Keeping Tabs

Chelsea vs. Hillary

Plus, is Angelina toying with the paparazzi?

Angelina’s pregnant! (Or not.) She’s getting married to Brad! (Or not.)
The tabs are all over the place with their Angelina Jolie coverage this week. Us’ cover story says that there’ll be no wedding to Brad Pitt any time soon, quoting a rather muddled-sounding “source close to the actress” who says, “She wants to be married desperately, but is addicted to her independence.” Us also shoots down pregnancy rumors; of the photos that made gossips think they saw a bump, “a source” says, “She would totally play games with [photographers] just for fun. That’s how she is.” Star, on the other hand, says the pair are on “the eve of their nuptials … which, sources say, could happen any day”; and Life & Style is downright cocky, describing the actress as “Mom-to-be Angelina Jolie” and claiming that she called Jennifer Aniston herself to give her the news.

How the anonymously sourced sausage is made.
Testimony from Paris Hilton’s former publicist, Rob Shuter, offers a rare look inside the gossip-making factory. Paris Hilton is being sued for slander and libel after allegedly making up a story about Zeta Graff, the ex-girlfriend of her former fiance Paris Latsis, and then planting the story in the New York Post’s “Page Six” gossip column, which often relies on anonymous sources. Shuter testifies that Hilton directed him to tell the Post a story about being attacked by Graff in a London club, and that all the “sources” in the article—”one source,” “one observer,” “our source,” “a spokesman for Hilton,” and “Paris” herself—are in fact Shuter himself, relaying information from Hilton. Hilton has reportedly admitted under oath to making up the story—according to a source “close to the case” quoted by “Page Six” on Tuesday.

Chelsea vs. Hillary
The Enquirer claims there’s a mother-daughter tussle over Chelsea Clinton’s latest beau. The tab reports that she’s dating the son of “disgraced ex-congressman” Ed Mezvinsky, who is currently serving a nearly seven-year jail stint for fraud. According to the magazine, Chelsea’s beau wanted her to visit his dad at the Federal Prison Camp in Montgomery, Ala., but Hillary was having none of it. A “source” says “with Hillary’s political ambitions and them only just getting over the Monica Lewinsky scandal, they can’t afford to be associated with a con man doing time—and they insist Chelsea has to understand that.”

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, stronger than ever.
The tabs back away from last week’s pessimistic coverage of l’affaire Vaughniston. Now “an Aniston insider” tells Life & Style that, “She’s told Vince he’s the only man for her,” and a rash of pictures of the two smiling at a spa leaves InTouch concluding that the relationship is extremely serious; one of Vince’s “friends” reasons: “What guy in his right mind goes to spas?” (Star says they registered at the spa as “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” yuk yuk yuk.)

Celebrity cellulite special!
Those meanies at the National Enquirer have another week of “Star Flaws,” this one focused entirely on cellulite. The cruelest comments follow. To “Hefty Helen” Hunt: “It looks like your butt is made of Jelly!” To Nicolette Sheridan: “better keep running—straight to the gym!” To Pamela Anderson: “look at those cottage cheese thighs!” To “Meaty Mischa” Barton: “TheOC star took a swim in a sea of tapioca pudding on her way to Orange County.”

TomKat polling at an all-time low.
Star publishes a poll (with, as usual, no mention of sample size or methodology) saying that 84 percent of people prefer Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban as a couple to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and that 78 percent think “UrbMan” will outlast TomKat. And the Aussies haven’t even held a joint press conference yet! Life & Style says TomKat spent a disastrous holiday with Holmes’ parents; “a close friend of the 43-year-old actor” says “the tension in the air was stifling” after Katie’s father laid out his objections to the Scientology-mad couple. “Katie was in tears, but that’s standard when it comes to dealing with family matters and Katie,” says the friend.

Oprah’s Choice: dogs or condo?
InTouch reports that Oprah Winfrey is in trouble with her neighbors. It seems her five pooches violate her Chicago apartment building’s one-pet-per-unit rule. A “pal” says, “Oprah loves her dogs more than she loves her condo, so if left with no other choice she’d move before she ever got rid of her pets.” But a rare on-the-record source, building manager Judy Roytek, says the whole kerfuffle is much ado about nothing: “There is a one-pet-per-unit policy, but Oprah owns four units. … She is never here with more than two dogs. … If any of the residents have any questions, they can come and ask me what the rules are!”