Everybody, take a hold of something firm, and down your meds. Neil Munro has obtained a document.

The teleprompter script for tonight’s speech by President Barack Obama is still a secret, but the White House’s script for spinning reporters, bloggers, and their audiences has been leaked to The Daily Caller… White House officials distributed a set of talking points early Thursday to guide Democratic legislators and advocacy groups who will be filling up the airwaves, Internet message boards and printing presses before and after Obama’s speech tonight to a joint session of Congress… The White House talking points, as leaked to TheDC, are below…

What follows are nine talking points that look a whole lot like the ones Greg Sargent posted at his blog three hours before TheDC. They actually reveal very little, even if you scour them. The hint at “bipartisan” solutions suggests we’re going to hear more about the payroll tax cut. The line about “obstruction and gridlock” could point to some rare Obama clarity about who’s being held up (Fed nominees!), or it could be more pablum.

But make up your own mind. Here are the talking points, which I may or may not have obtained after a gunfight on top of Reichenbach falls, and after jumping with a knife in my teeth to grab the briefcase in which the document was contained.

The American Jobs Act is:

— based on bi-partisan ideas;

— it is fully paid for by closing corporate tax loopholes and asking the wealthiest Americans to pay their fair share; and

— it will have an impact on job and economic growth NOW — just as soon as Congress acts.

— Every day, people in this country are working hard to meet their responsibilities. The question now is whether Washington will meet theirs.

— The time for obstruction and gridlock is over. Congress needs to put country ahead of politics.

— The American people know that the economic crisis and the deep recession weren’t created overnight and won’t be solved overnight. The economic security of the American middle class has been under attack for decades.

— That’s why President Obama believes we need to do more than just recover from this economic crisis.

— The President is rebuilding the economy the American way — based on balance, fairness and the same set of rules for everyone from Wall Street to Main Street where hard work and responsibility pay and gaming the system is penalized.

— It’s an American economy that’s built to last and creates the jobs of the future, by forcing Washington to live within its means so we can invest in small business entrepreneurs, education, and making things the world buys, not outsourcing, loopholes and reckless financial deals that put middle class security at risk.