Bad Astronomy

An Open Letter to the Editors of the Los Angeles Times

teach the controversy
Think for yourself!

Illustration by Teach the Controversy t-shirts

In response to this OpEd in the Los Angeles Times, I have written them an open letter.

Dear L.A. Times Editors:

It has come to my attention that you will no longer be publishing letters to the editor from Flat-Earthers. This is an outrage, and shows your obvious spherist bias.

By taking the stance that the Earth is round, you are going against six thousand years of obvious truth. Look around you! Do you see the world curving down, away from you? Of course not. And the idea that we live on a thin skin of crust outside a giant sea of molten rock is simply ridiculous. If that were true, the ground would be warmer than the air above it! Duh.


The claim of a scientific consensus is another orbist lie. Have you not seen the Global Flattening Petition Project, which is signed by thousands of scientists* who know the true unbent shape of our planet? And don’t forget Geocentrismgate, where scientists’ emails revealed they say “The Moon rises at 8:30 tonight,” showing they clearly have been lying about heliocentrism, too.


Do I even need to mention that Round-Earth scientists calculate the positions of so-called “satellites” using relativity, and that’s just a theory?

So of course the Earth is flat. Heck, the very word “planet” has the word “plane” in it.

flat earth
It’s turtles all the way down.

Illustration by Teach the Controversy t-shirts.


Follow the money! NASA gets billions of dollars pretending the Earth is a sphere. Scientists live in huge mansions and get driven around in limousines because they’ve made a fortune faking things like GPS (if the Earth were round, how can map makers print them on sheets of paper, smart guys?). Worst of all, teachers brainwash our kids into fingerpainting a round Earth. And if that child draws the giant turtle it sits on, they get graded down!

Your decision to stop printing letters by Flat-Earthers like me makes it clear you are in the pocket of Big Sphere. From now on, I will only write to The Mail on Sunday, The Daily Mail, and the Wall Street Journal OpEd page, because those venues have freed themselves from seeing the world based on science and scientific evidence.


Phil Plait, PhD (Pretty Heavily Disgusted)

* In cuneiform.