News Quiz

No. 194: “Unaffordable”

After a call from Ford Motors, Greg Bradsher of the National Archives said, “You have to think in terms of corporate memories. There is probably no one around who knows anything about this stuff.” What stuff does Ford need help remembering?

by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer to

Wednesday’s Question (No. 193)–“Whoa, Canada”: The Poitras Report, recently released in Montreal, describes an inept organization that routinely broke the law, lacked ethics and professionalism, and embraced a code of silence that thwarted whistle-blowers. What organization? (Question courtesy of Matthew Singer.)“Leonard Cohen’s old girlfriends.”–Chris Kelly“Whoever it is, it’s not the Church of Scientology. Now please give me back my daughter.”–Greg Diamond“The New York Police Department. But I’d like to see ya come down here and release that report, tough guys.”–Daniel Radosh“Sounds like the International Olympic Committee, but any group that could find hookers in Utah seems far from inept to me.”–Alex Balk (Lara Williams, Andrew Reid, and Eddie Haskins had similar answers.)”Who cares? It’s Canada!”–Tim Carvell (similarly, David Ballard)

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Randy’s 3,000 Miles of Unguarded Wrap-Up

According to the old Canadian clichés, a diet of back bacon and access to excellent health care lead to Neil Young boring everyone silly by singing about hockey in two languages. The new Canadian cliché, judging by News Quiz responses, is just hockey, and it’s now broadcast on Fox. It’s a different sort of coverage from the days when Peter Puck appeared between periods to explain the game to us unsophisticated Americans. That animated black rubber cylinder provided a surprisingly lucid exegesis of offside, icing, and the undesirability of Quebec separatism, along with some disturbing Toronto sex techniques. But I may be misremembering. In those days we played without helmets, and I was regularly high-sticked in the head, just like Neil. Hey hey, hi hi.

Answer Québecois

Le Sûreté du Québec.

The 4,100 member provincial police force, more a sort of regional FBI than state troopers, accepted the scathing criticism delivered by a public inquiry last month and will undertake sweeping reforms, reports Monique Beaudin in the Montreal Gazette. “We are taking this very seriously,” said SQ chief Florent Gagné.

The investigative commission headed by former Chief Justice Lawrence Poitras was set up in 1996 to look into allegations of cover-ups and threats after a botched drug investigation.

“They have been notorious thugs since the turn of the century,” adds Matthew Singer.

Augmented Quotations Extra

Each final sentence added by News Quiz.

  • “I think it’s absolutely ludicrous to completely wipe out something so many people are in favor of. Just like with slavery.”–Sorority gal Jennifer Coup detests Dartmouth’s plan to eliminate single-sex fraternities and sororities.
  • “It would be much nicer to have real ones. My dad said he was disappointed too. You need the noise and the smell. It’s as disappointing as those robot lap dancers.”–New Yorker Benny Chang hates the mayor’s ban on Chinese New Year firecrackers.
  • “I’ve got so much real work to do, I can’t do this very often. After lunch, I launch myself into a low Earth orbit to battle giant space monkeys from Neptune.”–Lawyer Johnnie Cochran sets aside time from his busy schedule to appear on Guiding Light.
  • “We’re getting the speed of light so low we can almost send a beam into the system, go for a cup of coffee and return in time to see the light come out. We can also see Jay Leno making up gags about the post office.”–Danish physicist Lene Vestergaard Hau and her team have devised a way to slow light from 186,00 miles a second to 120 feet an hour.
  • “We do not know where he is. He made us all close our eyes, spin around three times, and count backwards from 100.”–Taliban diplomat Abdul Hakeem Musjahid has looked everywhere for Osama bin Laden, but just can’t find the guy.

Common Denominator


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