The Slatest

Brace Yourself, James Comey Wrote a Memoir. Here’s Some of What It Says, “the Golden Showers Thing” Included.

Former FBI director James Comey is sworn in during a hearing before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence on Capitol Hill June 8, 2017 in Washington, DC.
Former FBI director James Comey is sworn in during a hearing before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence on Capitol Hill June 8, 2017 in Washington, DC.
BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/Getty Images

Former FBI Director James Comey has a book dropping on Tuesday, so prepare for the president of the United States to be tweetin’. The Republican Party is already gearing up for a fight with a Trumpspeak-inspired “Lyin’ Comey” website. While it will surely be interesting and instructive to hear Comey’s perspective on the past three years in American history, the 304-page tell-all is coming at a particularly inopportune time. Facing complicated geopolitical questions in Syria that may involve the use of force, I think we can all agree it’s for the best that Trump devote whatever mental resources he possesses to figuring that out. But A Higher Loyalty: Truth, Lies and Leadership is coming. The Washington Post got hold a of an advance copy and served up a preview.

Here are some, err, highlights of Comey’s opinion of what he describes as “the forest fire that is the Trump presidency.” Forest fire is a gentleman’s dumpster fire, by the way.

Let’s get straight to “the golden showers thing”:

Trump “strongly denied the allegations, asking—rhetorically, I assumed— whether he seemed like a guy who needed the service of prostitutes. He then began discussing cases where women had accused him of sexual assault, a subject I had not raised. He mentioned a number of women, and seemed to have memorized their allegations.”

Interesting approach, using sexual assault accusations to prove that you don’t “need” the service of prostitutes. Comey, of course, was charged with broaching the topic of the Steele Dossier with Trump during the presidential transition, which included unsubstantiated allegations that a tape exists of a 2013 trip to Moscow where Trump engaged in a sex romp with prostitutes at a hotel, which included watching the prostitutes urinating in bed as a sex act (aka “the golden showers thing” aka “the pee tape”).

“Comey describes Trump as having been obsessed with the prostitutes portion of the infamous dossier compiled by former British intelligence officer Christopher Steele, raising it at least four times with the FBI head,” the Post writes. “Trump offered varying explanations to convince Comey it was not true.”

“I’m a germaphobe,” Trump told him in a follow-up call on Jan. 11, 2017, according to Comey’s account. “There’s no way I would let people pee on each other around me. No way.”

“A week after the Trump Tower meeting, on Jan. 11, Comey writes that Trump called him and said he was concerned about the dossier being made public and was fixated on the prostitutes allegation,” the Post writes. “The president-elect argued that it could not be true because he had not stayed overnight in Moscow but had only used the hotel room to change his clothes. And after Trump explained that he would never allow people to urinate near him, Comey recalls laughing.”

“I decided not to tell him that the activity alleged did not seem to require either an overnight stay or even being in proximity to the participants,” Comey writes. “In fact, though I didn’t know for sure, I imagined the presidential suite of the Ritz-Carlton in Moscow was large enough for a germaphobe to be at a safe distance from the activity.”

In other news…

Comey on Trump’s Tan, Hair, and Hands:

The first time Comey met Trump was at the pre-inauguration intelligence briefing. Comey, who is 6’8” tall, writes that the 6’3” president-elect looked shorter than he did on television. “His face appeared slightly orange,” Comey writes, “with bright white half-moons under his eyes where I assumed he placed small tanning goggles, and impressively coifed, bright blond hair, which upon close inspection looked to be all his.” “As he extended his hand,” Comey adds, “I made a mental note to check its size. It was smaller than mine, but did not seem unusually so.”

Comey on Trump’s speech patterns:

“like an oral jigsaw puzzle”

Comey on Attorney General Jeff Sessions:

“…both overwhelmed and overmatched by the job.” 

Get ready Comey, because they will be coming, nice and new and “smart!”