The Breakfast Table

The Castoffs of the Rich and Famous

Dear Todd:

Thanks so much for the compliments. Although since I was only one of many people involved with the Letterman show, God only knows whose jokes you were repeating.

Well, I guess this it. Our last e-mail. Which makes me a little sad, but I guess my sadness will be offset by the celebration being thrown by our hate-mail buddies. And their feelings matter, too. To someone. Even if not to me or you.

I was holding off buying your Gary Coleman gift after reading in USA Today that Drew Barrymore’s estranged mother, Jaid, also has a Web site on which she is auctioning off several collections of Drew’s baby clothes (including an undershirt decorated with baby chicks). OK, yes, this seems like a shockingly lowbrow, sociopathically self-serving, egomaniacal betrayal and perversion of the mother-daughter bond until after you hear how touchingly Jaid explains it: “Drew is such a special amazing magical person” she says,” that I decided to put some of her things up on the Web site to allow people to be a part of her life.” And you know, if there is a better way to become a part of the life of a complete stranger than to own their baby clothing, it can only be to own their spatula. So I think I have made my gift decision. Todd, go buy yourself some eggs and sit by the mailbox. Better cooking is on it’s way.

This has been a lot of fun. Thanks.

Coming in two weeks:
Tucker Carlson and Evan Smith go out to Breakfast on George W. Bush.