The Slatest

Today’s Trump Apocalypse Watch: Trump5000 Computes Odds of Trumpdom

Trump5000 undergoes maintenance.

Via WikiCommons.

Donald Trump news machine generates list of Donald Trump news to determine likelihood of Donald Trump presidency.

  • Donald Trump: Rejected by Donald Trump disliking billionaire Charles Koch.
  • Donald Trump: Uses rhetorically violent language expressed in non-serious manner to demonstrate frustration with critics including “very little guy” previously praised and not described as little by Donald Trump.
  • Donald Trump: Gross Domestic Product growth for the second quarter in current year of non-Trump presidency is at anemic rate of 1.2 percentile points.
  • Donald Trump: Trails in new measurement of race with presidential rival Hillary Clinton by five percentile points when measured by tracking company Reuters Ipsos over period of days July 25-29.
  • Donald Trump: Tied in new measurement of race with presidential rival Hillary Clinton 37-37 when measured by tracking company Reuters Ipsos over period of days July 25-29 in contest that includes lesser presidential rivals Gary Earl Johnson and Jill Ellen Stein.
  • Donald Trump: Loses most recent legal dispute with employees of Donald Trump’s The Trump Organization.
  • Donald Trump: Trails in new measurement of race with presidential rival Hillary Clinton by one percentile point in state of the American union, Missouri, which is normally a location of reliable victory for Donald Trump’s Republican Party during contests between presidential rivals of the two major political parties.
  • Donald Trump: Once wore funny Russian hat.

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Donald Trump news machine computing results.

Processing.

Processing.

Processing.

Donald Trump news machine determines likelihood of Donald Trump presidency has not diminished or increased in past 24 hour period.

Entering sleep mode. [Beeuuuushhmph—Ping.]

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images, Wikimedia Commons

Read more Slate coverage of the 2016 campaign.

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