A giant, marauding spy blimp—specifically, a blimp from the Army’s Joint Land Attack Cruise Missile Defense Elevated Netted Sensor System (JLENS)—came untethered today and has been marauding over the East Coast for hours, knocking out power lines and terrifying the citizenry with its marauding malevolence. In other news:
- South Carolina officer Ben Fields was fired for throwing a high school student across a classroom during a Monday incident caught on video.
- The manager of the Kansas City Royals said that, at the request of pitcher Edinson Volquez’s wife, Volquez was not told that his father died Tuesday until after he left yesterday night’s World Series game.
- The commissioner of the NYPD, Bill Bratton, condemned the NRA’s “stranglehold” on gun laws.
- Slate campaign ace Josh Voorhees previewed tonight’s GOP debate, which is the first since Ben Carson started whooping on Donald Trump.
- And two NFL players were fined for, respectively, wearing purple cleats to symbolize support for domestic violence victims and writing a message about breast cancer in eyeblack. The first player’s mother was killed in an act of domestic violence and the second player’s mother died of breast cancer.
Have a good day out there.