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Kim Jong-Un Married: Officially off Single Dictators Market

If there’s one cardinal rule of statesmanship, it’s that nothing takes a nation’s mind off of crippling poverty, widespread famine and crushing fascist oppression … like a good state wedding!  At least that’s what enigmatic kid dictator Kim Jong-un seems to think, as the supreme leader released news he has married a woman identified as Ri Sol-Ju.

The mystery woman was first seen alongside Un at various state functions, including a performance of North Korea’s Moranbong band—which featured a cast of Disney characters . Now, you know you nation is internationally isolated when even Disney’s copyright lawyers lack intervention authority.

Forgoing the Kate and William fairy-tale affair, the marriage was simply announced over state TV. Some analysts theorize that the personal announcement indicates a more open, western leadership style from the cherubic chief.  Regardless, playing with rockets, getting hitched, personal off-brand entertainment … Kim Jong-un certainly showing “It’s good to be da king!”