President Obama did not hide his joy that Saturday marked his last White House Correspondents’ Dinner. For his final foray into stand-up comedian land at the Washington Hilton, Obama delivered a relatively solid performance. It was far from his best but the president still managed to utter a few funny lines. And no one was spared, including Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Like the best comedians, Obama also turned the spotlight on himself, making several jokes about his post–White House life and his age.
Without further ado, Obama’s best jokes of the night:
- “I was running on CPT, which stands for jokes that white people should not make.”
- “Eight years ago I said it was time to change the tone of politics, in hindsight I really should have been more specific.”
- “Hillary once wondered if I’d be ready for a 3 a.m. phone call. Now I’m awake anyway ‘cause I have to go to the bathroom.”
- “While in England, I did have lunch with the Queen, took in a performance of Shakespeare, hit the links with David Cameron. In case anyone is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate.”
- “Savannah Guthrie left the White House press corps to host The Today Show. Nora O’Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning. Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN.”
- “As you know, Spotlight is a film about investigative journalists with the resources, the autonomy, to chase down the truth and hold the powerful accountable. Best fantasy film since Star Wars.”
- “GOP Chairman Reince Priebus is here as well. Glad to see that you feel you’ve earned a night off. Congratulations on all your success! The Republican Party, the nomination process—it’s all going great. Keep it up!”
- “I am hurt though, Bernie, that you’ve been distancing yourself a little from me. I mean, that’s just not something that you do to your comrade.”
- “Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative signing up for Facebook. ‘Dear America, Did you get my poke? Is it appearing on your wall? I’m not sure I’m using this right. Love, Aunt Hilary.’ It’s not entirely persuasive.”
- “I am a little hurt [Donald Trump] is not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising. You’ve got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras, and he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he at home, eating a Trump steak, tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel?”
- “There is one area where The Donald’s experience could be useful, and that is closing Guantanamo—Donald knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.”
The best part though came at the end. “I would like to close on these two words: Obama out,” the president said before literally dropping the mic.