The Breakfast Table

Put Me on the Money!

Dear Fareed:

Now, now, don’t be mean about Mr. Morton. Just because his books sell millions doesn’t mean that you can say nasty things about him. While I was busy selling Microsoft stock, you could have been writing about Diana or Monica instead of foreign policy and then we could have that penthouse on Fifth Avenue. Oh well.

I have been scouring the papers looking for news of Mrs. Clinton. I thought she was coming to New York this week to talk about education. I learned from the Wall Street Journal that Mrs. Clinton spent yesterday at the U.S. Mint unveiling a new $1 coin. On one side, the gold-colored coin depicts a Native American woman who traveled with Lewis and Clarke for 3,000 miles. Our heroine, Sacagawea, is not alone on the coin. Her son is in a little sack on her back. He traveled with her the entire distance. Although I don’t approve of putting unknown people–mother or son–on currency, the little kid did look kind of cute. And, if you are going to put someone unfamiliar on, why not their kid? In fact, if you put him on, why not put me on? I may be a nobody, but at least I have a better hairdo than Andrew Jackson, who really could have used a little hair gel on the $20 bill.