Watching Fox

Ten Thoughts on Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo’s Appearance as the “One Lucky Guy” on Fox News’ Outnumbered

Fox News

1. “One Lucky Guy?” More like “one lucky audience!” Outnumbered, which airs at noon each weekday on Fox News, features four regular female panelists and one rotating male panelist, a fellow who sits in the middle of the show’s big semicircular couch and is dubbed “#oneluckyguy” by host Harris Faulkner. The guy is usually a standard-issue Fox nincompoop like Newt Gingrich or Sebastian Gorka or Jason Chaffetz. Compared to these dull fellows, Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo is a special treat. Sorbo may well be a nincompoop, but at least he’s a novelty!

2. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo wore the wrong shirt. It is generally best to wear solid colors when you appear on television. “Don’t wear crazy patterns or vertical stripes. The patterns are hard for the cameras to pick up,” says Every Television Producer Who Ever Lived. “But what about my lucky black-and-white vertical-striped shirt?” you will protest. “Under no circumstances should you wear that shirt,” Every Television Producer Who Ever Lived will respond. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo does not care about your wardrobe advice, Every Television Producer! Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo certainly does not care that his black-and-white vertical-striped shirt makes him look horrible in close-ups. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo, who has spent a fair part of his career performing shirtless—he played the part of Hercules in the TV show Hercules: The Legendary Journeys—will wear whatever shirt he wants, and he will wear it unbuttoned to his chest, because that’s just the kind of guy he is.

3. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo is either very polite or very tired. The male panelists generally dominate the discussion on Outnumbered, which is such a male panelist thing to do. They talk a whole lot, and assume their insights are definitive. I remember cringing a couple weeks back when, after former State Department deputy spokeswoman Marie Harf made a relevant point about foreign policy, Newt Gingrich responded by patting her on the knee. That is not a Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo move. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo is less talkative than any other #oneluckyguy I have ever seen on this show. He sat quietly for the show’s first nine minutes and waited for Harris Faulker to invite him into the discussion. “Last word to you,” said Faulkner to Sorbo, as the first segment was concluding. “Last word to me? I know nothing, I see nothing,” said Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo. Which might be true, but still, that never stopped Newt Gingrich.

4. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo is an economical filmmaker. Correction: Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo did actually chime in with one point during the show’s first segment, when the other panelists referenced the amount of money the Democratic National Committee and the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign allegedly spent on commissioning some of the research behind the infamous Steele dossier. “You mentioned $9 million. I could have made three movies with really good messages for $9 million,” said Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo. I think we can all agree that that would have been a better use of the money, especially considering that each of these theoretical films would have probably starred Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo.

5. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo just wants to talk about his movie. Why was Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo on Outnumbered today? Glad you asked: He was there to promote a movie called Let There Be Light. Sean Hannity was one of the film’s producers. I know this because Hannity has been plugging the film relentlessly on his program for the past two weeks. “I’ve always felt— Hollywood, I’ve never liked their values. I’ve always thought they had contempt for conservatives, their movies, so formulaic,” Hannity said recently, explaining why he decided to back this film, which, again, was directed by and stars Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo.

6. His movie looks bad. Let There Be Light “is an emotional story of the world’s greatest atheist who finds his purpose after a near death experience.” It opens today. I was going to go see it tonight and write it up for the blog, but it isn’t playing anywhere in New York City. The closest theater that’s showing it is in New Jersey, and I am not going to New Jersey to see a Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo movie. Sorry, fans!

7. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo still looks great, despite wearing the wrong shirt. Way to go, Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo.

8. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo has some dumb thoughts about the Mueller investigation. “Once again,” he said midway through the show, “let me go back to [the issue of the federal government wasting] taxpayers’ money. It’s just a waste of time. I mean, really, enough is enough. It’s time to move on with this thing. I say clean out the people who started this whole witch hunt to begin with. They tried to paint Trump red, when they really just got red on themselves, and that’s what’s going on with this witch hunt that’s been going on.” That’s the sort of hot take I would expect to hear from Jason “Hot Take” Chaffetz, not from Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo.

9. Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo does not care for the trend of taking down Confederate statues. “[Next] they’re going to come after George Washington and Jefferson and all those people as well. You’re going to have to get rid of everybody,” said Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo, a man I liked much better when he was sitting quietly in an extremely nontelegenic shirt.

10. Oh, no! Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo may have actually reached out and patted Marie Harf on the knee after she responded to his bad point about the statues! I can’t tell whether or not his hand made contact with her knee, but it definitely came very close. And he did this not once, but twice. He also leaned over and encroached on Harf’s personal space in a way that made me cringe. “I love how the left calls presidents like Trump a ‘Nazi’ … and that means ‘National Socialist.’ That would be the Democrat party,” he informed Harf. I take back all the nice things I have ever said about Kevin “Hercules” Sorbo.