The Slatest

Daily Dem Panic Meter: Welcome to False Flag-Gate, Where Even False Flags Are a False Flag

PARIS, FRANCE - SEPTEMBER 27:  American flags are seen during the opening ceremony for the 2018 Ryder Cup at Le Golf National on September 27, 2018 in Paris, France.  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)
Presumably real flags, but it’s hard to tell these days. Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

The Daily Dem Panic Meter is a wildly subjective and speculative daily estimate of how panicked Democrats are, or really should be, leading up to the midterms on Nov 6th. The meter is calibrated to measure Democratic panic in these increments: Very panicked!; Panicked!; Not that panicked; Not panicked; Excited about the future of the party and country!

You may have seen on the news that some wack-a-doodle has been sending literal bombs in the mail to just about every Democrat who has ever won something, beloved actor Bobby (fine, Robert) De Niro, and CNN. Ten packages so far. It’s a frightening turn, if not a totally unexpected one. But at least it’s a chance for Trumpy Republicans (and regular Democrats) to go on cable news and declare “we need to come together as a nation.” It is, of course, an appropriate sentiment, if perhaps not a deeply felt strategic one.

But not every Trump-loving, MAGA-thumping Republican is convinced that this is a time for national unity. Some on the fringe that comprise Trump’s ID—some even with national tv and radio talk shows!—think they smell a rat, a pizza rat waving, you guessed it, a false flag.

Fox Business Network host Lou Dobbs: “Fake bombs. Who could possibly benefit by so much fakery?” Dobbs wrote in a tweet Thursday morning that was later deleted after Dobbs surely went down to the crime scene and did a little forensic work himself. Dobbs then followed up with a second tweet writing: “Fake News had just successfully changed the narrative from the onslaught of illegal immigrants and broken border security to ‘suspicious packages.’” But then apparently realized that was, like, a basic rewording of the gist of the first tweet and later deleted that one as well. Finally, Dobbs found the (sort of) carefully threaded tweet he was looking for.

In other words, Dobbs, feeling a bit too policed on Twitter, decided to just take his really good ideas about the bomb attempts over to his national cable “news” show to discuss.

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh: “It doesn’t make any sense for a Republican or conservative to do this,” Limbaugh said on his show Wednesday. “But flip that! Flip that around. Would it make a lot of sense for a Democrat operative or Democrat-inculcated lunatic to do it?”

The well known flip-the-script conspiracy theorem.

This annoying post-millennial conspiracy theorist:

Hipsters are the worst though.

Talk show host Alex Jones:

Lava streams down from Anak Krakatau (Child of Krakatoa) volcano during an eruption as seen from Rakata island in South Lampung on July 19, 2018. - An Indonesian volcano known as the 'child' of the legendary Krakatoa erupted on July 19, spewing a plume of ash high into the sky as molten lava streamed down from its summit. Anak Krakatau -- a small volcanic island that emerged from the ocean a half century after Krakatoa's deadly 1883 eruption -- has rumbled back to life in recent weeks, spitting flaming rocks and ash from its crater. (Photo by FERDI AWED / AFP)        (Photo credit should read FERDI AWED/AFP/Getty Images)
Artistic rendering of Alex Jones. FERDI AWED/Getty Images

Random Republican Person:

They think Democrats are bombing themselves! Even if Democrats win at the polls in November, Lou Dobbs won’t believe it. Because you know what’s the ultimate false flag? Winning an election.

The Daily Dem Panic Meter is:

A drawing of donkey sitting breathing in and out of a brown paper bag.
Lisa Larson-Walker