The Slatest

Sketch of “Thug” Who Allegedly Threatened Stormy Daniels Looks Awfully Familiar

Above, as you can see, is a privately contracted sketch artist’s drawing of the unidentified man who is alleged to have threatened Stormy Daniels in 2011 regarding her alleged affair with Donald Trump. (Trump’s attorney Michael Cohen, through his own attorney [lots of attorneys!], has denied sending anyone to intimidate Daniels.)

Here is a list of everyone the Slate staff and other jokers online have identified as potentially being the infamous “thug” based on this sketch.

• Young Willem Dafoe

• Former Saturday Night Live star Chris Kattan

Young Arnold Schwarzenegger

Young Charles Manson

• Retired baseball player Johnny Damon

1994 Kato Kaelin

Jaime Lannister

• Tom Brady

• The infamously bad courtroom sketch of Tom Brady

Young Harry Hamlin and/or Young Dr. Oz

Chris Pine’s character in Hell or High Water

Which of these people and fictional characters and actors using a time machine threatened Stormy Daniels??? Only Robert Mueller knows.

*Correction, April 17, 2018: This post originally misspelled Jaime Lannister’s first name. I don’t watch the show, OK? Red Wedding, dragons, blah blah blah. When does Veep come back?