The Impeach-O-Meter is a wildly subjective and speculative daily estimate of the likelihood that Donald Trump leaves office before his term ends, whether by being impeached (and convicted) or by resigning under threat of same.
Winning campaigns, we wiseacres in the coastal punditsphere should always be reminding ourselves, are about more than just clever “messaging.” Successful parties need to field charismatic candidates with compelling biographies; prioritize issues that resonate with both swing voters and “the base”; cultivate relationships with influential activists and local leaders; win the “ground game” with phone calls, mailings, social media posts, and doorknocking; and, of course, raise enough money to bring three to five million fraudulent voters over the border in unmarked buses to cast ballots. You can’t simply blame a given party’s losses—let’s say, hypothetically, the Democratic Party’s losses—on its persistent habit of creating toothless, embarrassing slogans and catchphrases that are rhetorically reminiscent of junior-high pep talks about not doing drugs.
And yet … if Nevada Democrats fail in their efforts to unseat incumbent Republican Sen. Dean Heller in 2018, will this, below, not deserve a significant portion of blame?
So the Democratic strategy is to associate Heller with McConnell—an infamously dull and low-profile bureaucrat—rather than the unprecedentedly unpopular Republican president who has 100 percent name recognition and is in the news every day? And they’re going to do this with a cartoon turtle that would not remind anyone, on first glance—or any glance—of Mitch McConnell? Did they not learn their lesson, about being lame, from the Clinton/Kaine ticket and “Pokemon Go to the Polls”?
I understand that Mitch McConnell resembles a turtle, but why are they going into so much detail about what turtles do? Are turtles bad?
Fellow teens, let’s do some drugs and vote for Dean Heller.
Today’s meter is down five points. Mitch McTurtle?