your Lactaid pills because you’re going to need them. And yet I put my whole face in the cheese on getting ready to eat like it is so cheesy. And yet I love it. So I love first of. It’s a couple of things.

S11: And it here’s a phrase that I use all the time is you is or is you ain’t. It’s such a solid phrase. Yeah. And he delivers it so well. Two years of his youth is always your way. And I’m just like, oh my God, is you. Yes. So that’s a stellar line. I love the way the slap two slaps to slap that she slapped him hardest.

S4: Shit. Look, look, I’m sorry.

S5: Like it was like that was not a you know, like a little fake little packs kind of smack. It wasn’t a smack. Like you heard the bass in it from like the hollow of her hand against the hollow of headache.

S4: She hit it hard two times. Yes. I was like, man, did you bring some tension to set this day because wow.

S11: Like she Full-On hits him and his face kind of turns away, but he looks back at her. Yeah. As if he’s daring us to do it again now, cause violence is abhorrent and terrible. All of that stuff. This is all contextual. So let’s be very clear on that. But there’s something about the way when she goes her third hit, he just kind of like, you know what, I don’t need to take this shit. And he just holds her hand. And again, it’s interesting because even though she’s hit him with a full force of her arm, when he takes her hand, it’s notably gentle. Yes.

S17: And he just kind of wraps his hand around her wrist and hold her hand in midair for a little moment. And then, of course, they begin to move into one another.

S5: Yes. And she still has her bed sheet wrapped around her. So she’s arguing with him, basically make it under the sheet this whole time.

S12: Listen. Okay. The classics are classic for a reason for.

S5: One of the things that came from, you know, this fear of the moonlighting cars is that, you know, these TV shows that stretched out the will, they won’t they for seven, ten, eleven seasons, it was ridiculous.

S9: So you have, you know, my beloved Frasier where it’s like eight, seven, eight seasons before Niles and Daphne and got together. Then you have a show like Castle that was on ABC more recently where, you know, they stretched all of that out. But there’s also good examples where people were like, no, it’s OK. If the if this is you or is, you ain’t. To quote David, a couple gets together and things, you know, aren’t so bad necessarily. And I you know, I want to talk about one example of that. It’s you know, it’s got a little asterisk to it. But The Good Wife. Oh, okay.

S11: All right. Let me settle in now. Go on.

S5: Go off for good wife with such good television. OK. So it starred Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick, the wife of Peter Florrick, who was this state attorney who was disgraced. Right. And this was at the time when we had all these politicians, all these male politicians who, you know, we’re getting caught cheating or committing fraud. And so they’d be at these podiums and their wives would be standing next to them, looking very meek and, you know, supportive and all this kind of stuff. And so the Kings were husband and wife team created the Good Wife in response to that, to focus on the wife. Like, what is the wife thinking when she’s sitting there, where she’s standing there next to this man who has embarrassed her, who has put the family through, you know, this embarrassing situation. So Alicia Florrick is the good wife in this. You know, in this situation, she was a stay at home mom. She has two teenage children.

S9: And once her husband goes to jail, she has to earn, you know, some income. She also figure out a way to make sure that they can survive. So she calls up her old law school buddy, Will Gardner. That’s played by Josh Charles, who has his own law firm. And he, because he has a crush on her from those law school days, brings her on board. She has never tried a case. She is she has not done anything as she left law school and immediately got married and started having children. But this is his law firm. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. And he brings her on board and everybody and they mama sees that will still has a thing for Alicia. Like, it’s just there are all these different moments between them. And, you know, Peter’s in jail. Her husband’s in jail. Why does she not want to? What’s wrong with her getting a little little peaceful action on the side?

S4: But you like he’s fine.

S9: But the thing is, Alicia, as the title of this show suggests, is good. She is more morally sound than Will is. She is very much she tries to be as ethical and as small as possible.

S31: So in order to tempt her, it has to be serious. Right. It has to be someone that she knows, you know, has feelings for her and is not going to take advantage of her situation. So, I mean, we’ve got like seasons. You know, this show lasted seven seasons. And so for the first part of the series, we have all this tension between Alicia and Will.

S21: Like this is not some little office crush. It’s not some kind of like convenience. You know, she’s there. I guess this is like he’s been carrying this torch for her for so, so long. And the thing I love about it is that Alicia, I think we were told, oh, it’s intimated that she was kind of top of her class, like she wasn’t some slouch. She wasn’t some girl who was only going to college to like up her bride price. You know what I mean? Like, she went there to be a lawyer and happened to fall in love with Mrs. Mommy. Okay. Peter Florrick. But she was like a big brain. And I just love the fact that Will was like, yeah, that’s the goal for me. That’s the woman I want. The one who’s at the top of the class, the one who is going places, the one who is, you know, literally our valedictorian, the person who is like B person. And then marriage kind of steals her away. So shout out to the metaphore inherent in there, just kind of like how men will ruin your life. But also what I love about her is that she just he picks up exactly where he was. However, many years ago when they were at law school. He’s kind of like, yeah, Alicia, the brain, the smart, the in the crazily intelligent, the incredibly impressive Alicia. Of course, I still love her. Of course I still want her.

S32: Yes, that’s exactly it. And so we talked about moonlighting, how they you know, by the end of season three, they moved on and, you know, they kind of consummated all of that tension. And The Good Wife. We’ve got the tension throughout season one, season two.

S5: And then at the season finale of season two, we have this moment that gives us gives us shippers everything that we needed.

S33: You know? And Tammy.

S34: Tammy has Tammy. I think she’s in London.

S35: She called me yesterday after the closing arguments. Her bags are packed. I was forced to rush over to see her and convince her to stay.

S36: I got the call about the glove.

S35: We’ve always had bad timing, haven’t we? We have. What if we were to suddenly have good timing just for an hour? Who doesn’t play?

S37: I think. Well, look like an exceptional moment.

S38: Hi. Hi. I’m sorry, sir, we’re completely booked. There is nothing. Well, the presidential suite but that seventy eight hundred nine. And the name of your personal butler is Jerome. Thanks. Have a good day, bitch.

S13: Oh, my God. Seventy eight hundred a night. Sure thing. Why not put it on the card? Are you mad, Rob?

S9: What’s my guy? For one hour.

S20: I remember watching that scene and thinking to myself.

S39: Seventy eight hundred cheap at the price for cheap at the price. Oh, my God.

S20: That scene is so hot. That scene, it is so like he’s looking and, you know, the receptionist is all pleasant face.

S19: Like, I’m so sorry, sir. There is nothing like. And he’s just big in terms of like, you are not gonna block this tonight. Like, I don’t care what the universe is, say, and I’m getting it like we’re all we’re doing this like it’s been. Let’s not forget, as you pointed out, this is the season finale of season two. We are talking forty six episodes later.

S40: We deserved that smash. We deserve day.

S3: Now, we have talked about two different shows where the will they won’t they couple get together and it’s amazing and it’s magical and it’s fantastic.

S5: But there is one example of a will they won’t they couple done wrong, shall we say so wrong, so wrong that it’s still upsetting me and my homegirls is just I can’t believe it. And that show is Sleepy Hollow.

S16: Oh, my God. Where to begin?

S3: Tom Myson stars as Ichabod Crane, who we find out was this double agent in the Revolutionary War.

S5: But he has been put on ice for all this time for like over 150 years, 200 years, whatever it is at this point. And, you know, is brought back to life in 2013 when the show airs. And so he gets connected with this police officer named Abby Mills as played by Nicole Beharie. And immediately as the two are put together, you know, she’s questioning him like, who are you? Where you from? Why are you you know what? Why are you dressed like that? The tension, the chemistry between them is electric. I mean, I have never seen chemistry so palatable, like it was just off the charts between them. And I you know, part of it is Nicole Beharie. I feel like she can have chemistry with a rock. You know, like she is. Yes. Yes. You know, but Tom AYSON also was given as good as he got. Like, it was just it was great.

S3: So the show was, you know, all these supernatural monsters of the week that came up as they tried to figure out how to stop the apocalypse, this biblical apocalypse that was coming or whatever.

S5: And throughout the seasons, there were these moments where the two of them were clearly, you know, they realize that they were destined to be together, that this whole thing had been written out before them, that they were, you know, living this prophecy and. Right. It could have been so good if they had just let them kiss. If the showrunner is a show, creators had let them kiss, but they did not. And it left everybody so frustrated with the show.

S7: Who now? I have a lot of opinions about this shit. Too many opinions. You might could say, but I feel like I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will never not be angry about this. Like I just. Every time I think about what was squandered, what was thrown away, what was possible, and the showrunners looked at all of that and said, no, not for us.

S9: I mean, they even have motherfuckin John Cho on the show as just full name, by the way, motherfuckin John show. He played a police officer who was so enamored with Abbie Mills that he sold his soul to the devil to protect her.

S8: Like how, Bob, is that? I know you just kind of let him, like, disappear. They didn’t even, like, treat him right, so ran the whole show. Very frustrating anyway.

S9: So Ichabod also he was like married in his former life. And to this woman named Katrina, who we find out is a witch and she would pop up. Yeah.

S14: She seen her on road is on site on sites every like the live tweeting of almost every episode. People be like kill Katrina and let Abby and Ichabod get together because ACBAR would not have. Yeah. Like once he realized that Katrina was still alive. Obviously, we’re talking about some. We’re giving all major spoilers here. But once he saw that Katrina was also still alive, he refused to, like, you know, dishonor his marriage. He was a very honorable person and he did not want to do anything that could, you know, dishonor that.

S5: And it was just it was very frustrating. And he rarely he never, ever recalled her by her name, except for this one moments where he’s tried to figure out, you know, they’ve met this monster who is tied to Ichabod. And ACBAR realizes that the only way to get rid of this particular monster is to sacrifice himself. And Abby is like, no, not on my watch.

S41: I didn’t free him to continue his rampage. This shows that he wanted.

S42: I do not accept that Cramer must.

S41: If you accept what we’ve been chosen to do.

S42: To avert the apocalypse or humanity can endure so people can choose their own destinies. Just as I must now choose mine.

S43: There’s another way. There’s always another way I’ll be.

S44: This is the only way.

S45: It’s the first time you ever called me Abby.

S46: I’ve lived on borrowed time.

S47: More than any man deserves. I’ve seen wonders beyond my wildest imaginings. Through these centuries. Against the possibility that we would find each other.

S46: And I am grateful for it.

S5: OK. That is the first time that he calls her Abby. And when I tell you the whole like Gabby shippers, everybody went insane at that moment. You know, everybody was like live tweeting it. And, you know, he said, Abby, oh, it was so it was so good. It was so rich.

S11: Yes. And they reminded me just hearing that reminded me of a tweet. I can’t remember when it was posted or by whom.

S17: And I apologize, but it was somebody basically detailing the exact feeling of that scene. And it was something like, you know, when character A calls carry to be by their first name and it’s a time of great stress or adversity or like really intimate. And they do that in place of where they would normally use their last name or their title or their rank. And then there was a reaction gif of somebody just weeping uncontrollably. And that is very much how I felt with that soft Abby that he uttered like, oh, my God, this things are getting real. This is real.

S7: Like, this is the point. This is the point at which. Things that get in like this is this is where the rubber meets the road, right? Like someone is going to die, like I’m going the road of self-sacrifice and it means that much. So why not call you Abby? Why not call you by your first name, which I probably have longed to do for a very long time?

S5: Yes. Kills me, kills me. It kills me. And then you know it.

S32: And, you know, they go on and they have these moments where an old flame of Abbies pops up and Ichabod is very jealous, you know, and he keeps insulting the guy in there. You know, she hasn’t she had a lot of kind of old flames that pop that shed a lot of like people with crushes on her. You know, we never saw her in a relationship necessarily. But obviously we saw Ichabod and several relationships. And it was very frustrating not to see the two of them be able to have this, you know, moment together. At some point they do karaoke together with their singing together.

S30: And it’s like SLUTZ, well, why can’t you do now?

S4: Kiss. You want to switch their faces together like your dolls? Like, come on, kiss.

S11: So I remember seeing a lot of people on Tumblr saying things like honor. Every relationship between a straight man and straight woman has to involve kissing. I’m also like, no, you’re right. Not everyone. But this one does like it’s quite clear to me that this one should involve kissing. It’s quite clear to everybody.

S32: Absolutely. Everybody saw that they should have more than a friendship happening.

S7: Right. Right. And there is so much value in the friendship and the bond that ties them together. And none of that would have been underplayed by the fact that they also kissed. I just don’t understand the logic behind it. It was clear as the nose on my face and it wasn’t as clear to us like, you know, thirsty shippers at home, like even the show runners, I think, were aware of it, but perhaps had written themselves into a corner in some weird way that they couldn’t get out of. But it was acknowledged because there was a crossover episode between Sleepy Hollow, which at the time was broadcast on Fox and Bones, which also was a Fox product.

S18: And there was a murder that brought Abby and Ichabod to D.C. to discuss a case with Bones and Booth. And there is a fantastic scene that kind of just really felt like a massive, massive troll. Impressive.

S48: We are a partnership of opposites. Our affinity for one another is to write this up.

S49: I was unaware that you and your colleague were sexual partners. Then I would suggest you consider it. I found taking my professional life with Booth into the personal realm has been quite rewarding.

S32: That would only go gasp at the end when bones. is like. It’s quite rewarding.

S13: I love that she was recalling some times she hit upon them. She was like, Guys, you could have what we have like. I am constantly fulfilled, no pun intended. Like I’m doing my job and I’m going home and I’m doing my other job is great.

S26: And it just like it just really showcased yet again.

S19: He looks so affronted. And I just thought, no, take that look off your face. You all deserve this. Like, come on in there. You know, it makes sense, Ichabod. You’re a logical person. Make it work.

S7: So I told you, I’ve been rewatching Bones during this and forced social distancing and festival. I forget often that the first exposure that I had to David Boreanaz was on Buffy when he played Angel. And I was kind of half in love with him, half annoyed by him because he was like this intense, moody vampire. Now, maybe like Spike, just get it in five. Like you don’t have to be carrying. I’ve got no soul. Blah, blah, blah. Angela was like, oh, my God. So I wasn’t already. I was like, fuck this.

S10: But so at the beginning of the series, you know, it’s very clear that they’re supposed to be chalk and cheese.

S11: They are supposed to be like complete opposites and they kind of clash often. And it’s really a case of like trying to teach one another how the other works so that they can have a smoother relationship. But that’s difficult, right? I think part of the early seasons is them understanding each other space. You know, that bit in Dirty Dancing, where he’s kind of like Giannis kind of like This is my dance space. That is your dance space? Yes. It’s kind of that writ large over the course of several episodes.

S7: But at the same time they are so well aware of the bubbling cauldron of tension between them and so is everybody else that they work with. Everyone’s kind of like, oh my God, just do it already. Like, come on, you know what I mean?

S26: So fundamentally different.

S7: Like she doesn’t believe in like God or organized religion. She is. She’s like Spock. She’s like logic personified. Yeah. It’s like this emotional Catholic who believes in God and church and is like weirdly obsessed with the fucking FBI. And all of that is at the core of it. The nucleus of the whole thing is this burning, burning tension where you’re looking at the two of them and you’re like, man, if it wasn’t for the fact that there were all these bones in on the table between you, you would be doing it on that very table. Like it’s so clear. I loved I loved also just how open it was. Like what I’m gonna try and hide this because we’re gonna do our jobs are going to do it well. We’re gonna catch murderers. Yes. But like we also are gonna acknowledge the fact that we clearly want to rip each other’s clothes off. And that’s okay because we’re all professional adults.

S1: Yes. And I love the fact that even though Bones was this very logical, non-emotional person, that the show still acknowledged that she was a passionate person, a sexual person. So she would have, you know, these relationships with people and just. And she was very confident in her sexuality. She was like, oh, yeah, I’m a good lover.

S5: And she just stated it like fact because that’s how she sighed, you know? And, you know, he was very old fashioned about some things. So he didn’t like to talk about sex openly and stuff like that, even though he was also clearly a very passionate person and a person who liked having relations he didn’t believe.

S4: All right. Taken as a couple.

S5: You know, he didn’t think that it was something that needed to be talked about in the open where as Brennan was just like not everybody has sex. So everybody has some sort of relationship with sex. And so we need to talk about it, because she was this anthropologist. Right. So she was just very much aware of how sex and relationships play out in different cultures. And she’s just like, there’s no shame involved in this. So it’s really interesting to see, you know, this kind of oil and water mix and then you find out it’s actually like oil and vinegar, which makes a perfect dressing so rich.

S13: Wow. Wow. What an analogy. Oh, God. They are addressing. They are exactly addressing.

S11: I want to draw your attention to a scene in the second season. So this is like at the beginning of the second season and they’ve solved the case and they are having like, you know, a little meal celebrate there. You know, they solved the case and they’re enjoying each other’s company posts, case solving.

S21: And the scene is just again, like you said, he’s a little bit more coy. But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel things. And she’s, of course, direct, but it doesn’t mean that she also doesn’t want to be wooed a little all.

S50: You know, Bones. I like to think that place deep inside, people really know what’s important to believe when you see women trying to disguise or change themselves.

S38: Never understood that.

S50: Well, no, of course you wouldn’t. Why? Let’s just you know, someone who looks like you wouldn’t. Because of the way you look at us and what way do I look?

S51: You know, you restructured.

S5: You listen. They say you’re structured very well, she said. As are you.

S4: I always love that about bread and shows like Let’s Be Very.

S7: And every time somebody would compliment. Like Booth on his butt or his arms or his whatever she was like. Yeah. No.

S4: Yeah. I always loved that. She was so proud that he was her man. Like, yeah, I know, I Baghdad. And he’s lucky to have me too. I love that. I love you so much.

S9: I love it. She would always you know, when she would talk about Booth and again, she was very like clinical. Oh, well, of course, he’s got these, you know. And then she would live, you know, say some jargon or something about his mandibles. I don’t know. Whatever it was.

S14: It was just I just loved how, matter of fact, that she was with everything. Like, of course, he looks good. He’s got this going on. You know, he would make a good father, you know, that kind of stuff.

S4: Yes. And she said it like you said, so clinically that you’re like, wait, what are you thirsting right now? And she said, so. Exactly like that.

S11: Well, you know, the shape of his mandible suggests he would be very good at eating a redacted and also his deltoids mean blah, blah, blah.

S20: And I’m like Brennan.

S14: Yes.

S3: And, you know, Bones is the only show, the ones that we’ve talked about today that had someone that was, you know, stereotypically fit to who had like like I mentioned, like that superhero comic book superhero body. Everyone else was very much a regular D’Aguilar person, you know, physically. You know, there was no like old this person is especially beautiful or especially, you know, just no gym rats again other than Buth character or Buth himself. So it was really nice to see throughout these different shows that everybody is allowed sexual chemistry, everybody is allowed to be lustful and to have these moments of tension. And it’s very beautiful and sweet and hot and romantic. And it’s for everybody.

S11: Yep. I think that’s a excellent place to wrap up. First is where everyone USD for everyone. And the minute this lockdown is over, you go out. Then you resolve some tension out there. All right.

S52: That’s my plan. Oh, yeah.

S9: All right. Bam! We have talked about U.S. T. Unresolved sexual tension that ends up getting resolved a little bit.

S53: Yes, sometimes, but not always. Right.

S9: But now it’s time for us to move on to fanfic wars.

S17: Yep. I feel like this week I did a lot of ruminating and we said this before in our main conversation where I kind of was talking about foundational firsts and the things that really kind of helped set up a template for all my first to come. And there was only one obvious person for me to write my fic about today.

S19: But I’m very excited to hear yours. And I feel like this is going to be appealing back up some layers for both of us and for the listeners as well.

S5: Well, you. Mine is very hard to have when I say it’s my best work. It’s modest of you. You know, it is what it is. But don’t you know, don’t anybody be out there holding their breath to wow or set up the expectations there.

S53: Good work is what people you know.

S5: I don’t want people to expect too much for me exactly. Right now. Well, I guess I can go ahead and read my drabble and then because I think yours will be the shining star.

S11: That is it. You know what? You always say that. And then you decimate me, you devastate me and you kind of go anyway. That’s just something I pull out of my ass.

S12: No worries. I’m just like, you know what? Screw you, Nicole. But if you want to go first. Far be it for me to stop you. Please go ahead.

S5: Thank you. And this is this is going to be about Will Gardner.

S12: OK. I already have sweat.

S54: Will leaned back against the armrest of the couch, barefoot in jeans and a loose t shirt. He looked both comfy and ready to leave. Should the need arise. He was noodling around on his guitar, playing some bluesy notes while looking up at the ceiling. I stood against the kitchen doorway and watched him play me something. I called out, wiping my hands on a towel. He raised his head to look at me and smiled. The cobwebs in his eyes disappearing. He sat up more fully and began to play something. I didn’t recognize his voice, adding lyrics of a devil woman done him wrong. He didn’t have the strongest voice, but his love for blues was a parent. I came closer and sat on the floor, watching his fingers, watching his eyes close as he begged the woman to come home. He stopped singing and looked at me. You’re not gonna give me any reason to sing the blues, are you? He asked. Love and uncertainty. Making his eyes shine. I moved closer and put a hand on his cheek. Never, I whispered. Sign your name with a kiss. He smiled at me and I leaned in to make a deal with the devil of my heart.

S16: You have this motherfucker playing guitar?

S9: Yes.

S55: I’ll go on then.

S12: I’ve got nothing else to add. All right. Do what you must. Nicole Perkins.

S19: Do what you must her. First of all, excellent choice by going for Will Gardner. Thank you. Thank you.

S11: Because, yeah, just Charles. He has presence, you know, as well as our foremothers might say, he’s got some presence. I like you, I think. I think I know what you say.

S9: Yeah. You know, there was this one moment in the show where he. We see him at home and he’s playing a guitar. So that has stayed with me ever since I saw it. And I would like to see more of Walt Gardner at home.

S12: I start laughing and then you yourself can’t you can’t stop it. And it just bubbles out of you. That was a classic. Or you were like, what is good or naughty? CHUCKLE You like the way I got caught up in my feelings? Yes, very much so. Yeah. Not playing a guitar lover that you love.

S5: Well, downtime. I’m ready to hear your travel and to learn more about that foundational thirst for you.

S18: Thank you so much. What an introduction, Miss Perkins. Thank you. Of course, I had to write about the one and only David Addison, the man for whom there will be no equal.

S7: He really is and truly has ruined me. Did that shit too early in life for me to kind of pull out now anyway? Okay, so this is my trouble. I hope you enjoy it.

S16: I saw David smirking from across the room even as he dipped his head. I could still spot that bottom lip twisting as though to keep a full bellied laugh at bay. I found and began walking over to him, slowly, taking my time to annoy him. Sure. But also to give myself the time to adjust, to prepare being there. David made me feel tingly, like my skin was too small for my body, a little bit sweaty and breathless in the best way. Plus, he wasn’t immune. Despite his seemingly perma cool facade, I had eyes I’d seen him look. By the time I got to him, he’d composed his features into something more controlled. I suppose you think this is funny, I said to him, gesturing at my clothes. I was wearing a silk tunic and the only three inch heels I owned. By contrast, David was in his beat-up jeans, scuffed boots, and one of those snug t shirts of his more like everyone else in this bar. In other words, in the three years we’ve been working side by side, he knew how seriously I took dress code advice. And so when I got his text to dress, quote, fancy for this interview we’d be doing, I’d taken him at his word. Now I stuck out like a sore thumb. He took a deep pull from his bottled beer as he gave me a quick but somehow thorough elevator look, relax. I wouldn’t say you look funny, he said. I’d say you look like a rose among thorns. His cheeks flushed a little, as if he hadn’t meant to say all of that. We’ve been dancing around this thing between us for a while, but for a moment it seemed like we might be done dancing. And so I peered at him, saying nothing. Meeting his gaze as boldly as he had sought mine, and seeking permission for what I was about to do. And went. The silence stretched a little too long. I came in closer, no more than a half step, and angled my face so I could speak directly into his ear. When I heard his sharp intake of breath, I felt giddy with power. Well, maybe everything’s finally coming up. Or is it for you, Addison? I whispered.

S14: Yeah. Oh, OK. I am. You know, I’m nasty. So what shotgun?

S4: I never would have never would have believed that. So that idea.

S5: You know, if you let me say everything coming up, roses, I automatically think of, you know, like Carl Perkins.

S4: Why? That was not what I intended with that. Geez. I was doing some elegant wordplay, but no. Wow.

S12: Well, you know, a double entendre is elegant wordplay. You know what? You’re right. I’m sorry about that. You’re completely right. And perhaps subconsciously, I was trying something. Who can say except my therapist.

S13: I was trying to do a fade to black. I hope that was successful. Yes.

S19: I am truly applauding both of our efforts this week.

S21: As we said at the beginning of the show, it has been something of a struggle to feel thirsty in an authentic manner. But we have managed it because we have that committed to the cause.

S5: Yes, we are professionals. And, you know, just talking about it, like once you start talking it, it all comes back. So that’s what he said.

S18: Yeah. Anyway, you wonderful listeners at home can vote. You can pick your favorite drabble of those two. And I know we keep saying trebles when they are clearly longer than that, but that’s privilege as hosts of the show. We’ll put on a poll on our Twitter, which is at first aid kit and you get to vote for your favorites. And the results mean nothing because ultimately we are all here to have fun and to learn and to thirst. And it feels to me like we really accomplished that this week home.

S5: Yeah, I think so. You know, I would agree this is been it’s actually been really fun. You know, I lifted my spirits and I hope it lifted the spirits of our listeners out there.

S39: This was a really cool. I think this was a really good episode. I’m inclined to agree. So while shut up to us.

S56: First aid kit is a slate production produced by Chef Vincent and us of them, when me and Nicole perkins’ Music is by Tanya movement.

S57: You can follow the show on Twitter at first aid kit and we’re on Tumblr at Thursday kitteh podcast. Dot Tumblr, dot com.

S56: Thank you to all the first buckets on Twitter who have been cheering us up every single day, and especially since we all began social distancing and working from home. You can join them anytime and especially to life. Tweet the show every Thursday. Just use the hashtag tach for it. That’s t a.k p.o.d.. Or you could write us an email with all your feelings at first aid kit at Slate dot com.

S57: If you want to use our third Somalia service, just send us a short no longer than a minute please message. The number is 5 1 0 9 8 4 4 7 7 8. That’s 5 1 0 9. First, non-u.s Thirst Buckets can send us a short voice note via email to first aid kit at Slate dot com.

S56: You can find all of our episodes and links to listen at Slate dot com slash podcast and if you find yourself wishing you could get even more first aid kit. Well, now you can. All you have to do is become a slate plus member slate plus is Slate’s membership program for just $35 for the first year. You’ll get a little extra from the show as well as all of the Slate shows. Plus, there are absolutely no ads visit, slip, dot com slash. That’s a plus to sign up.

S57: And we’ll be back next week with new and zesty thirst content. But in the meantime, remember, drink your cranberry juice.

S9: Wash your hands and keep practicing your social distancing by one of the things that Ichabod always referred to, Abby, who was a lieutenant in our language. But he referred to her. He referred to her as lieutenant, which was his language.

S7: We always say, lieutenant. Also.

S4: So let’s not discriminate against the Brit in the river alive.

S40: She said our language.

S58: We’ll call it a yes.

S8: Okay, fine.

S6: Welcome back, Slate Plus members. Hi.

S5: I’m really excited about this slate plus addition I got to talk about. One of my favorite people who’s really helping me through the quarantine right now.

S59: Wow. What an insights into everything that’s happening. Shea, Nicole. Yes. Listeners, we are doing. And explain yourself this week. But we are doing it in-house. We are taking the adage, physician, heal thyself. We are turning it inwards. And this week, it’s Nicole’s job to explain herself to me with regards to one particular crush that I just cannot see it for.

S43: CHUCKLE tells you, I mean, listen, I just don’t know. I’ve looked and I’ve looked. You know that I’m a I’m a scholar, so I guess I don’t give up at the first hurdle and yet nothing.

S60: So, Nicole, what the hell is up with this first objects of yours?

S9: I’m going to talk today about Hozier. Now, I don’t think that I can convince you. Well, let’s see you try. I’m going to try. And I’m also just going to use this opportunity. Just talk about him because I love him.

S43: I know you do. I said you gifs of them. Because I know how much you love him and such as the power of friendship. Then I’m okay. Why don’t you have this thing? I don’t understand. But I love you and I respect you. So I know you love him.

S14: Thank you. I appreciate you indulging me, even though you don’t fully understand it yourself. So Hozier.

S5: Andrew Hozier burn and his name is pronounced Hozier like cozier. Okay. Okay. Thanks. Yes. Thanks for the heads. Yeah. Because I’m going to be saying is that often because I just you know, for our listeners out there, you know, you may not. They just want to say. But it’s you know, it’s Hozier.

S43: I feel like a shame directed at me because I say and that’s okay because we’re all here to learn. So thanks. Yes.

S5: You’re welcome. He’s from Ireland. He’s from a small town outside of Dublin. But I think he now calls Dublin home and his birthday is March 17th. What we know as St. Patrick’s Day, which I feel it’s a little too on the nose, but whatever the Irish in it. And he actually just turned 30 this year. And the baby. Yes, he’s a babe. Me and I’m like, oh, my God. Am I just stuck with lusting after a younger man? But you know what? Fuck it.

S53: I know the way. Yes.

S5: So I actually started listening to Holzer’s music a little later than everyone else. So, you know, he had this big single called Take Me to Church. And I kept hearing it all over the place. But like in public, like, you know, in coffee shops and, you know, department stores and stuff like that. I was like, you know, it sounds good. Like, I like this person’s voice. But because I’m hearing it in this setting, it feels a little too commercial.

S9: You know, like when you hear Starbucks music and it’s a little I don’t know, it’s like all the soul has been taken out of it.

S14: So I didn’t really pay attention to the song, like I listen to the melody. I heard this person singing and recognized, like I said, that he had a good voice. But again, it was just it wasn’t enough to make me pay attention to it. And then he started winning all these awards and people were making a big deal about the video for it. So I was like, okay, let me finally sit and listen to it. And I was like, what in the hell? This song is kind of kinky. And it’s also like this antireligious thing. And I identify as a religious person. I identify as a Christian. But the song was clearly some anti-Catholic kind of stuff going on. And, you know, which is fine.

S3: Everybody has their thing. You know, their thoughts about religion. I would never begrudge anybody that.

S9: But I was just like, this is totally opposite from my original thoughts about him, that he was this, you know, smooth, not even smooth jazz, but just like elevator music, you know, just like whatever.

S60: Because I, too, had heard Take Me to church. And that had been my feeling, too, that here was a pop song that was gonna be rinsed and milked to death and it’s gonna be his biggest hit. And then we’ll never hear from this guy again. And I didn’t even really enjoy the song. I found it wildly melodramatic. So even though I only had it in slivers to this day, I have and this is the whole song all the way through. But like I’ve heard the I’ve heard the overwrote like chorus and I’m like, ah.

S43: So I came to church, I guess. But no, please carry on the God.

S61: What is this one is a register my my thoughts at this juncture. Please carry Carrie.

S14: Yes. Okay. So I listened to it and you know, it opens up. My lover’s got humor. She’s the giggle at a funeral, knows everybody’s disapproval. I should have worshipped her sooner. So when I heard worshipped her sooner, I was I. What else are we talking about? You know. And he goes on, he says something. She tells me, worship in the bedroom. Some like. Yes. A a.

S8: You know, I get to the chorus.

S9: Take me to church. I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good guy. Let me give you my life.

S30: So I don’t know about these lyrics. See, cause that means nothing.

S5: So I’m like, okay, now, obviously, he again, he intended it as this. anti-Church thing.

S9: But there’s clearly like this double sexual romantic side that’s happening as well. So, you know, next the next verses like to keep the goddess on my side. She demands a sacrifice during the whole. So he gets something shiny and he keeps going. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Dre the what. The whole si. Oh okay. Uh-Huh. Get something shiny. Which is probably like money, you know, whatever but. Yes. A coin, that kinds. And yet. And yet. So then he says something meaty for the main course. That’s a fine looking high horse. What you got in the stable? We’ve a lot of starving faithful. That looks tasty. That looks plenty. This is hungry work right now. And you know that I am a sucker for any time. A man references a certain sexual acts, which I felt like was clearly all between the lines here.

S60: Sure. Between the lines. That’s that. Yeah. Because the location they were at.

S30: Yes.

S9: So then, you know, I just I was like, okay, let me listen to the rest of this album. And this hour the song comes from his. He originally put it out as like a single from an E.P. and then he put it on a full, full album that was just called Hoser and Self-titled. And I was like, this man is a poet. He is. He has a set. Has he sat lyrics? He has these. Very romantic, sweet lyrics, he has these melancholy kind of morbid lyrics, he brings in poetry from Yates, he brings in, you know, folklore. He frequently talks about like people being buried in the bogs, you know, of Ireland and stuff like that.

S62: And I think he’s great. It’s fantastic.

S45: OK. Well, will you play me something so I can judge this?

S57: Sure.

S62: My very favorite, favorite favorite song by is called NLB.

S63: It’s.

S64: It’s certainly to some. I know.

S62: Slow.

S65: Huh?

S53: OK. So now this.

S9: You know, I don’t think many people really understand that. I have a dark, sad side to me. I think, you know, so many people see me as this very silly sexual person. You know, some people know that I am a poet as well. And Hozier speaks to that sad poet inside of me. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. And his music, I think, is also a little hard to categorize in the way that award shows and the way that we’re used to being.

S5: We’re used to seeing music categorized. So his his genre is kind of the Americana feel. So he’s got like this heavy blues and soul influence, but he also clearly has the influence of his Irish people. You know, and he’s playing not quite country music, but something that obviously leans very heavily on the guitar. He plays guitar. So like it all comes together for this. I think he’s often labeled as alternative, but it’s more Americana. It’s trying to study.

S60: It strikes me as kind of folksy, actually. It strikes me as a very kind of specific geographical as a geographically specific folk music. And yes, I see. Listen, I’m not a complete philistine. I know I know exactly what a good lyric means, et cetera. And I’m appreciative now of you having played some stuff that I haven’t heard before and I haven’t considered listening for because I was so turned off by. Take me to church. But to be honest, Nickell, like the music I can appreciate. Like I said, I have capacity to understand art. But tell me about the artist, because I just don’t understand. I understand you being drawn to these sad, dark, moody, thoughtful, lyrically understand you hearing a guitar kind of ring out and feeling feelings deep inside your soul and all that jazz. But like the key thing for me is the music may have stopped me from listening further what I’d heard. But also, what is it about him that you’re kind of like, yeah, that’s it for me.

S52: Okay.

S5: Hozier is my complete physical type when it comes to a man. He’s like six feet, maybe six, one or something like that. He’s slim. He’s got these very long fingers is long, delicate fingers, you know, from playing guitar. And he also plays piano. He also plays harmonica a little bit. But he’s got these long fingers that I just can not stop looking at when he’s talking, because, of course, he talks with his hands a lot and then he’s got, you know, this little beard. Does this period that kind of grows in that looks, you know, like he doesn’t take care of it, but clearly he does. And then he’s got this hair. Okay.

S8: You just exhaling into the mike. So sorry. He’s got this.

S9: His hair is like a little bit past his shoulders. Most times, you know, he does cut it. I don’t like it when he cuts it, like, very bluntly.

S61: He’s like a possessive girlfriend.

S4: I don’t like when he cuts his own hair.

S5: If he and I was ever get together, I would not let him have that particular hairstyle because I don’t like it. Okay, good to know. Yeah, but it’s like a little wavy, a little curly. And sometimes when he talks about it, he talks about it in the negative way. The white people with curly hair talk about curly hair. And so he’ll say something like his hair looks like if you took a lollipop out of your mouth and tossed it around in the backseat of a car and imaged it.

S14: Yeah. So but clearly, he’s you know, he’s got a little money now and he knows how to control his hair a little bit more. And they do the anti-freeze thing. But it’s so lovely. And I can’t you know, I love a ginger. And sometimes he looks more on the opposite side of ginger. I don’t know if he fully identifies as a ginger, but I see the red and the brown in his hair and in his beard.

S31: And I just want to I just want to put my face in his hair. Wow.

S60: Wow. That’s, again, another evocative image. I want to go back very quickly, though, to what you said about his beard, because that for me, I think I’ve now that you’ve mentioned, I really think that might be the absolute source of my intense ambivalence. It looks so patchy. It just looks like it looks like an animal like shed and he stuck it to his face in a way.

S61: I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to be rude. I’m trying to kill you. I’m trying to explain to you what the barriers to my lust are.

S5: OK. I understand. I understand. I think he would look, I think if he were to, you know, grow it out fully and to have like a really nice pelt. It would be helped. Yes, it would be too much for him because he’s so slight. I guess if you could describe a six foot man, a slight. But I think it would. I don’t I don’t know that it would look good on him. And I guess because I have seen where he’s constantly like rubbing and scratching at his face because he’s very he’s very uncomfortable talking about himself. So in interviews, he’s frequently, I think, trying to escape the interview by covering his face or looking away from the interview or something like that.

S17: Now, in the time of Bruno. You can’t be touching your face like that, Andrew.

S5: Stop it. Stop it. But I think that’s why, you know, his beard looks a little scraggly.

S53: And I know I don’t mind, you know. So, no.

S9: I also know that, you know, I have almost fully succumb to this very basic thirst of a long haired white boy playing guitar. All right. So, you know, I will give in. Yeah. Yeah.

S43: You know, you, like simultaneously resigned and sad like. Yeah. Yeah. The doctor says, I got to take it one day at a time. Maybe one day there’ll be a cure. But for now, I just gotta live my life.

S5: Yeah. There is. You know, it’s it’s. Speaking of this time of the ROHNER, there is a song that he has called in F W M.B., which stands for No One Fucks with My Baby.

S54: And it is about this being in love with a woman who, you know, is the end of the world.

S9: And she is amazing. She is just, you know, headed towards the end of the world like she is going to fight it and she’s going to go out fighting. And so he has this one set of lyrics where he says, if I was born as a Blackthorne tree, I’d want to be felled by you, held by you, fuel the pyre of your enemies. He actually dropped the single as an E.P. before the main album, Wasteland Baby, which is all about like, you know, kind of what’s going on now where we’re like feeling like it’s the end of the world. But when I heard those lyrics, I was like, this man is everything, because he is saying that he you know, he wants to be held by me because it’s it’s all about me. Right. But also, he wants to be the one that burns my enemies to the crisp when they are dead. And I love a man who will go after the people that I hate, who hates the people that I hate. You know?

S60: Yeah, absolutely. And I am seeing. Yes. Again, so much about the inside of your mind and love it.

S43: It’s real. Friendship means acknowledging that your friends are a little bit what they are.

S59: I’m just rolling with the punches. You’re looking for someone. You’re looking for a dude who will help burn your enemies to a crisp. And I respect that, Nicole. I want that.

S9: Yes. Thank you so much. I want to play a little bit of Hozier explaining. No one fucks with my baby.

S66: And if WNBA, it tries to imagine an event again of the world ending off-base drawing from Yates’s second coming this all faced. It’s our come round at last slouching towards Bethlehem to be born. I think it’s a line from the second coming. Taken from that to Bethlehem, it slouched and then it must have caught a good look at you, too. It’s kind of imagining the object of your affections. It’s just a really terrifying, terrifying individual, somebody who has has a real darkness to themselves and is completely unfazed or would be completely unfazed by the worst possible scenario is to me.

S53: So I feel like he is talking about me because it is him.

S9: I won’t say that I am completely unfazed. You know, I’m you know, I’m feeling a little anxious or whatever right now. But I am also very, you know, cool headed right now with everything that’s going on. So but I have a temper and I can be very wicked with that temper.

S31: And I feel like he understands that, you know, that there’s, you know, passion has a double side to it. Right. And sometimes that passion is.

S8: It’s it’s angry and that’s me and he understands me. And then he’s quoting fucking Yates, he is like, you know, he reads poetry.

S9: And I feel like if I you know, if I was to be quarantined when everybody it would be Hozier because I know that he would be, you know, over here in his corner reading some poetry, like he knows how to entertain himself. He’d be reading some poetry or reading whatever and writing his music and playing his music.

S14: And he knows how to entertain himself. And then he would look up and he would see me looking at him, and then he would just be like, come here. And I would be like, yes. And then we would do it. And like, fucking I don’t know. The last birds on the planet would like find us and like, watch us.

S9: And then we would just like, you know, recreate a whole new life and then we would rebuild the world.

S60: OK, so I don’t know what to do with that.

S4: I tried to put it in my pipe to smoke it and it just won’t fit. What’s this is such an involved fantasy.

S59: And the thing is, I only had a taste of this prior to this because you’ve never explained to me in depth.

S60: All I know is I say his name and you melt. But to hear you articulate yourself quite like this, I have to say, Nicole, I am flabbergasted. I am taken aback.

S43: I am. My eyes are big right now. Like I’m in my my bedroom closet.

S60: And I’m just kind of like I feel like I’ve looked into the abyss and the abyss is looked back on. The abyss is essentially an unending well of your desire for this man. It also sounds to me I have to be honest, like you are essentially looking for a man who is as cut catlike as possible the minute you said, yeah. He entertains himself. He’s over there in the corner. I was like, where? She’s describing a cat.

S4: Yes, but he doesn’t.

S53: I don’t think he likes cats. I think he’s a dog person. And I could forgive him that. I can forgive him for that.

S4: Wow. Wow. You do know that hogtie. Yes. Yes.

S5: That’s how deep my love is for this man that I don’t even know.

S43: You know what you are. I can’t lie.

S59: I think it’s going to be an uphill journey to find seeing him. But you know what? I really think this conversation has helped push me a little bit further up that hill. So well done.

S5: Thank you. Thank you. You know, and I I just kind of let go was like, I’m not going to convince her. But let me just use this as an opportunity to talk about my love for Hozier.

S31: You know, I just I think he is a celebrity that if I were to ever meet him, I would not be able to breathe for like a minute. Like, I would really have to, like, calm myself down and make sure that I do not embarrass myself. Like, I think I I think no.

S53: I don’t even want to say what I want to say. What does it say? Don’t say it.

S61: All I’m going to say is, Hozier, if you are listening, please come to our studio, wants to Rohner is done with us because I, for one, wants to see Nicole speechless and weeping in the corner as she gazes upon you and hides her face like, Oh my God.

S59: It would be never happened so calm and collected in most other situations that I really want to see this happen. I just.

S9: And he’s also, you know, he’s very much an Irish asshole like he is, you know, a lot of his interviews that that little bit of sarcasm, there is very much a part of Irish culture and how they make fun of everything like nothing is sacred to them that comes out and he tries to dampen it for American audiences. You know a little bit who may not understand his humor. But every now and then it comes out and you can see the interviewer kind of like pause like that. I just hear what I heard. And, you know, then he gives. And I like that, too. Like, I give me a, you know, a guy that’s a little bit of an asshole, which is maybe probably not good, but it’s so much what I’m used to. And I just love him. He’s like this really soft, sad, kinky, melancholy asshole of a guy and then is just perfect for me. So I just. Wow. If I can’t have Hozier, I just want someone like this idea of him that I have in my head.

S43: I see. I see. All right. Well, you know what? That that outward breath. That was absolutely earned. You’ve done your job here today. You try. You’ve you’ve definitely explained yourself.

S61: I don’t know. You’ve turned me all the way over, but a solid effort was made. And I appreciate that. Nicole, thank you so much. I just really needed that. Tune in next time for more of the inner workings of Nicole’s mind. Her book.