The Slatest

NRA Leader Warns That Democrats Want to Build a Socialist Cloud Database of Parents’ Spanking Habits

NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Thursday.
Wayne LaPierre at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Thursday.
Alex Wong/Getty Images

On Wednesday night, NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch appeared at a town hall event with Parkland, Florida shooting survivors and delivered impassioned remarks about her group’s commitment to the National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS). Those remarks were disingenuous at best given the NRA’s opposition to the bill that created the system and to nearly every attempt to expand it, but in any case it was an effort before a national audience to at least seem friendly to the idea of using nationalized criminal and mental health data to prevent certain individuals from buying weapons.

On Thursday, though, longtime NRA official Wayne LaPierre—he’s currently the group’s executive vice president and CEO—spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, D.C. In front of the home crowd, as it were, the NRA’s attitude toward government databases came off a little differently. While he opened by repeating some of the same dubious talking points as Loesch about the NRA’s alleged history of support for NICS specifically, he was soon attacking the very concept of government-kept lists as the work of “European-style socialists” such as Bernie Sanders and Andrew Cuomo (?). The ultimate goal of socialist list-keeping, he explained, is to … well, to do whatever this is, with the children:

This growing socialist state dreams of manipulating schoolchildren to squeeze and squeeze information about their parents. They will be asking your kids if mom and dad spank them or what they feed them for dinner. They will want to know what TV shows you watch, what magazines or newspapers you read—and do mommy and daddy own a gun? And all that private information will be entered into ultimate list, that cloud of data storage, that could not care less about due process and constitutional freedom and your privacy as an American citizen. 

The only question, really, is how did LaPierre find out about all this? President-for-Life Obama was very clear, during the last Communist Revolution and NPR Arugula Deep State meeting, that Project Spank Cloud was supposed to be top secret!