The Breakfast Table

How To Marry a Millionaire

Dear Dan,

I’ve been waiting and waiting, but still no word from you. Men! Anyway, I’m off to a black-tie event in a few minutes, which inspires some thoughts I’d like to share. They’re even news-related, sort of. Prince Edward and Sophie Rhys-Jones have finally registered for their wedding:

  • A teapot: 9,000 pounds ($14,700)
  • Silver hot milk and hot water jugs: 10,000 pounds each ($16,300)
  • A small milk jug: 3,925 pounds ($6,400)
  • A sugar sifter: 6,135 pounds ($10,000)
  • A tea strainer: 3,110 pounds ($5,067)
  • 26-place bone china with a specially created crest: 13,580 pounds or 522 per setting ($22,000 for the lot or $850 per setting)

Edward is an audio buff, so they’ve registered for a state-of-the-art Bang & Olufsen stereo system including:

  • A wide-screen TV: 4,950 pounds ($8,000)
  • CD-radio-tape player: 1,250 pounds ($2,000)
  • Combined TV-CD-radio: 4,650 pounds ($7,577)
  • Yet another CD player: 2,500 pounds ($4,000)
  • Fourteen speakers: 10,350 pounds ($17,000)

What did you register for when you got married? What was the worst gift you got? If I ever get married, I think I’ll register for practical stuff. Shampoo at Rite Aid, stamps at the post office, contributions to my Visa bill.

More on royal weddings. An item in Liz Smith today mentioned that Prince Rainier (I may have spelled his name wrong, but he probably spells Patty with an i, so …) thinks it would be swell if Gwyneth Paltrow were to marry Prince Albert. The Paltrow parents commented that they, too, think it would be nice if their daughter had her own country. They did not mention the other advantage of having your daughter marry royalty: Wedding Paid For.

Dan, what country would you like to own and when is your birthday? England appeals to me for a number of reasons: 1) the jewels, 2) you get to own your own church and, if necessary, create a new one, 3) there are lots of libraries from which you can take out books and never return them 4) you can punish people in the Tower of London.

Don’t wait up for me,