As the big boys at the network anchor desks might put it, “There’s a big trend shaping up on Super Tuesday, and it’s not a Dennis Kucinich surge!”
Up and down the Atlantic coast and inland to Ohio, John Kerry is fanny-whacking his opponents and packing his bags for the Boston convention, according to the weighted exit polls of one media organization. The only exception to the sweep is the fairy tale republic of Vermont, where the late Howard Dean has crawled out of his political grave to stake claim to the pittance of his state’s 15 delegates.
(Edwards was not on the ballot)
The earliest California numbers of the afternoon gave 64 percent to Kerry and 24 percent to Edwards. But with the California polls still open, the Edwards campaign accepted the numbers as gospel and gave up, telling the national press at about 8 p.m. ET that their candidate would strike the tent officially on Wednesday morning.
I know I am a bad, bad, bad boy for publishing these numbers, and to atone for my sins, I will be resigning my citizenship in a reality TV series this fall. Help me title it. Send suggestions to email@example.com. (E-mail may be quoted by name unless the writer stipulates otherwise.)