The Breakfast Table

The Subtle Art of Thong-Snapping

Sir Charles,

Thanks for your ready forgiveness. I feel cleansed. Except that I can’t help it. I want to know about the thong. I can’t decide whether I’m confessing (again) or boasting, but I have been quite a capable flirt in my day. Done properly, it’s a very subtle art. I am absolutely certain you would concur. I concede that during the time I covered the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, then-chairman Clarence Thomas never so much as brushed my knee at a lunch. I later felt a little insulted in light of all that ensued, but on the other hand, he was a very weird man and I didn’t practice my subtle–stress subtle–charms on him. On the other hand, the vice-chairman of the commission during another–Democratic–administration engaged in the most blatant, Packwood-esque harassment. (I was so much younger then so I didn’t write a memoir. I just said, “Yuck.”) A senior EEOC staffer during same administration actually made an offer that I never heard before or since: yep, confidential EEOC documents in exchange for s-e-x. Needless to say, no EEOC document could be that compelling. Not that I’m suggesting that I would reconsider if the federal agency in question had been … sexier. You understand. One does wonder why all this went on at the agency empowered with applying sexual harassment standards. But I digress. My issue is–how do you snap a thong subtly? Will Barbara let her get away with that one or crusade for the truth? I, too, will watch–albeit on tape. It’s must-see TV.

Now the Mossad question. There’s the rub. As that rock star said, “Stop using sex as a weapon.” If only that were possible. This is by far the most worrisome aspect of the whole sleazy thing and it probably won’t get the attention it deserves because so much time has already been wasted on nonsense. I have to say I find it credible. (Is it libelous–or too obvious–to nominate Rahm Emmanuel as the most likely mole? He certainly was MEGA something, which might help explain the mole’s code name. His brother Ari is an agent out here, by the way, and he’s quite megasomething in his own right.) It is a shame that when and if Bill addresses this one, believing him will be absolutely out of the question. I agree that their alleged cover story is pitiful. Someone has to do a study on the effect of raging hormones on intelligence.

Meanwhile, in our little journalistic monde, Christopher Hitchens is apparently having his showdown today at The Nation. I’d like to be a fly on that wall but I’m sure we’ll hear all about it. It’s such a special day. Monica confessing; Hitchens revolting. It almost makes me believe in astrology.

Seeing more than one kind of star,