The Breakfast Table

George W., Land Reformer

Dear Steve:

Hey, good illustrations. The one thing that really bummed me about being paired up with you to do this Breakfast Table gig was knowing that you’d effortlessly outdraw my sorry ass, and that’s even when you’ve got a color pallette tied behind your back. Well, at least I have my new, post-Central Asian Diet Plan waistline–lose 36 pounds in 28 days! (really)–to comfort me.

I’m glad you brought up the weirdness of the George Quincy Bush (yes! let’s nominate the frat-boy son of a loser do-nothing president!) campaign. On my Los Angeles radio show this past Saturday I did a facetious “Welcome to the Left” bit embracing GWB’s new move to the progressive side. I announced that I had it on good authority that he was going to end capitalism, nationalize industry, eliminate pay inequity, and institute forced collectivization, all while playing Billy Bragg’s “Waiting for the Great Leap Forward” underneath my monologue. I went too far by reminding voters that Clinton turned out not to be lying about being a New Democrat (i.e., conservative Democrat), so perhaps Bush is telling the truth about really caring about poor people. (Hey, maybe he’s rebelling against dad late in life.)

In any event, my lines were jammed with callers seemingly unaware of the joke; several worried aloud that May 4th farms were around the corner from next November. Ah, if only it were true. But the point here remains sound–the two-party system, perhaps the most stupid political structure ever conceived, is dead if you can convince people that Bush is a leftist and Clinton can still pass himself off as a liberal after pushing through NAFTA, GATT, and that rancid welfare-reform bill–not to mention signing countless death warrants as governor of Arkansas. Personally I’m a fan of European-style parliamentary democracy; even fringes of the electorate get represented. But at least with single-party dictatorship, you get efficiency. Two parties give you paralysis, and worse than that, the illusion of choice between two virtually identical wholly owned subsidiaries of corporate America.

As for the Diva (now I’m calling her that!), anyone who worked on that Dukakis campaign is by definition a moron. I walked in, and right out, of his New York HQ when I saw how disorganized they were (nobody was there to answer the phone or unlock the front door), and that was the last time I ever considered participating in allegedly organized party politics.

Very truly,