Keeping Tabs

Paris Hilton: Secret Sex Fiend?

Plus, more from this week’s tabloids.

Vanity Fair

Paris Hilton may in fact be sexual. Star takes umbrage at the cover story of the October issue of Vanity Fair, in which Paris claims, “I think I’m sexual in pictures and the way I dress … but at home I’m really not like that.” Retorts the tab: “Not so, says a Paris insider!” A “source who dated Paris on-and-off for nearly a year” tells Star that “[s]he’s the most sexual girl I’ve ever dated. … We did it in every bathroom, every changing room, every bar, every nook and cranny we could get into. She’s even had sex in clubs, in open view of people.”

Us

Britney delivers! On Wednesday, Britney Spears gave birth via C-section to a baby boy. This week’s tabs missed the delivery, though Us was the first to post the news online, reporting that “husband/aspiring rapper” Kevin Federline was “by her side.”Us’s prebirth print article offers an optimistic glimpse of the future. A “source close to Federline” says the former backup dancer will release his rap album in January, and “he expects it to sell 1 million copies within the first month.”

Star

Emperor Oprah. Star follows Life & Style’s two-week-old dish about Tom Cruise’s attempt to convert Oprah Winfrey to Scientology by asking, “Is Oprah a Secret Scientologist ALREADY?” Evaluating Oprah’s standing in the world-historical firmament, Star describes her as “the biggest ‘get’ since the emperor Constantine ditched the ancient gods of Rome in favor of Christianity back in the fourth century.” Nevertheless, the tab concludes that conversion is “not likely.”

Enquirer

Jessica Alba, real-life superhero. The Enquirer writes that Fantastic Four’s Sue Storm saved the day when a flight she was on was delayed because “an SUV-sized guy couldn’t shoe-horn his fat butt into a coach seat.” To get the flight off the ground, Alba “paid to bump the guy up to a much-wider First Class seat—but insisted she didn’t want him told she’d been his Good Samaritan.”

Sandra Bullock gets cuddly—and chubby?
The Speed star shared a quiet moment on the beach with her new husband, Monster Garage’s motorcycle guru Jesse James. The couple, who wed in July, were spotted by “a passing beachgoer,” who took the time to interpret the couple’s body language for Us. “He wrapped his arms around her. … And it looked like she treated him like a prized possession,” reports the passerby. Star calls the twosome “Lovey & Chubby!” in a headline and quotes “a source close to the 5’$2 7” actress” as saying, “Since getting married to Jesse, [Bullock] seems less concerned with being thin.”

InTouch

Renée Zellweger, not happier than ever. Renée Zellweger filed to annul her four-month-old wedding to country singer Kenny Chesney on Wednesday, a story that broke too late for the tabs. Star can crow about a prescient story in this week’s issue headlined, “Renee & Kenny: Why Are They NEVER Together?”Life & Style and InTouch, though, are eating crow: L&S calls Zellweger “happily married,” while InTouch’s two-page spread features the tag line: “Renée: ‘I’m happier than ever.’ “

Life & Style

Nick and Jessica switch bodies. Life & Style says the couple’s customary roles have flipped in the last month. Nick Lachey’s career has taken off (he appears on ESPN’s College GameDay), while “[Jessica Simpson’s] phone isn’t exactly ringing off the hook.” Despite the box-office success of The Dukes of Hazzard, Simpson’s movie career isn’t going anywhere; a “friend” says that she’s “only been offered bimbo roles—and nothing with any real money attached.”