Keeping Tabs

Plumbing Troubles

The toilet that broke up Brad and Jen, plus more from this week’s tabloids.

The toilet did it. Star trumpets its “World Exclusive! The Toilet That Destroyed Brad & Jen’s Marriage!” The tab has it from “a source in the world of architecture” that “an argument over a toilet may have helped send Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s marriage down the drain.” It seems that Pitt wanted to install a stainless-steel toilet and sink from an old jailhouse, but Aniston didn’t share his enthusiasm for the prison crapper. Star notes that “Reps for both deny the toilet tale.”

Britney Spears ruins summer camp. For the second year in a row, the singer won’t be making an appearance at the Britney Spears Camp for the Performing Arts. Last year, she had a knee injury; this year, “a Spears pal” maintains, “she is about to give birth and can’t fly across the country!” But Us also has “one source” asserting that the camp is ‘just a tax break for Britney. … She doesn’t care about disappointing the kids.’ “

In Touch reads Jennifer Aniston’s mind.”An insider” is the magazine’s sole source for its sensational “exclusive” cover story: The cover reads “Jen’s WARNING to Angelina: The tell-all letter to the woman who stole her husband.” The story begins, “Staring at the blank piece of paper, Jennifer Aniston thought about all the pain Angelina Jolie has caused her in recent months. Her mind flooded with images. …” The tab claims that the letter was written on the advice of Aniston’s therapist and never sent.

TomKat rolls onward.
Cute pictures of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise cuddling on the set of Mission: Impossible 3 have all the celebrity weeklies gushing. “Who said it wouldn’t last?” People asks. Uh, you did. (Back in May, polls in Us and People showed that a majority of readers believed the relationship to be a sham.)

Johnny Depp has girlish fingers.
Star has it from “sources” that the makers of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels are seeking a hand double with more ” ‘pirate-worthy’ paws than their slim-fingered star” for close-ups in fight scenes. Depp ” ‘has very feminine hands …’ a film source says. ‘It’s posed a bit of a problem for them.’ ”

The tabs urge Brad and Angelina to marry. Now that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are officially divorced, Star wants to know “When Will He Marry Angelina?”Life & Style’s cover crows: “Angelina calls Brad ‘My Husband!’ ” The story quotes an antique dealer who says that Angelina Jolie mentioned “my husband” while browsing in his store. Not to be outdone by Star, which accosted Jolie in Whole Foods last week and congratulated her on adopting a baby, Life & Style promptly bought the $750 Western poster that Jolie had admired in the antique shop and presented it as an “engagement gift to the happy couple.” (They wound up with exclusive pictures of Jolie accepting the present.) “Angie,” as L&S calls her, reportedly said, ” ‘You just made my day!’ “

Pamela Anderson loves dogs. In Touch reports “Animal lover Pamela Anderson took her penchant for pets—and weddings—to the next level when she had her two dogs married,” and Star quotes “an observer” declaring, ” ‘Everyone was toasting the dogs and congratulating them on their new life together.’ “People susses out the real story: The scene was part of an upcoming movie—Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Ali G) played a crasher who was ejected from the canine nuptials.

The Enquirer loves Crossfire. An item in this week’s Enquirer reads: “Just when you thought CNN’s Crossfire was the most exciting thing on TV, the fifth cycle of America’s Next Top Model is set to hit the airwaves on Sept. 21.” The tab is particularly pleased about the “fascinating tidbits we’ve learned from this season’s cast. … 18-year-old Ebony likes to dip everything in mustard. Fabulous!”