Low Concept

This So-Called Supreme Court Nominee

Predicting Donald Trump’s tweets in response to Neil Gorsuch’s insubordination.

Supreme Court nominee Judge Neil Gorsuch meets with Sen. Bob Corker on Thursday, Feb. 2.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Donald Trump’s Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch, currently a federal appeals court judge, told Sen. Richard Blumenthal in a courtesy meeting on Wednesday afternoon that he found President Trump’s tweets attacking a “so-called judge” who ruled against him “demoralizing” and “disheartening.” A spokesman for Gorsuch subsequently confirmed that the judge did indeed use those words to characterize the president’s assault on the judicial branch.

Because we know the president is not about to let the slightest slight go unanswered, we must assume that at this very moment he is shambling around the White House in a bathrobe, fumbling for doorknobs and attempting to craft the perfect response.

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Here are a few attempts to channel Trump’s certain-to-be-upcoming Twitter reply:

Magnanimous Trump:

No reason to be disheartened. I have the biggest heart. The best heart. You’ll see.I respect my judge Neil’s right to  Freedom of speech! How many terrorists streamed in while failing news obsessed over cmmts

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Gorsuch is WRONG on “demoralizing” judge comments but will #MAGA. Easy D!

Enraged Trump:

Any negative judges are FAKE JUDGES. Gorsuch is just like Robart and Curiel. Radical judicial activists!

So-called “judge” Neil Gorsuch weak on national security! I made him famous, this is how he repays. Sad!

Thank you Brian Krzanich, CEO of @Intel. A great investment ($7 BILLION) in American INNOVATION and JOBS! #FuckGorsuch

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Emoluments Trump:

My judge Gorsuch has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. He is a great person – always pushing me to appear normal! Terrible!

Alternate Narrative Trump:

The lying media has made FAKE NEWS about my judge Neil Gorsuch—like a dog!

Alt Right Trump:

Fake Judge Neil Gorsuch is clearly as mentally unstable as RBG. Both should go to New Zealand. Sad!

“@WhiteGenocideTM: @realDonaldTrump Not sure about that Gorsuch guy”

Hostile judge Gorsuch, a hater of Donald J. Trump, is ENGLISH. Cannot be impartial. Must recuse!

Double Down Trump:

Just cannot  believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something happens blame him and court system. People pouring in. Bad!

Conspiracy Theory Trump:

I won popular vote in landslide. Now Gorsuch is being paid by George Soros to call me “disheartening.” Terrible!

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An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that Judge Gorsuch’s birth certificate is a fraud

Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting Gorsuch (check out sex tape) become a U.S. citizen so she could put him on the federal bench?

Loser Neil Gorsuch is “demoralized” by my tweets. Sad! I am President of the United States and he isn’t. And his mom killed JFK.

Confused Bathrobe Trump:

Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattinson should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Gorsuch.

Supreme Court seat still open. Delay, delay, delay.

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Update, Feb. 9, 2017: Donald Trump responded with two tweets on Thursday morning. In the end, the president went with the You Lied About Vietnam and FAKE NEWS combo platter.

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