The Slatest

The Best Burns, Worst Jokes, and Most Memorable Lines of the First Presidential Debate

Speak up, contenders.

Spencer Platt/Getty Images

Did the hullaballoo surrounding Monday night’s presidential debate drive you to distraction? Don’t call your therapist yet! Whether or not you think Clinton successfully followed this advice for beating Trump—and whether or not you think Trump demonstrated that he can be remotely presidential—these are two candidates who clearly had a lot to say to one another. We’ve rounded up their most memorable remarks here (and praised everything holy that Clinton didn’t make a Pokémon Go joke).

Clinton, explaining how she intends to put money in the pockets of Americans:

We also have to make the economy fairer. That starts with raising the national minimum wage and also guarantee, finally, equal pay for women’s work. I also want to see more companies do profit sharing. If you help create the profits, you should be able to share in them, not just the executives at the top. And I want us to do more to support people who are struggling to balance family and work. I’ve heard from so many of you about the difficult choices you face and the stresses that you’re under. So let’s have paid family leave, earned sick days.

Trump, identifying new landmarks:

When you look at what’s happening in Mexico, a friend of mine who builds plants said it’s the eighth wonder of the world. They’re building some of the biggest plants anywhere in the world, some of the most sophisticated, some of the best plants.

Clinton, bringing the cringe-worthy wordplay:

The kind of plan that Donald has put forth would be trickle-down economics all over again. In fact, it would be the most extreme version, the biggest tax cuts for the top percent of the people in this country than we’ve ever had. I call it Trumped-up trickle-down, because that’s exactly what it would be.

Trump, interrupting Clinton to explain why he said in 2006 that he hoped the housing market would collapse:

That’s called business, by the way.

Trump, showing his keen mind for figures:

The Obama administration, from the time they’ve come in, is over 230 years worth of debt, and he’s topped it. He’s doubled it in the course of almost eight years. 7 1/2 years, to be semi-exact.

Clinton, speaking to Trump across the transdimensional divide:

Donald, I know you live in your own reality, but those are not the facts.

Trump, military historian:

Just go to her website: She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don’t think general Douglas MacArthur would like that too much … You’re telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you’ve been fighting ISIS your entire adult life.

Trump, saying … something about the Fed:

And we have a Fed that’s doing political things. This Janet Yellen of the fed. The Fed is doing political by keeping the interest rates at this level.

Trump, trying to make a deal, a thing that he is, by his own admission, very good at:

I will release my tax returns against my lawyers’ wishes when she releases her 33,000 emails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release.

Trump, respond to Clinton’s claim that he didn’t pay any federal income tax:

That makes me smart.

Clinton, continuing to puzzle over Trump’s tax returns:

I have no reason to believe that he’s ever going to release his tax returns, because there’s something he’s hiding. And we’ll guess. We’ll keep guessing at what it might be that he’s hiding, but I think the question is, were he ever to get near the White House, what would be those conflicts? Who does he owe money to?

Clinton, laying into Trump’s business record:

I can only say that I’m certainly relieved that my late father never did business with you.

Trump, explaining why he’s happy to exploit loopholes:

Now, if you want to change the laws, you’ve been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation. Because I’m running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that’s what I do.

Trump, legal scholar, on stop and frisk case history:

It went before a judge who was a very against police judge. It was taken away from her, and our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won on appeal.

Clinton, on systemic racism:

Too many young African American and Latino men ended up in jail for nonviolent offenses, and it’s just a fact that if you’re a young African American man, and you do the same thing as a young white man, you are more likely to be arrested, charged, convicted and incarcerated. We’ve got to address the systemic racism in our criminal justice system. We cannot just say “law and order.”

Clinton, on whether “police are implicitly biassed against black people”:

I think it’s a problem for everyone, not just police. I think unfortunately, too many of us in our great country jump to conclusions about each other.

Clinton, on what she’s ready for:

I think Donald just criticized me for preparing for this debate. And yes, I did. And you know what else I prepared for? I prepared to be president. And I think that’s a good thing.

Trump, on what he has to say to those offended by his birtherism:

Well, I say nothing, because I was able to get him to produce it. He should have produced it a long time before. I say nothing.

Clinton, on Trump’s “birther lie”:

Donald started his career back in 1973 being sued by the justice department for racial discrimination. Because he would not rent apartments in one of his developments to African-Americans and he made sure that the people who worked for him, understood that was the policy. He actually was sued twice by the justice department. So he has a long record of engaging in racist behavior. And the birther lie was a very hurtful one.

Trump, showing sensitivity to all body types while exploring the attribution problem:

It could have been Russia. It could be China. It could be someone sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds.

Trump, showing where he gets his knowledge about “the cyber” from:

I have a son, he’s 10 years old. He has computers, he’s so good with these computers it’s unbelievable. The security aspect of cyber is very very tough. And maybe it’s hardly doable.

Clinton, on the strategic cost of Trump’s remarks:

We’ve got to do everything we can to vacuum up intelligence from Europe, from the Middle East. That means we have to work more closely with our allies. That’s something that Donald has been very dismissive of. … We’re working with our friends in the Middle East, many of which, as you know, are Muslim majority nations. Donald has consistently insulted Muslims abroad, Muslims at home, when we need to be cooperating with Muslim nations and with the American Muslim community. They’re on the front lines, they can provide information to us that we might not get anywhere else.

Trump, offering evidence that he has a “much better temperament” than Clinton:

[T]he other day, behind the blue screen, I don’t know who you were talking to, Secretary Clinton, but you were totally out of control. I said, there’s a person where a temperament that’s got a problem.

Trump, offering calm wisdom to an anxious nation:

I would certainly not do first strike. I think once the nuclear alternative happens, it’s over.

Clinton, on Trump’s understanding of geopolitics:

If he’s going to criticize a deal that has been very successful … then he should tell us what his alternative would be. But it’s like his plan to defeat ISIS. He says it’s a secret plan, but the only secret is that he has no plan.

Trump, responding to a question on his earlier claim about Clinton not having a presidential look:

You have so many different things you have to be able to do, and I don’t believe that Hillary has the stamina.

Clinton, on stamina:

Well, as soon as he travels to 112 countries and negotiates a peace deal, a cease-fire, a release of dissidents, an opening of new opportunities and nations around the world, or even spends 11 hours testifying in front of a congressional committee, he can talk to me about stamina.

Clinton, discussing Trump’s love for beauty contests and his record on women:

And one of the worst things he said was about a woman in a beauty contest. He loves beauty contests, supporting them and hanging around them. And he called this woman Miss Piggy. Then he called her Miss Housekeeping, because she was Latina. Donald, she has a name.

This post was updated with new information after it was originally published.

Read more Slate coverage of the 2016 campaign.