The Slatest

Chris Christie Introduces Donald Trump, in What Appears to Be a Hostage Situation

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie does not seem to enjoy serving as Donald Trump’s hype man. Like, not at all. Jesus. Do you see any hint of joy as he introduces Trump at his press conference in Palm Beach, Florida, tonight? Have you ever seen Chris Christie read a speech, from notes? This is a hostage who is reading a statement with a gun pressed to his back. Say the classy thing, Chris. Make it terrific. Or else.

Here is a brief excerpt of Christie’s chilling opening:


Tonight is the beginning of Donald Trump bringing the Republican Party together for a big victory this November. Tonight is the beginning of Donald Trump bringing the people of our nation together to help America win again. And tonight, in all those states who supported Mr. Trump today, all the ones who voted across this country, our message is to begin to get ready for the fight that is coming this fall.

And yes, these words were delivered in the flat, monotonous, joyless, unsmiling way that they appear in that transcript. Did Trump hypnotize this guy? Does he “have something” on Christie? Is a cabinet position, or the vice presidency, really worth another second of this?

Chris, please blink twice if the blowhard is hurting you. We have people on the inside. We can help.