The Slatest

That Photo of Donald Trump Jr. and Robert Mueller is Evidence of a High-Stakes Game of Cat and Mouse

On Friday, Politico published an intriguing picture of Donald Trump Jr. standing a few feet away from special counsel Robert Mueller at Washington National Airport. Could it really be a coincidence that the man tasked with investigating the alleged misdeeds of Donald Trump’s campaign would wind up at gate 35X at the same time as the president’s son?

A spokesperson for the special counsel told Washington Post reporter Matt Zapotosky that the man in the photo is, in fact, Robert Mueller, adding, “If it’s accurate that the other person in the photo was Donald Trump Jr., Mr. Mueller was not aware of him and had no interaction with him.” (And it’s definitely accurate that the other person in the photo was Don Jr.)

That statement seems to indicate that this picture is evidence of nothing more than a chance juxtaposition at a busy airport terminal in the nation’s capital. Or is it?

I consider myself something of an intrigue expert, as I find so many things intriguing. This photo fits the bill. Don’t listen to the special counsel’s spokesperson. What we have here is a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, and I can prove it by zooming in on five peculiarities present in Politico’s photo.

1. Mueller is reading a newspaper. Seems normal enough, but why would a man privy to more information than anyone else about the president’s alleged collusion with Russia be reading the news like a schmo? Our man Bob already has all the info. I’d bet my life’s savings ($56.87) that there is a mirror on the other side of that paper, or perhaps a high-tech X-ray camera that’s been bequeathed to the special counsel by a droll gadgets expert. He probably has an exploding pen, too.

2. Don Jr. is wearing a camouflage hat. Oh, this is just a normal trip to the airport, is it? Then explain why the president’s son felt the need to make the top of his head completely invisible. Luckily Mueller has that X-ray camera to see through this clever disguise.

3. Don Jr.’s secret service agent and the special counsel are dressed alike. Mueller’s matching threads indicate the special counsel will likely engage in a Mission: Impossible–style latex mask switcheroo with the agent, probably once he gets up to use the lavatory at the rear of the plane (that’s where all the intrigue usually happens).

4. A photo of the Jefferson Memorial is displayed prominently on the wall. According to the 2004 documentary National Treasure, the Declaration of Independence contains the secret location of priceless jewels. That document was written by—you guessed it—Thomas Jefferson.

Forget Russia: Don Jr. is going to steal the Declaration of Independence.

5. Don Jr. has a rolling bag. Surely a man who Instagrams all his Crossfit workouts would be able to lift some measly luggage. That is, unless his bag is full of priceless jewels and gold doubloons …

Dear God, it’s happening. The country is counting on you, Mr. Mueller. Please capture the president’s son before he makes off with all that booty.