The Slatest

Michelle Wolf’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner Monologue Takes Aim at Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Comedian Michelle Wolf’s skewering of the Trump administration Saturday night at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner drew mixed reviews in the room and online, as well as the requisite outrage on the right (and some not so right) for her roasting, in particular, of White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. The former Daily Show correspondent, of course, went after President Trump, kicking off her set with: “Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with a Trump, let’s get this over with.”

Wolf also touched on the president’s decision to skip the annual event for the second year in a row.“I would drag him here myself, but it turns out that the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab. He said it first. Yeah, he did. You remember? Good.” And with that, the Washington send up was off and running touching on abortion, Trump’s sexual prowess and finances (or lack there of), Ivanka Trump, Kellyanne Conway, among others. The Washington Post described Wolff’s monologue as “a routine that swerved from raunchy to downright nasty.” There were also plenty of funny bits in between.

With Sarah Huckabee Sanders sitting nearby onstage, Wolf went after the White House spokeswoman, prompting some to wonder if she had gone too far.

“Every time Sarah steps up to the podium, I get excited. I’m not really sure what we’re going to get, you know? A press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. ‘It’s shirts and skins, and this time don’t be such a little bitch, Jim Acosta,” Wolf joked. “I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. But she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye. Like maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies. It’s probably lies.”

“I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders,” Wolf continued. “Is it Sarah Sanders, is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is it Cousin Huckabee, is it Aunt Huckabee Sanders? What’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Ah I Know, Aunt Coulter.”

Kellyanne Conway:

“Man, she has the perfect name for what she does. Conway. It’s like if my last name was Michelle tells-jokes-frizzy-hair-small-tits.”

“You guys have to stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don’t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree? I’m not suggesting she gets hurt. Just stuck. Stuck under a tree.”

Ivanka Trump:

“She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women. So I guess, like father like daughter.”

Abortion:

“[Vice-president Mike Pence] thinks abortion is murder. Which first of all don’t knock it till you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it, you gotta get that baby out of there. And yeah, sure, you can groan all you want, I know a lot of you are very anti-abortion, you know, unless it’s the one you got for your secret mistress.”

On the Media:

“Fox News is here. So you know what that means, ladies. Cover your drinks. Seriously. People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight, but I cannot do that. This dinner is for journalists.”

“The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.”

“I watch ‘Morning Joe’ every morning. We now know Mika and Joe are engaged. Congratulations, you guys. It’s like when a #MeToo works out.”

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