CB2: Furniture That Says “I Hate Words”

Crate & Barrel’s hipster-furnishings spinoff,


, doesn’t break much new ground, design-wise. But it is at the cutting edge of the debasement of the English language. Not since J. Crew replaced the perfectly useful and specific names of colors with lists of absurd nouns (“Fern”! “Bark”!) has a retailer worked so hard to position itself as the go-to brand for pretentious subliterates. The copy reads like a transcript of a fired New York Post headline writer trying to pick up junior-high-school art students via text message: “Linen light box in grey+yellow=grellow glows with just a peek of monochromatic feet at the X-base”…”Sleek steel pullup table retros forward to side sofa, chair, bed.”

Here are some words that appear in the current catalog. All but two are used as verbs. Can you spot the nouns?

A. “scaffolds”

B. “lift”

C. “tables”

D. “pedestals”

E. “top”

F. “reveal”

G. “starburst”

H. “nests”

(Answer: “Lift” and “reveal” are used as nouns.)