The Slatest

An Open Request to John Boehner to Invite Me to Smoke Dope and Drink Red Wine With Him in Ohio

John Boehner with Pope Francis in the Capitol building before the Pope's address to a joint meeting of Congress. "Joint." Ha!
John Boehner with Pope Francis in the Capitol building before the Pope’s address to a joint meeting of Congress. “Joint.” Ha! Clark/Pool/Getty Images

As far as powerful Republican politicians of recent national prominence are concerned, John Boehner seems like he’d probably be the most fun for someone of a non-Republican persuasion to hang out with. He famously loves red wine, he was known for actually being willing to work with Democrats to maintain a functioning government, he likes to cut loose and tell stories and talk crap about Trump. Also this, of course:

Well, the Republican Uncle Joe just got even cooler, because he is now into the dank nugs:

Hell yeah! Here’s a good line from the Washington Post’s piece about the move:

Spokesman David Schnittger said Boehner’s evolving position has been the result of close study after leaving office.

“Close study.” Boehner, you dog. (N.b.: Acreage Holdings appears to be the kind of thing that happens when people who wear expensive suits to work realize that a product that lots of people spend money on illegally is about to be widely legalized. De-scheduling would allow more banks to work with marijuana companies and let states set their own marijuana policies without the threat of federal intervention.)

As it happens, my in-laws live outside Cincinnati in Boehner’s old district, and as a result I am already familiar with the pleasures of drinking red wine, golfing, and discussing Ohio lawn care. In fact, I enjoy few activities more. The in-laws are not marijuana people, but if John Boehner wants to help expand my Ohio substance portfolio, I am willing to meet him where he’s at (the seat of a riding lawnmower). HMU John Boehner.