306 Syllables on Sotomayor

The Senate judiciary committee explains its votes in haiku form.

It’s a good thing there were yet more speeches today at the Senate judiciary committee’s hearing on Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. God knows, it’s been a well-kept secret how each senator was poised to vote. The final tally was 13-6 in support of Sotomayor, although there were only 18 speeches (Jon Kyl, R-Ariz., did not speak). For those who missed the proceedings, the following are summaries of each of the senators’ speeches as offered this morning—in haiku form.


Patrick Leahy, D-Vt.
Republicans call
Her failure to make new law
Activism.” Bah!

Jeff Sessions, R-Ala.
A wise Latina
Would set aside her bias
She just can’t do it

Herb Kohl, D-Wis.
She just won’t answer
This is not conversation
I vote to confirm


Orrin Hatch, R-Utah
Her speeches and words
Show a disturbing approach
She’s never resolved

DianneFeinstein, D-Calif.
What Sonia has done
Is so very impressive
So I am impressed

Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa
Pit in my stomach
Ricci, Maloney, Didden
Too biased to judge

Russell Feingold, D-Wis.
Theater this is
She dodged all of our questions
But still I vote yea

Lindsey Graham, R-S.C.
Law’s a quiet place
Where unpopular may hope
Young Latinas dream


Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y.
Many opinions
Yet they look outside record
Shout  outside mainstream

John Cornyn, R-Texas
We now all agree
Judges channel the Framers
Empathy is toast

Dick Durbin, D-Ill.
Guys ‘n’ gals differ
It’s not that one is biased
We just come that way

Tom Coburn, R-Okla.
She wouldn’t defend
The wise Latina comment
So I must vote no

Ben Cardin, D-Md.
Wise Latina thing
It was raised seventeen times
I think she gets it

Sheldon Whitehouse, D-R.I.
I cannot find fault
With empathy in judges
Courts are the last stand

Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn.
A prosecutor
Badass on white collar crime
Tough chick. Just like me.

Edward Kaufman, D-Del.
Financial markets—
Let me say it one more time:
Financial markets

Arlen Specter, D-Pa.
Ethnic pride is good
But this is not me crying
It’s just the chemo

Al Franken, D-Minn.
Roberts Court trashes
Protections for you and me
Now that’s activist!