The Slatest

Welp, There Goes My Bracket

Aw, man! Geez!


Something just happened—and it’s so noteworthy I need to tell you about it in a loud and aggrieved, if slightly resigned, tone of voice.

There I was, watching a basketball game on television between two collegiate teams with which I am vaguely familiar. Well, I mean, I wasn’t exactly watching it, but I was definitely checking on the score pretty regularly whenever I got up to go to the bathroom or to Jason’s desk. Anyway, there I was, seriously considering getting up to catch the end of the game, when suddenly I overheard someone saying that it was over. And get this: The team that I had predicted on a hunch would win the game did not in fact win the game.

I can’t believe it. I spent literally seconds researching that team before I picked them to win. Plus my cousin knows them really well. He watched them like four times this year because his favorite team plays in their same conference.

It gets worse. You see, I didn’t just pick that team to win this one game. I filled out a whole entire “bracket” of predictions for an office-wide contest, and in that bracket I had them—the team that just lost—winning the next game too. And the game after that! Now they’re not going to be winning any of those games. Some other team is going to win them, and guess whose bracket is going to be totally screwed when that happens. That’s right: mine. The most important bracket in the world, and now it’s out the window. Busted. Might as well tear it up right now and throw it in the trash.

And then tell you about it.