Donald Trump, the current president of the United States of America and staged writer of tremendous addresses on legal pads with Sharpies, didn’t waste any time rolling out his administration’s rhetorical style in the opening hours of his presidency. In a proclamation signed shortly after being sworn in, that will be officially published Tuesday, Trump declared his Inauguration a “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.” “A new national pride stirs the American soul and inspires the American heart,” the proclamation reads. “Our Constitution is written on parchment, but it lives in the hearts of the American people.” The purple text reads like a patriot erotic romance novel. There were, thankfully, no mentions of America’s collective loins, but it was close.
Here is more of the titillating (patriotically-speaking) call for a day devoted to American awesomeness:
A new national pride stirs the American soul and inspires the American heart. We are one people, united by a common destiny and a shared purpose. Freedom is the birthright of all Americans, and to preserve that freedom we must maintain faith in our sacred values and heritage. Our Constitution is written on parchment, but it lives in the hearts of the American people. There is no freedom where the people do not believe in it; no law where the people do not follow it; and no peace where the people do not pray for it. There are no greater people than the American citizenry, and as long as we believe in ourselves, and our country, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.
To be clear, this is not good writing.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 20, 2017, as National Day of Patriotic Devotion, in order to strengthen our bonds to each other and to our country - - and to renew the duties of Government to the people.
*Correction, Jan. 23, 2017: This post originally misstated that the “National Day of Patriotic Devotion” was on Jan. 20, 2018; it was on Jan. 20, 2017.