Among the reasons that chief White House strategist Steve Bannon was taken off the National Security Council on Wednesday, apparently, is that Donald Trump is upset that jokesters the world over have been underlining the former Breitbart publisher’s influence on executive branch priorities by calling him “President Bannon.” From the New York Times:
Mr. Bannon’s Svengali-style reputation has chafed on a president who sees himself as the West Wing’s only leading man. Several associates said the president had quietly expressed annoyance over the credit Mr. Bannon had received for setting the agenda — and Mr. Trump was not pleased by the “President Bannon” puppet-master theme promoted by magazines, late-night talk shows and Twitter.
As such, here are some suggestions for said magazines, late-night talk shows, and Twitter about how to begin identifying some other administration-related figures:
- King Mike Pence
- Super-President Reince Priebus
- Fully Omnipotent Fire God/Emperor Tom Price
- Stephen Miller, the Best Golfer in the West Wing
- Sean “the Sole Author of The Art of the Deal” Spicer
- Grand Wizard Jeff Sessions
- “Betsy DeVos, who can change into a huge wolf that has machine guns for hands”
- Real President Sebastian Gorka
- “Sexy” Rex Tillerson
- Ezra “Ezra Watnick-Cohen” Cohen-Watnick
- Pope Devin Nunes II
- Ben Watnick-Carson
- Acclaimed Apprentice Star Kellyanne Conway
- Jared “the Most Successful Real-Estate Developer in New York and Florida” Kushner
And, if we’re all feeling particularly cutting:
- Ivanka “the 70-Year-Old Man Who Defeated Hillary Clinton Even Though Everyone Said He Couldn’t Do It” Trump
Make Trump jealous of enough of these clowns and maybe he’ll fire so many of them that he has to start hiring reasonable people just by necessity, right?
Purge these interlopers, Mr. Big President Man! You’re the only #1 Stud President in town!