This article is part of Watching Fox, a Slate series about Fox News.
Welp, it’s not even 8 p.m. on election night and Fox News is already broadcasting hot takes from cute fedora-wearing children who have strong opinions on why Beto O’Rourke sucks. It is going to be that kind of night, I guess, so we might as well just accept it. I give you Phoenix, Kid Reporter—a boy who is “very in-tune politically” and a CPAC keynote speaker in the making.
Just before the first round of polls closed at 7 p.m., Fox News reporter Carley Shimkus headed out onto “Fox Square”—the small plaza outside the Fox News building on 48th Street and Sixth Avenue in Manhattan—to interview people who had come to stand on the street in the cold for some reason. The first two stiffs she interviewed were thoroughly uninteresting. But, like the song says, things got interesting by the time she got to Phoenix.
“Now we’re going to move onto a very special guest tonight,” Shimkus said, as the camera revealed a small boy in a natty fedora. “This is Phoenix. Phoenix is from Texas. His official title is ‘kid reporter.’ ” Not that his official title was necessary—you could tell he was a reporter because of his hat. Did this particular kid reporter have some hot takes on the evening’s contests? You bet he did:
I think Beto thought he would have a big chance with the Hispanic voters, but I think he’s gone very far left, and my mom’s an immigrant from Nicaragua, and I’ve talked to a lot of people in the Hispanic community, and I think some of his values are something he’s running from.
“I got two words for you,” said Shimkus. “You’re hired.” (I’ve got two words, too: So. Tired.) Anyway, let’s hope this is literally true and that we’ll be seeing this kid all night and for decades thereafter. I’ll keep you posted.
Support our journalism
Help us continue covering the news and issues important to you—and get ad-free podcasts and bonus segments, members-only content, and other great benefits.Join Slate Plus