News Quiz

No. 410: “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do” 

Having ruled that Microsoft violated the Sherman Antitrust Act, Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson must now decide on a remedy. One alternative is to regulate the company’s “conduct”; the other is to impose harsh “structural” sanctions. How will life be different if Jackson breaks up Microsoft?

Send your answer by noon ET Wednesday to

Monday’s Question (No. 409)—”Paper View”:

U.S. News & World Report, Seventeen, The Sporting News—what’s the connection?

“According to Rupert Murdoch, all three would need about five more conservative columnists to be considered ‘fair and balanced.’ “—Doug Ingram

“Their current issues all feature gatefolds of Elián González in a skimpy swimsuit.”—Larry Amoros (Francis Heaney had a similar answer.)

“Tina Brown has sent her résumé to all three.”—Francis Heaney

“Come on, that’s easy … everyone knows they are different names for the same publication.”—Deborah Wassertzug

“They’re each going to be larger than Microsoft in a year or two.”—Greg “My coma is still being kept secret” Diamond

Click for more answers.

Randy’s Wrap-Up

The magazine as we know it was pretty much defined early in the 18th century, although it would be nearly 300 years before we could see the 3D swimsuit issue, and then only if we kind of squinted. Prototype for all things Condé Nast, the Gentleman’s Magazine was founded in London in 1731 by Edward Cave, the model of the modern magazine publisher: He’d been kicked out of school for stealing chickens. In 1738, at the age of 29, Dr. Johnson began working for Cave, and for the next six years supplied the magazine with Latin verse, biographical sketches, reviews, essays, editorials, epigrams in Greek and Latin, and translations of articles from the French and Italian. Johnson’s first published work ran in the magazine, all anonymously. For three years, he was responsible for writing monthly reports on the debates in Parliament, an illegal undertaking disguised as a fictional account of the “Debates in the Senate of Magna Lilliputia.” Today, however, the opposite custom prevails, and many magazines write accounts of the great events of the world that read like fiction but that claim to be fact.

Nothing Like the Failed Experiment of Prohibition Answer

These three were among the magazines receiving government payments for running articles that included anti-drug propaganda.

In an arrangement similar to that recently abandoned by the television industry, these magazines as well as Parade, Family Circle, and others were paid for running an anti-drug public service ad, but they didn’t have to run any actual ad if the government found that an article in the magazine vigorously articulated the party line.

Spokespeople for the magazine industry made the usual denials of wrongdoing. “This all sounds like it could lead down a slippery slope, but as far as I know that has not happened,” said Jacqueline Leo, president of the American Society of Magazine Editors. “Take Glamour, for example: I think any reasonable person will agree that it’s just as fatuous as ever,” she did not add.

Eur on Your Way Extra

This past Sunday’s New York Times included a vacation brochure from the European Travel Commission, chockablock with ads for various nations. Can you name the countries being touted by each of these ad slogans?


1. Our time to shine.

2. A country of fascinating diversity!

3. Welcome, welcome, non-African!

4. A taste of grandeur.

5. Regrets? A few. Jews? Same amount.

6. Peaceful and quiet, value-laden destination which has everything: lakes, seashore, health spas, historical cities and villages, majestic castles, beautiful churches, famous ski resorts …

7. Come, meet the survivors of our recent ethnic cleansing!

8. Travel the same road that kings and czars have traveled since the thirteenth century.

9. Please sexually exploit our children, particularly the very poor ones!

10. Slim sarcastic Jews drink free. Often with Julie Christie.


1. Scotland

2. Croatia

3. Spain (informal)

4. Monaco

5. Germany (unofficial)

6. Slovenia

7. Rwanda (byproduct of American nonintervention and development)

8. Finland (coincidentally, also tattooed on the thigh of each Gabor sister)

9. Thailand (not actually in brochure)

10. Randyland. No, it’s not on any map. You have to find it in your heart.

Common Denominator

U.S. News & World Report has been found to be a safe and reliable sleep aid with little risk of addiction.