The Slatest

Finally, an NFL Team Has Signed Social Justice Hero and Super Bowl Quarterback Brandon Weeden

Pictured: The typical outcome of a play involving Brandon Weeden.

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After an offseason in which critics said he had been blackballed because of his controversial practice of kneeling during the national anthem to protest police brutality, the Tennesse Titans have signed quarterback Brandon Weeden.

Weeden has thrown 72 touchdowns in his career to only 30 interceptions and holds the all-time NFL record for rushing yards in a playoff game by a quarterback. Team executives’ claims that he’d gone unsigned because he wasn’t a good enough player had become increasingly suspect as visibly inferior QBs like Mike Glennon failed their way through dismal starts; in fact, no other quarterback in at least five years has played as well as Weeden did in 2016 without making a roster to open the following season.

The Titans began looking for an extra signal-caller when their promising third-year starter, Marcus Mariota, suffered a hamstring injury on Sunday. Given that Weeden, like Mariota, is known for his ability as a runner, the team’s offense should be able to make a smooth transition to its new man under center.

Correction, 5:21 p.m.: It turns out Brandon Weeden is in fact Brandon Weeden. We regret the error. Colin Kaepernick remains unsigned.