I think an explication of the lyrics of “I Want It That Way” should be a requisite for presidential candidacy, like being born a citizen and being over 35. Other than the New York Post, what do you miss the most about living here in fun city? Are you in fear of drifting Japanese radiation? Do you feel that you are better situated on the West Coast in general for observing signs of impending apocalypse? Do you think Bob Dylan wears a toupee? In fact, do you have any feelings about the approaching millennium, as such? In my day job, I have recently been tasked with asking the famous about this topic and have found that even the most paranoid celebrities are generally reluctant to acknowledge that they fear that time itself is threatening to tick to a finish. I myself am mildly frightened by this possibility, but as long as I don’t have to do any public speaking or make any risky critical assessments, I guess I’ll probably be all right. I loved your conspiracy-theory book, by the way. My favorite thesis is the one about Hello Kitty being a plot on the part of very small girls to attain world domination. I like it because it makes me feel protected from the threat posed by Barney.