Write Your Own Angry Debt Deal Denunciation!

Last week, reporters were on the hunt for angry Republicans who wouldn’t raise the debt limit. Today, the focus will turn to angry liberals, who can’t believe that this deal is happening. Rep. Raul Grijalva, D-Ariz., got the game started with a skin-peeling statement about how the deal betrayed the party and country he loved. Rep. Emmanuel Cleaver, D-Mo., called the deal a “sugar-coated Satan sandwich.”

Realistically, progressives have maybe 10 hours to send out their own furious statements about the sell-out. I’ve done a little work to get them started.


I am [outraged/fed up/fixin’ to vomit] at the news of this [sellout/betrayal/Chekovian drama of political adultery]. While I have yet to see all the details of this plan, it may be the worst piece of legislation since [the Kansas/Nebraska compromise/the Enabling Act/the one that renamed a rest stop in New Jersey after Howard Stern]. We all agree that the deficit needs to be reduced, but it should not be done [on the backs of our seniors/in the dead of night/until we reach 4 percent unemployment again]. Instead, we Democrats are being asked to support a [Satan sandwich/Hitler hoagie/bin Laden banh mi], with a [mayonnaise of betrayal/chipotle glaze of mistrust/pesto of austerity]. If this is passed, our president – whom I [supported/strongly supported/had to suck it up and support, even though I liked Hillary Clinton and saw all this crap coming, because if I didn’t the Daily Kos comment section would have made me out to be a racist, and I’m totally not] – risks becoming a new [Jimmy Carter/Grover Cleveland/Emperor Palpatine]. Let’s [go back to the drawing board/head back to the table/find some new sand, draw a line in it, and borrow a can from my friend Bruce that we can kick around]. America can do [better than/slightly better than/not quite as terrible as] this.