My Husband Tried Something “New” With His Penis. I’m Dying.
S1: Warning this podcast contains explicit language like naughty words. Hi, I’m Stoya. I’m a writer and pornographer,
S2: and I’m Rich Juzwiak. I’m a writer.
S1: Welcome to the How to Do It podcast, where we try to help you with all of your sex and relationship issues twice a week. You can ask us anything about sex or your bodies or dating etiquette or whatever. We’re here to help.
S2: Do you have any taste in pubic hair?
S1: I love pubic hair
S2: like full 70s bush.
S1: I mean, yeah, basically, I appreciate on people with penises if they have like a particularly hairy shaft.
S1: I shaft. I appreciate if that is like groomed.
S2: Yes. Yes, OK, I got it. Got it.
S1: And on myself, I’ll clean up the edges. Hmm. And I actually like trimming the bushes like a whole like operation with cuticle scissors. And like, I put conditioner on and like, push it all to one side and trim that edge. And then you got to do like the Mohawk top. The whole thing?
S2: Yes. Yeah, I would say I prefer Harry to not. And I mean, I am generally accepting I don’t think I’ve ever said anything down because somebody shaved so much. But I prefer to see natural. In general, I find the kind of essential ness of the body to be exciting. You know, like I like armpits and for skin and stuff, that’s very that’s meant to be there.
S1: It’s something about like the animalistic kind of side of it where you’re like, Yes, we are mammals together. We are adult mammals, totally. And that, like, is really awesome.
S2: Yes, although something I don’t like is like huge tufts of curls set up next to the dick. So it’s kind of like an elephant looking at our bushes. That’s just not like my absolute favorite. You know, if I feel like it should be a little bit sparser than that, but I don’t. I also don’t feel like I have any right to, like, tell somebody what to do with their pubic hair, like it is what it is, and I’m looking at it. I accept it knowing that I have no actual say in this.
S1: The worst, though, is stubble. Yes, I cannot abide stubble on my labia.
S2: Right, right. Four.
S1: Femmes crotch stubble. Like, I’m just like, No,
S2: this is my skin. It’s too sensitive. I can’t do it. No. So we mention this because we have a question about pubic hair that we’d like to listen to right now, dear.
S3: How to do it. My husband and I have been married for 25 years and have maintained a happy and regular sex life. We can still enjoy efficient and vanilla sex, as well as adventurous kinks, apparatuses and tricks. However, my husband recently decided to shave his scrotum in return for my own frequent landscaping. That’s pretty ordinary, right? Yet I can’t adequately put into words what an incredible turnoff it was. It was like a plucked chicken and prepubescent junk juxtaposed to a man cock. I felt like a predator. I have no poker face whatsoever, and I’m pretty sure he’ll never share them again. My question relates to my own landscaping. I can trim the bush, maybe make a landing strip, but now I’m so grossed out by full bald. I’m not even sure I can do that again. Am I being unreasonable? Well, this aversion pass, is there any way to give him all the benefits and novelty of hair removal yet still feel like an adult sign choked chicken?
S1: Choked chicken, I love this letter writer so evocative.
S2: I know, I know it’s I think it’s really OK to like process and let experiences determine your taste. I think sexuality kind of evolves anyway. And to kind of impede that is probably worse than just letting it be what it is.
S1: I mean, I think you’ve been married for quite some time, 25 years, presumably, you know, all of this like awesome sex you’ve had and all these years of marriage, you have an ability to like, speak openly. And I think it’s completely reasonable to go to your husband and be like, Here’s what I felt looking at your completely bald parts. And now I’m having a problem with the idea of completely shaving my parts. And I know we made a deal, but I think we need to renegotiate that deal.
S2: Yeah, it seems like. I mean, if he was up for shaving his scrotum for the first time in 25 years, that he is probably flexible in terms of what she does with her pubic hair.
S1: You know, if it’s about looking right, like if it’s about the appearance of a completely bald crotch, then I don’t see a way to like meet in the middle. Right? But I expect that a lot of the benefits is seeing the labia. Hmm. Seeing everything very clearly and also like eating it with a different texture. Mm hmm. So I think there’s a way to like you can just shave the undercarriage. Mm hmm. And leave Bush on top, you know, make like a nice little triangle. You can use an eyeliner pencil to like, draw the shape so you can like, get it even. Oh, our mirror. OK. And then shave the edges washes off easily. And then he has the whole undercarriage to like, look at and appreciate and observe and lick and kiss and all that wonderful stuff.
S2: I think that it’s pretty interesting that this was a trigger for our writer, and it’s not just like she’s being a snob and a sweet, if you will. It’s like, Oh no, this actually kind of like triggered something in me and I felt like a predator, and it felt kind of in territory that really makes me uncomfortable. Yeah. And if you’re there, you’re not going to enjoy sex or you’re going to have to do what you have to do to get out of that uncomfortable territory.
S1: Yeah, but they definitely have the conversation and be like, please don’t ever do this to your conjugation because it gives me very strange feelings that they don’t like.
S2: Yeah, threw me into a spin. And here we have this wonderful life where we enjoy vanilla sex and kinky sex and everything like, let’s actually try to do our best to maintain that. Sorry to your scrotum.
S2: All right. Let’s move on to the next one.
S3: Do you have to do it? I love being spanked. Not like a sexy little slap on the ass. I like being disciplined and everything that goes with it. My wife, we are both women, honestly enjoys the opportunity to dish out some consequences, and she’s pretty damn good at it. Spanking for me isn’t always necessarily a sex thing, though. I mean, it’s definitely my kink. But it also turned out to be a fairly effective mood stabilizer and anxiety reducer. Part of me would love to experience a spanking without the sex, but that’s not really something my wife is comfortable doing. And I completely understand. We have two kids a house, and she’s a supervisor in a very busy office. The last thing she needs on her plate is the task of actually disciplining her wife. So I’m hoping for some advice. I would love to experience a spanking without the sex. Just a purely disciplinary session with the professional. However, I would only do so with my wife’s explicit permission. I would never go behind her back or if she was less than 100 percent comfortable with the idea. I love my wife and I’m not even remotely interested in sex with anyone else. Is there a way to bring this up with her in a way that wouldn’t hurt her feelings? It’s not something I need, just more of a bucket list kind of thing. And I’d be thrilled to make it like a reciprocal thing she could do. One of her bucket list dreams, skydiving, for example, is it even worth bringing up? We generally have great communication. I think I’m mostly just a little embarrassed that this is even something I want, especially since I get spanked fairly regularly as it is signed. Bad Girl!
S1: I think there are kids involved. There’s a marriage. There are reasons to tread kind of carefully. Yeah. So you think she could start with floating the idea of whether spanking is always sex toys?
S2: And it seems like to the wife, it kind of might be. She doesn’t seem to want to make that transition into non-sexual spanking. So I think like delving into them being distinct entities on a continuum, but distinct and use all the same could be useful. And the fact of the matter is like our letter writer wants something that the wife is just not up for providing. So what do you do?
S1: I’m having a left field idea.
S1: So the mood stabilizing and anxiety reduction aspect. Strong physical sensation. Does that come in like trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy? I know from personal experience. They work with you on kinds of non-harmful strong physical stimulation that you can use when you start, like freaking out. So hold ice by the lemon. And there’s this thing called a violet wand. It’s not for everyone. It’s a modified Tesla coil that emits electrical current. It can, depending on the attachment you use, it can be like a bulb that like shoots, sparks or like there’s like a metal pad on a chain. And if you want to get like creative, you can put it in your waistband so it’s touching your skin and then you become the conduit. And when you touch things, sparks happen. Uh-Huh. But also, you can put in the chain with the metal pad and just leave it laying on the counter and put a part of your body over top of it. And it sparks you. And it’s a strong physical stimulation that is not harmful that our writer could try and do on their own right. Like, it’s really hard to spank yourself, right? But the violet wand you can apply to yourself very easily.
S2: Wow, that’s really interesting. So that would circumvent this whole conversation that, you know, might pull the relationship in a direction or at least momentarily that nobody wants. I do think that the trepidation here is very plainly stated. I think I’m mostly just a little embarrassed that this is even something I want, especially since I get spanked fairly regularly. As it is, I tried to work through that embarrassment. It seems like you actually have a really good sense of your needs and wants, and that is a really good thing. This is a very specific thing that you’re asking for in addition to what you’re already getting. And I have the good faith to understand that this might be beneficial for you and I’m not married to you. So it does really seem like if you approach it properly, you can have this conversation. And if the answer is no, the answer is no. But I think your wife will understand where you’re coming from.
S1: And it’s like part of being a partner is going, Oh, my partner wants this. Let’s figure out how to make it happen somehow.
S2: Yes, yes. And understand that you may propose an idea that your partner has trepidation about, but that they are able to process and it sinks in. And they understand over time, OK, yes, this is not a threat. This is something that you very much want and need, and I’m OK with that, you know, so, so be open to the process. I love the idea, though, of like I get to get spanking to go skydiving. I don’t really see it’s kind of apples and oranges,
S1: but they’re both about adrenaline.
S2: Yes, they are. And I could see how like, the transaction makes a certain amount of sense financially. Like, I get to do this, we get to take out the money that we have saved. You know what I mean? Like, like, I see the tit for tat there, but it is very funny to just see them laid out like that. As comparisons
S1: go, you know, it makes it so dumb and you jump out of a plane that it’s like
S2: equal. We’re both happy. Yeah. Yeah. So in some violent land, well,
S1: it’s a little hard to just like, try one. OK, maybe a couple hundred dollars. OK. So it’s an investment. Maybe a sex party might have one laying around, but I’m not sure how a person would just like test the waters without a sex party or buying it.
S2: I see. I see. OK, well, if it’s maybe in your financial reach, try that. And if not, just have a patient unburdened, very clear conversation and be willing to accept the answer, whatever it is. And if not that, then go through the process of kind of like talking this out, which may occur over several days, weeks months. Totally.
S1: OK. That’s all for now, but we’re not done this week on tomorrow’s episode, just for Slate Plus members, we hear from a letter writer who’s feeling guilty about her latest fantasy. I feel like Goldilocks, where I’m like, this person has too much guilt. This person has not enough guilt. This person is just right.
S2: Is this person just right to hear that discussion? Sign up for Slate Plus for just one dollar at Slate.com. Slash HDI.
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S2: Our show is produced by Channel two. How to do its editor is Jeffrey Blumer. Our letter readers are Shasha Leonard and Benjamin Fresh. And if you’ve been loving the show, please rate and subscribe. Thanks for listening and we’ll talk to you next time.