The World

The Taliban Weighs in on the Government Shutdown 

Most foreign governments, even vaguely hostile ones, seem to have avoided explicitly crowing over Washington’s latest mishaps. After all, the global economic spillover effects of an ongoing shutdown could be bad for everybody. The Taliban, however, has no such hesitations.

In a new “weekly analysis,” the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan notes that “some of the government institutions are paralyzed inside Washington D.C. for a whole week e.g. national museums, the statue of liberty and national parks.”

The Taliban explains that Republicans are opposed to the president’s healthcare plan because “most of the wealthy Americans belong to their group,” though the Afghan militants aren’t really big fans of either side in this debate.

“The selfish and empty minded American leaders, on one side, squeeze the blood of their own people; snatch their income, earned with great difficulty, in the name of taxes and various other excuses and then, on the other side, lavishly spent the same money in shedding the blood of the innocent and oppressed people and creating problems for them,” they argue. “Instead of sucking the blood of their own people and snatching the money earned with the sweat of their forehead and then spend it on killing, torturing and irritating the oppressed people, especially the Afghans; this money should be utilized for the sake of peace and harmony of their own masses as well as for the tranquility of other peoples.”

Thanks for the suggestion, guys.

The Taliban’s propagandists may simply be frustrated that at this point, they’re not capable of inflicting anything on the U.S. government nearly as disruptive as what’s happened over the last two weeks.