Keeping Tabs

Teri Hatcher and George Clooney?

Plus, is TomKat over or what?

Are Tom and Katie really over? Last week, Life & Style proclaimed the Cruise-Holmes relationship dead—and on Valentine’s Day! This week the competitors gang up, contending that the enthusiastic pair is still together. When Cruise attended the funeral of a friend’s father in Australia, he and Holmes were photographed all over the country (eliciting many a cluck-cluck about a pregnant woman in her third trimester jetting across the globe). Star even lands an interview, kind of, with Cruise: “I’m thrilled and excited! … We’re here together!”Life & Style sticks by its guns, though, boasting of “a Hollywood insider” who confirms the tab’s account of the split and quoting another “insider” who says, “When they were just walking along, they had stone faces … But every time they spotted a camera, they lit up. It was like they were putting on a performance.”People thinks all’s well: “The only bump in their relationship is large, round and expected to arrive by May.”

Ain’t saying Nick Lachey’s a gold digger …
The Simpson-Lachey legal filings have been made public, and the tabs are in a tizzy about Nick’s lawyer’s decision to reserve the right to seek spousal support. Apparently the move took the Simpson team by surprise: “Nick might as well have punched her in the gut, because that’s how she felt,” Star hears from “a source.” Us says that Lachey’s machinations have already drawn the ire of moral arbiter/ superfreak Jamie Foxx, who told Entertainment Tonight, “A real man doesn’t do those kinds of things.”

Teri Hatcher is “loony-swoony-moon-in-June-y over George Clooney”!
That quote comes from the Enquirer, but rival magazines are just as excited by the tabloid-dynamite possibility that a Desperate housewifemight be dating a movie star. Star’s headline: “George & Teri: It’s Real and It’s HOT!” One jokester on the set of Housewives reportedly said, “Teri, you going out tonight? Well, good night, and good luck!” Yuk yuk yuk.

Is Britney ready to snap? Well, she does say that she’s happy … Life & Style offers a lesson in how tabs will twist the meaning of any celebrity utterance, bringing in a shrink to translate some recent public statements by Britney Spears. “WHAT BRIT SAID: ‘I have a beautiful home, a wonderful family, supportive, loving people around me.’ WHAT SHE MEANT: ‘It’s interesting that she doesn’t say “my husband” ’ notes [L.A. psychologist Dr. Yvonne] Thomas. ‘It’s a big omission. Leaving Kevin out of this list is very subconscious. It could be indicative that there’s resentment toward him.’ “

Johnny Weir makes no apologies. Us says that the flamboyant figure skater has gotten into hot water for running his mouth and “dissing judges (he referred to the Eastern Europeans as ‘Furry old women’). ‘I stand by everything I’ve said,’ he tells Us.”

Can Dr. Phil save Britney’s marriage?
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have begun seeing a marriage counselor, and Star says it’s all thanks to Dr. Phil McGraw. The tab says that the couple met with the mustachioed TV guru in person and have followed up by attending counseling with a Phil-recommended psychologist. There’s a nicely stern denial from Spears’ rep: “They have never spoken to Dr. Phil.”

Heather Locklear, Richie Sambora, and the woman who came between them.
Star rehashes the Sambora-Locklear split, mostly because it found a 1999 picture of the supposed “other woman,” Sambora’s ex-assistant, walking between the pair. An arrow excitedly points out “THE WOMAN WHO CAME BETWEEN THEM!” Clever. The article also says Locklear “is worth an estimated $60 million.” What?! Is that a typo? Jeez, how much did LAX and T.J. Hooker pay? Does she have some massive piece of Dynasty or Melrose Place back-end? And if so, why did she star in a Hilary Duff movie last year?