The Slatest

Today’s Trump Apocalypse Watch: Why Aren’t We Talking About Trump’s (Alleged) Hairpiece?

Trump’s hair in Iowa on Jan. 31.

Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

The Trump Apocalypse Watch is a subjective daily estimate, using a scale of one to four horsemen, of how likely it is that Donald Trump will be elected president, thus triggering an apocalypse in which we all die.

I don’t understand why Gawker’s investigative report about Donald Trump’s hair is not the major national news story of the moment. Trump’s absurd hair is the synecdoche of his entire being, easily the most memorable thing about him, his avatar; he has claimed ardently for years that it’s real and not a wig. He has basically staked his entire reputation on the claim that his hair is real. Press scrutiny of his dishonest claims about other subjects, meanwhile, has been constant for months. And Gawker’s Ashley Feinberg has uncovered some pretty god-dang solid evidence that Trump’s “hair” consists largely of “microcylinder” extensions:


This solution that Trump, our tipster says, sought for his hair woes is a little-known, patented hair restoration treatment called a “microcylinder intervention.” It’s only performed by one clinic that we know of—Ivari International—where our source once sought treatment, and where he says he learned of Trump’s apparent patronage. What’s more, Ivari’s New York location was inside Trump Tower—on the private floor reserved for Donald Trump’s own office.

While there is no direct evidence to confirm the source’s claim that Trump paid Ivari International for hair extensions, Gawker argues persuasively that the process described and pictured in Ivari’s own patents and promotional materials would seem to explain the unusual characteristics of Trump’s coif. But the real kicker is this: Ivari International’s business was located on the same floor as Donald Trump’s office.


Before this most recent message appeared, though, an archived copy of the website from April of 1997 shows that Ivari had previously listed itself as located on the 25th floor of none other than Trump Tower … As luck would have it, Donald Trump’s office was—and as far as we can tell, still is—also located on the 25th floor.

How about that, huh?

I’m afraid that America is developing Trump Bullshit Fatigue. There’s just too much of it to keep track of.

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images, Wikimedia Commons