On Sunday in Berlin, Lutheran and Roman Catholic officials signed a joint declaration, resolving a conflict that began exactly 482 years ago. It turns out that, on this point, both churches believe the same thing. What?
Send your answer by noon ET Tuesday to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thursday’s Question (No. 329)–“Ladies Foist”:
“Please be a lady,” Jesse Helms chided Rep. Lynn Woolsey, D-Calif., in a Senate hearing room Tuesday. Then he sicced the cops on her. What had Woolsey done?
“Dared to venture out without her chador.”–Lisa Dickey (Tom Crawford had a similar answer.)
“She ordered the 14-ounce strip steak, two double Dewar’s on the rocks, and dessert, instead of the diet plate.”–Leslie Goodman-Malamuth
“She let her duck out of the house without its diaper on. Apparently that’s another one of those laws that they never took off the books.”–Francis Heaney
“She called him ‘Sen. Tobacco-Breath Penis-Head.’ “–Richard Nikonovich-Kahn
“Wandered all over the room and blew on some other guy’s dice.”–Daniel Radosh (similarly, Stasia Ananson and Richard Nikonovich-Kahn)
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Many participants suggested that Woolsey vexed Helms with her unladylike display of proto-male behavior–spitting, cursing, and scratching your balls. Coincidentally, this is precisely what Naomi Wolf advised Al Gore to do, advice for which he was paying her $15,000 a month. In an effort to appear to be earning her money, Wolf called this “being an alpha male,” but it was basically spitting, cursing, and ball-scratching.
Wolf also counseled Gore to “speak from the heart,” creating tension with campaign staffers who were pressing him to “lie your fool head off.” In addition, Dick Morris told the Washington Post, it was Wolf who persuaded Gore to wear earth tones and not the silver Mylar posing strap he was said (by me) to be considering. Wolf had the guts to support the vice president’s shift to brown, olive-green, and tan shades. It’s like something out of Profiles in Courage, albeit something my mom would have done for considerably less than $15,000 a month.
Gore has gone to great lengths to conceal Wolf’s role, funneling her payments through other consulting firms so that her name would not appear on financial reports filed with the Federal Election Commission.
Woolsey has not attempted to conceal anything: She’s so alpha!
There’s a Time and a Place for Every Answer
Woolsey led nine other House Democrats, all women, who tried to present Helms with a letter in favor of an international treaty opposing discrimination against women. Helms has blocked a Senate vote on this U.N. accord for 20 years.
The letter was signed by 100 members of Congress; the pact has been ratified by 165 nations; the United States is not one of them. Helms had Capitol police throw the congresswomen out.
The New York Times quotes Helms, after the incident, saying, “Heh, heh.”
Pride Goeth Before an Extra
Appearing on Fox News Sunday, bloated overreacher Donald Trump offered brief characterizations of several nations. Which of the following is an actual bit of Trump fatuity, and which is an attempt to mock his hubris through amusing hyperbole?
- Japan–“They’re ripping us big league.”
- France–“The worst partner that this country has ever had.”
- France–“They are a very disloyal group in terms of their government.”
- France–“They have to be taught respect.”
- France–“They’ll sell a nuclear weapon to anybody giving them 10 cents more than the next guy. What? We’re the world’s biggest arms dealer? Really? Bigger than the stupid French?”
- Zambobo–“Bunch of jerks, not as bad as France, but … Hey! That’s not a real country!”
- Germany–“Wants to take over the world economically.”
- Pat Riley’s hair–“Takes such advantage of us with the oil.”
- Saudi Arabia–“They have boats bigger than any boats you’ve ever seen.”
- Saudi Arabia–“They have houses all over the world, including Palm Beach.”
- Saudi Arabia–“They have houses like you’ve never seen before–all because we’re so stupid.”
- Saudi Arabia–“They stink. But not as much as France.”
- France–“They stink. Just as much as France. Which is what they are!”
All are Trumpisms except the second half of 5, 6, 12, and 13. He did say 8, but about Saudi Arabia, not Pat Riley’s hair. And, yes, the boats are big! Big, big, big!
Cross-dressing, Guys and Dolls.