Morning News: Very Special Episodes

Here are the topics the Washington Post’s website was identifying as this morning’s leading news stories:

Is this August? Except for the tornadoes—a surprising, violent event—none of these things are news. It’s all worn-out franchises trying to make a Media Event to revive (or wrap up) a failing story line. What is the Venn diagram for giving a crap about the various scripted little funnel clouds of interest? The British monarchy has outlasted the American space flight program. The Carolina Panthers select Prince William to replace Prince Charles at the Dunder Mifflin Washington Post, with a surprise guest appearance by Donald Trump. Are we still in Libya or whatever?