The Slatest

Trump Wants Border Wall “Transparency” So Drug Traffickers Don’t Hit Anyone Throwing Bags of Drugs Over

A man walks along a glass wall that is not on the southern U.S. border, but in eastern France.

AFP/Getty Images

Ever since Donald Trump Jr. released a series of incriminating Russia emails this week, moments before the New York Times was set to publish a story about said emails, the Trump clan congratulated itself and rallied around its own self-professed transparency on the matter. Extreme transparency!


Because Trump thinks and speaks in monosyllabic word loops, words often appear over and over and over again, sometimes over the course of the same presidential sentence, until Trump has tumbled dried every last drop of meaning out of them. Clearly President Trump wasn’t ready to let “transparency” go just yet and still had it on the brain Wednesday night when he spoke to reporters aboard Air Force One en route to a meeting with French President Macron in Paris.

Like a toddler learning new words, Trump synthesized his new zeal for saying “transparency” with his tried-and-true dedication to all things “the wall.” If you were thinking that Donald Trump wants to ensure the financing and bidding processes for his hypothetical wall are going to be “transparent,” think again. He’s so into transparency these days he wants the wall to be transparent.


Your president of the United States:

“One of the things with the wall is, you need transparency,” Trump said. “You have to be able to see through it. In other words, if you can’t see through the wall—so it could be a steel wall with openings, but you have to have openings because you have to see what’s on the other side of the wall.”

Confused? Give him a moment. Let him explain.

“And I’ll give you an example. As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don’t see them—they hit you in the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over,” Trump said. “As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall.”

I know. This is really happening. Still.